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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awkward situation with therapist

94 replies

astrasky · 29/05/2019 14:37

I have just started seeing a private therapist for depression. She's so expensive, but I understand it's a hard job.

Anyway. I cancelled my appointment for tomorrow morning at 9pm on Monday due to work commitments. She didn't reply. So yesterday I resent the same email in the morning and in the evening and recieved no reply.

This morning I emailed the Head of the centre to say I had cancelled and recieved no reply. She then got in touch with the therapist who immediately replied saying that's fine, do you want to rebook etc., and she hopes i understand this will be charged as less than 24 hours to go til appointment... I did agree to that policy and I do think its fair, but I gave well in advance of 24 hours notice? I told her over email three times that I wouldn't be coming over 48 hrs before the appointment.

I don't want this to sour the atmosphere and I am really quite apprehensive about going back now - she quite clearly did get the emails as she replied straight away to an email her boss cced her into, so it's not like she was unable to access them.

I feel pretty down about it. I don't want to come across as rude but I am actually quite annoyed.

Aibu to tell her I won't be paying? And will I have to find a new therapist?

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 29/05/2019 15:30

I think the relationship is soured , on your part anyway, forgive me if l am wrong. I too feel this is not the way a therapist should think but l suppose it is business and as such, we need to think differently about it but l would feel the same as you OP because it just isn't fair!

Original poster
astrasky · 29/05/2019 15:31

I don't think it would have hone to junk for two reasons.

  1. It was an email trial that we always communicate on (so it would have come through)
  2. I sent a separate email from the trial as well to ask her to confirm that she recieved the email
  3. When I emailed her and her boss, she replied straight away (but wouldn't that email have gone to junk too?)
OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 29/05/2019 15:34

" I am pleased to advise I gave more than 24 hrs notice as I emailed on XX at xx and also on XX at XX. Please see attached emails. I look forward to seeing you at our next appointment "

Don't over analyse. Attach the emails you sent and that's it. She will be the one who is embarrassed for asking you for a cancellation fee.

If she is "off" with you then get another therapist as she is clearly not the one for you either - you need to be comfortable. Tuesday is a working day so you gave plenty of notice for a Thursday cancellation. If she did not work Tuesday that is her issue, not yours. I would check the cancellation policy to see whether it states you cancel with the therapist direct or their head office, though.. Their policy may be through head office only and then, yes, you would have to pay.

BossAssBitch · 29/05/2019 15:38

I had similar happen to me. We had been doing lots of good work together, I had grown to trust and respect her opinion. Then I had to cancel a session due to work commitments, I gave more than the required notice, but she said she would miss out financially and tried to make me feel guilty and pay up! Like fuck I did.

It got to the point that I had to send her a copy of her own cancellation policy in her T+Cs. It was glaringly obvious that she was in the wrong, clearly she had copy and pasted the T+Cs and not bothered to read them.

She apologised for her error but I couldn't get over her change in attitude from caring and sympathetic to actually quite cold and money hungry. I found someone else soon after.

Original poster
astrasky · 29/05/2019 15:39

She is the one to contact for cancellation, I am over anxious so I checked the policy before I did it

OP posts:
Itssosunny · 29/05/2019 15:45

astrasky, just send her an email why you are not paying for cancellation and let her to confirm it. Cc her boss as well! Obviously, don't make any further appointments.

Itssosunny · 29/05/2019 15:50

O would actually write a complaint to her, cc her boss. You have nothing to worry about but you need to complain as she is a CF.
I have just remembered that my friend has recently told me how her DC's private music did exactly same thing as your therapist. She has found a new tutor since.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 29/05/2019 15:50

Hope you get it sorted, OP. This can impact on the therapeutic relationship.

Itssosunny · 29/05/2019 15:51

'private music tutor'

Ilovemylabrador · 29/05/2019 15:55

I copy her boss in to the email sent and say given I emailed you on x y z see below with 48 hours notice I did cancel with over 48 hours not just tge 24 hours needed.

Don’t mention a further appointment.

Ring head of centre to see if you can see someone else unless you really really like her and feel you can work with her - I’d not be happy to be honest. Therapy requires a lot of trust and when trust is lacking as here - you’d do well to steer clear x

DoNotDisturbPlease · 29/05/2019 15:58

See what their reply is regarding the fee. But also look for a new therapist from now in, in general you dont sound all that comfortable with her.

DarlingNikita · 29/05/2019 16:13

She's taking the piss. You've done the right thing sending time stamps. Obviously don't contact her about further appointments until or unless you get a (grovelling!) response.

Sunshineandeggshells · 29/05/2019 16:21

I am a therapist and a client. She should, of course, honour the contract and I am hoping it's a misunderstanding on her part that she will rectify. I think it would be useful if you can talk about this at your next session and tell her how you feel about it, how it has impacted on you and what this means for your relationship. I have had sessions with my therapist when I have been uncomfortable about something that was said. It always feels better addressing it in person and we have been able to work through any issues with a better understanding and more trust.

minababelina · 29/05/2019 16:22

I would find it extremely unfair and uncomfortable to pay, but also very embarrassing to confront (even if in the most pleasantly written response). I don't think I'd be able to get over it and have fruitful sessions with her (I'd probably need additional therapy just to deal with that!). But, having said that, if you liked the first session, you could try to respond politely and then book a second one to check how the atmosphere is... The worst that could happen is that you don't have a third one, I suppose. Good luck!

grumiosmum · 29/05/2019 16:24

It's most likely to be an honest mistake or a misunderstanding.

You are certainly entitled to go back & point out that you cancelled well within the time limit.

If you like her as a therapist in other ways, you should not let this derail the process.

There are a lot of goady posters on MN who will always look for the worst in any situation.

oneforthepain · 29/05/2019 16:25

It's difficult.

I'm inclined to say trust your instincts here that maybe this isn't the right fit.

However, depending on the next reply you get and if this is the first niggle, maybe keep the door open and see if you can repair the working relationship enough to feel safe to continue?

It may be it's just not right, but that's no reflection on you. Being expensive doesn't necessarily mean she's actually the right person to help you.

Did you have trial sessions with a few other therapists before choosing her?

magicBrenda · 29/05/2019 16:29

I’d forward the emails to prove it so you didn’t have to pay then move to another therapist as if feel the relationship had been soured.

However if you want to keep her - I’d send a bright message -

‘Hi xxx

Hope your well. I think you’ve missed a couple of emails I sent - here and here (insert emails) hope this clears it up. I’ll rebook when I can get in. Take care’

Jux · 29/05/2019 16:34

Please don't worry about this, it really is more likely to just be a mistake than an attempt to scam you - it really isn't in her interests to be dishonest about it.

Even if your email had gone to junk, that's not your responsibility.

Either email her as suggested or pay her but speak to her when you next see her. My therapist and Ihadccasional problems ke this, but they always got sorted out quite happily. She won't hold it against you.

TheOrigFV45 · 29/05/2019 16:37

If either/neither of you are able to separate this (necessary) business transaction from the therapy side of things then it's not a good relationship and won't benefit you.

Amber0685 · 29/05/2019 16:42

You need to find a new therapist. Sorry, hard I know, but the trust is gone

Dyrne · 29/05/2019 16:42

I think wait to see what she replies - if it’s an apology then I think you should go back to her and give her another chance as you say you got on well. I really don’t think she’s trying to scam you, more likely she overlooked the email or thought it had to be one business days notice or something.

JaneEyreAgain · 29/05/2019 16:43

Drop a line to the centre manager and say that this is making you feel awkward and would they please liaise with the therapist on your behalf.

Then see what happens... it is difficult to continue with awkwardness when you are in a client/therapist relationship. I hope she manages to clear the air and reassure that she is the right person to continue with and if not, I hope you find someone that you can work with.

I work in a similar kind of role and am self-employed. The money part is often difficult from both sides for a whole host of reasons. It shouldn't be, but that is the reality. She would probably rather see you and give you as much time and support as you need and receive payment otherwise, which is why the national health system is great in theory as it takes money out of the transaction at the point of use. But that's another story!!

Coyoacan · 29/05/2019 16:45

You've done the right thing sending time stamps. Obviously don't contact her about further appointments until or unless you get a (grovelling!) response

Personally I would go with this. I prefer all my dealings to be with honest people and it is not always possible, but a therapist I suspected of dishonesty, no.

Takemetothemoon · 29/05/2019 16:45

If she replied to boss then send time stamped emails to her boss. If shes decent and it was an oversight she'll understand. If not, get a new therapist. There are lots of lovely ones x

DarlingNikita · 29/05/2019 16:53

Either email her as suggested or pay her

No way should she pay her. The OP is in the right, and paying now just means sorting our repayments down the line, with more potential awkwardness and resentment.