Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Awkward situation with therapist

94 replies

astrasky · 29/05/2019 14:37

I have just started seeing a private therapist for depression. She's so expensive, but I understand it's a hard job.

Anyway. I cancelled my appointment for tomorrow morning at 9pm on Monday due to work commitments. She didn't reply. So yesterday I resent the same email in the morning and in the evening and recieved no reply.

This morning I emailed the Head of the centre to say I had cancelled and recieved no reply. She then got in touch with the therapist who immediately replied saying that's fine, do you want to rebook etc., and she hopes i understand this will be charged as less than 24 hours to go til appointment... I did agree to that policy and I do think its fair, but I gave well in advance of 24 hours notice? I told her over email three times that I wouldn't be coming over 48 hrs before the appointment.

I don't want this to sour the atmosphere and I am really quite apprehensive about going back now - she quite clearly did get the emails as she replied straight away to an email her boss cced her into, so it's not like she was unable to access them.

I feel pretty down about it. I don't want to come across as rude but I am actually quite annoyed.

Aibu to tell her I won't be paying? And will I have to find a new therapist?

OP posts:

lborgia · 30/05/2019 10:37

The fact that a
she's not trying to put you at ease spirals volumes. I realise the manager is not her boss as such, but I would be telling them that it's all gone south very quickly.

Lizzie48 · 30/05/2019 11:39

I’m really sorry, OP, that really sucks. That therapist seems to have taken against you for cancelling and then standing up for yourself about not paying.

Time to cut your losses and find a new therapist, I think.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 30/05/2019 12:04

I would contact the manager of the service. Perhaps there is someone else within the service that you can see?

What type of therapy is it, OP? (I read it is not CBT)

SuchAToDo · 30/05/2019 12:16

Send them copies of each of the emails you sent...that is proof that you gave plenty of notice to cancel...

CrumpetWithMarg · 30/05/2019 12:29

Forward the email again, attaching your previous cancellation emails, and copy in the same person you did when you got the response last time.

Under no circumstances pay for this, and let them know you will need to look elsewhere for a new therapist as you don't feel you are being treated in a supportive or professional manner.

Original poster

astrasky · 30/05/2019 12:42

My DP has told me to leave it, don't reply to any replies and he's helping me find a new therapist. He also said that I should think about writing an email expressing my concerns to the centre manager (not so much a compliant, just why I am leaving). He said she is being unreasonable (which takes a lot for him to say as he is always so rational!). He is a private physio, and when a patient has made efforts to cancel he will always mention the cancellation fee AFTER an appointment has been secured - he said it is so uncomfortable to demand money first and puts people's backs up.

I have checked the emails numerous times, even when I woke up at 4am this morning - and they're all there!

I haven't recieved a reply yet anyway, so I'm guessing she doesn't want to give me a new appointment.

The therapy is psychoanalytical @gottastopeatingchocolate

I have been in and out of therapy all my life and I can honestly say I've never experienced such unprofessional behaviour

Any monetary issues with other therapists in the past have been "we'll talk about that at the end of your next session" - as in, try not to worry about the monetary side of things, and let's continue your support for now. i KNOW it's a job and a means of income - but, in therapy there's an atmosphere you should maintain

OP posts:

DarlingNikita · 30/05/2019 12:45

I think your DP is right, OP.

Dyrne · 30/05/2019 13:34

As she still hasn’t responded OP I agree that you should find someone else. I’m so pleased that your DP is supportive.

Hopefully you will find someone soon.

Grumpelstilskin · 30/05/2019 14:07

Would concur with everyone that you need to find a new therapist. I do not require any therapy but I really loathe it when I speak to people who will fiddle with stuff and are not showing me the courtesy to maintain eye contact. In the context of you paying for a service that is so reliant on communication that alone would make me reassess the arrangement and find someone new. Her behaviour is rude and unprofessional. I would attach your previous emails and contact the centre manager and make it very clear that you will not pay for the cancelled appointment since you stuck to your contractual obligation. There isn’t a way to recover from this to continue the therapy with this utterly unprofessional person.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 30/05/2019 15:26

Everything you've said about her sounds like she's a rubbish therapist. Ignoring your emails until you cc in her boss, at which point she can suddenly miraculously read again? Rummaging around while you're pouring your heart out? Nah. Definitely move on without a second glance.

I hope things go well with your new therapist

billy1966 · 30/05/2019 15:48

OP you are completely bin the right and have done everything correctly.

You DH is also correct. Look for a new therapist.

She is neither professional nor competent.

If you feel able it might be helpful to you to contact the practice manager and tell her exactly why you won't be continuing and how poor the communication with the therapist was.

Then put it behind you having dealt with it.

She sure as hell wouldn't get another penny from me!

Good luck.

insideoutsider · 30/05/2019 21:13

That is just totally wrong. No one said there can't be disagreements between therapist and client especially with admin issues; but for her to totally ignore your messages? She should be trying to put your mind at rest and even maybe saying, 'don't worry, we'll discuss it at our next appointment' would probably go a long way.

And for her to be rummaging through her bag during your session?! Why is there even a bag?!

I would find a different therapist - after writing to the centre.

Itssosunny · 30/05/2019 21:33

And for her to be rummaging through her bag during your session?! Why is there even a bag?!

I think it was referred to the OP's previous therapist not this one.

Jiggles101 · 30/05/2019 22:04

It's hardly crime of the century but I can see why it might piss some clients off.

Unusual for a psychoanalytic psychotherapist to use paper anyway, it's more a CBT thing.

Incidentally, CBT has the strongest evidence base for treating PTSD, better than EMDR even. Don't confuse the piddly 6 sessions of 'low intensity' basic watered down telephone sessions some services offer with proper CBT. When done well and with relational depth it's got much more to it.

I'm trained in both integrative psychotherapy and CBT so I'm not being biased, just think it often gets a bad rap and people are dismissive of it. Obviously different strokes for different folks though!

Cryalot2 · 30/05/2019 22:13

That is horrid op . But you gave proper notice and have proof.
A good therapist can be hard to find, but if this one is behaving like this, then they are not right for you.
They should be more professional and not cause you stress.
I would text mine , and she always texted me the night before checking that I was ok for appointment.
Would love to be able to afford her again .

darkriver19886 · 30/05/2019 22:15

My T has the same policy but I know she would be a lot more flexible. For example, we had a lot of snow once and my transport wasn't able to get there on the day so I wasn't able to attend and she was fine about it.

She also has a policy that she doesn't respond to emails for boundary reasons . When I need to rearrange or cancel a session I usually text her.

It sounds like to me the trust has been broken. It might be time to find someone new.

Nottheduchess · 31/05/2019 08:18

its so sunny
No, she was definitely talking about the same therapist. Another poster asked how the sessions were before this cancellation thing happened. OP replied that previous sessions had been ok but didn’t like talking to therapist while rummaging in bag.

Reastie · 31/05/2019 09:53

Op I think that’s the right decision. It sounds like a good thing to move to someone else given this. I also think it’s impkrtant to tell the centre manager what happened for their own records. Therapy isn’t cheap and it’s a time when you’re vulnerable and need support and it sounds like this approach has been very unhelpful.

Itssosunny · 01/06/2019 06:37

Nottheduchess

its so sunny
No, she was definitely talking about the same therapist*

Oh, I see. I must have misunderstood then.

Flip

1 2 3 4