To ask you if private school is worth it?

[splashywater]

We are considering sending our DCs private, but are undecided. Would you be able to tell me your stories of why private school was worth it and also not worth it? Those of you with experiences with state please also share.

it can go either way both my sisters were very lucky got into a good private school paid for them because they were exceptional.One sister did poorly and one thrived got a doctorate. They got a very fine education and if i had the money i would send my my daughter to one.

Depends very much on the school and the cold, and in the combination of the two.

Well we're pulling out all the stops to send our dc private which is for good reasons although the state schools near us are very good. We've not regretted it but it really does depend on the schools and the child!

Our DC have had state school in UK and private when abroad as company pays. The private schools have been better in terms of additional facilities and specialist teachers. The basic teaching I reckon has been about the same.
But my DC went to a very nice, local, small state school.
It depends how easily you can afford it. Whether paying for a school would make you feel more pressured about results. Do you have DC who would want to do the music, languages or sports? What kind of private school are you looking at?
I don't think there is one easy answer.

Why do you want to send your children to private school? What are you hoping for?

We sent our children to private school as the school we had selected offered the type of education we were looking for. We wanted a school that had a small village feel and focused on pastoral care. At least for their younger years one that wasn't results driven but was focused on developing childtrens confidence and didn't tollerate bullying.

We didn't find a state school that offered what we were looking for which led us to private rather than a pre conceived idea of only private will do.

Work out what you want for your children and then try to match w school to it would be my advice

I teach in one. It is a great school but it wouldn’t work for my children. There is a huge emphasis on sport and physical activities - my children are computer nerds and wouldn’t know one end of a football pitch from the other. It would be an uncomfortable environment for them and they would struggle finding people they have something in common with. I also believe very strongly that ultimately parental input is what makes it - you can’t buy good grades by sending your children private. They might get a higher grade than in a state school (they might not) and enjoy small class sizes, but you can make friendships and connections in any school which is sometimes forgotten.

Depends so, so much on the school, the child and what you hoped to get from the private sector when you went into it.

I went to state schools but teach in a private school and have my children there.

My experience as a clever, artsy, socially immature teenager:
Educationally, I wouldn't have done any better at a private school. I got 4 As at A Level and went to a highly regarded university.
Extra Curricular-ly, I didn't lose out because my parents paid for and chauffered me to all the dance, music and drama I wanted to do out of school. But it would have been easier (and made school a lot more fun) if I'd been able to experience the wealth of artistic opportunity I see around me at private school now.
Socially, I coped at state school because I was in the top sets and so protected from the bullying some of my friends experienced in lower groups. I didn't have very many friends but I wasn't miserable and I had a few good friends. I suspect I would have been happier in the private system but there's no way of knowing that.

My experience as a private school teacher:
I have a huge budget that allows me to put on massive, high quality shows, buy exciting props, costumes and resources and run a good enrichment programme.
My largest class is 18.
The children are no more academic or talented than any other group of children (non selective school)
The children are, on average, better behaved but there are still plenty of children with quite severe emotional and behavioural difficulties, plenty who struggle due to SN and plenty who just aren't very well behaved.

My experience as a private school parent:
My children have always absolutely adored school. They have flourished and enjoyed such an exciting range of opportunities outside the classroom.
I sometimes think their English and Maths skills would be better had they been in the state sector - we spend so much time off timetable doing other (more fun but arguably less important!) things that I think the basics do suffer - especially in the younger years when their state schooled peers are in the same classroom with the same teacher all morning doing literacy and numeracy as an absolute priority.

I think the children who are most likely to make school fees worth it are:

1. children who are completely middle of the road academically. They benefit from smaller class sizes and are less likely to go unnoticed.
2. children with specific learning difficulties. They also benefit from smaller class sizes and, where available, 1:1 learning support lessons.
3. children with a particular sporting, musical, artistic or dramatic talent.

I went to one. I hate them! Totally pointless. Transferred as soon as I had any say in the matter to stare sixth form, much to my parents’ despair.

Always felt cut off from normal society in private school and hated the fact that it was single sex (I realise this is not just a private school issue). Also hated the longer days meant I could do less extra curricular stuff out of school. My brother went to one where they had to go to Saturday school which he despised.

I don’t have the money but if I did I would save for university / house costs for my DC, not waste it on private schools.

I went to both private and state. It depends what you're after. I was hot-housed to within an inch of my life and ended up going to Oxbridge - but then I also did have a break down.

It depends on your circumstances and the needs of your child. Ultimately whatever you choose the answer is to not put undue pressure or any pressure at all on your child.

I used to work in one. There was no way I would have sent my child to it. Awful. Good facilities and small classes but wow, hard atmosphere and poorly managed. The state school I now work in is far better. That being said, my DH works in a different private school which is lovely. Do your research before you invest!

It really works for my kids especially my eldest. The school is small (~ 20 kids per year), all the teachers know all the kids very well and are flexible with how they deal with the kids. (My DS is sensitive to change and they do extra settling in before moving years and adapt in other ways). It's free range - lots of time outside (playtime in lovely big grounds, forest school, beach school, school trips, PE) lets them get muddy and pick up rocks and sticks etc. Flexible with the curriculum - last year they did a term in geography on Earthquakes because it had sparked the interest of a few. They're flexible with providing stretch or extra help where needed. It just has a lovely small, family feel and a wonderful atmosphere. All the kids are recognised as individuals and each gets a turn to shine (even those who aren't academic, sporty or musical). Academically the leavers destination are good and because it's a small school you can get advice about the secondary that would suit the child best having known them well for years. Class sizes are small - lots of attention. The building is beautiful although to be fair neither of my DC could give a damn about that as far as I can tell.

The disadvantages - narrower social circles I need to make an effort to show DC not everyone can afford big houses and holidays etc. Lots of people seem to be away a lot, the catchment area is larger so less walking to school together and impromptu play dates.

I would say that private definitely doesn't guarantee you better it just gives you more choice. Some private schools I looked at you couldn't pay me to send my child to the one I chose I love.

Also much more flexible wrap around care. DC can stay at school 7:30 -6:00. I don't use it often but it's great if you're running late or have an appointment. The kids are also happy to stay on as it's friendly and they just feel at home at school.

Yuck just remembered one prep school I saw with a tiny playground where kids were banned from running at playtime! Awful hot house that place!

Impossible to answer because you haven’t said what “worth it” means.

What do you value?

Canileavenowplease has hit the nail on the head. Parental input is priceless and so important. If you are willing to be there and support your child with their work, they will do well. My privately educated cousins did no better than me being state school educated. In fact, I did better. The amount of money my uncle spent on three kids was obscene. Private schools are a business. They care about fees and league tables.

DH and I both went to private schools and have completely different ideas of what you get, mostly because we went to very different private schools. I went to a very academically selective school and I think I got academically challenged and a like minded cohort. DH went to a minor public school and thinks it is the extra curricular opportunities that you are paying for. He still takes part in related hobbies.

We can't really decide what to do for our DDs now as private schools are so much more expensive than they were for our parents, relative to our income.

Oh yes, totally agree that extended wrap around care and looser heath and safety restrictions are big pros of many private schools. Ours has a large area woods and fields and the children are relatively free range.

So I get to go into a lot of different schools as part of my job now and previously I was a teacher in mainstream state education for 16 years.

When I go into the private schools in my area the facilities are all amazing. To be surrounded by the school grounds must be good for the soul as they are so beautiful and so well cared for. The children I meet are very thoughtful, will look me in the eye, are articulate and display confidence. The work I see displayed is exceptional around the school. There is a calmness. They also get to try lots of extra curricular opportunities. It is my hope in my heart that the students I meet realise how privileged they are to have such a well rounded and personalised education.

My own child goes to the local primary and will go to a mainsteam secondary. I believe in our area we have the top state schools in the country. The path to oxbridge, opportunities for sport and fantastic extra curriculum are all open to him, if he is academically able and inclined. But its a lot more noisy, crowded and He will need to display a lot more grit to by-pass the disruption caused by low aspiration. He will have us cheering him on every step of the way. If I did not live in our area I would be much more wary.

If I lived in the neighbouring county the opportunity is really limited by awful behaviour in the majority of the schools which hinders the learning. Plus they have an everyone to college at 16 approach which does no favours to the academically bright. I would do anything not to put my child into one of those schools.

Private school is not just about the education but also about the connections and the way it propels students to have high expectations and aspirations imo.

Depends how much you want your DCs to have rich friends. That's it.

Depends how much you want your DCs to have rich friends. That's it.

To be fair that's obviously not it. There are smaller class sizes, more sport and music, better facilities, more wrap around care, more time outside. I definitely don't think every private school is better than every state school but it's disingenuous to claim it's only about snobbery.

Depends a lot on what the kids are like and what the state options are like. In some areas the state primaries you have a chance of getting into are dire and yes a bright child will be largely ignored. Other state primaries are small, amazing schools with brilliant teachers so there'd need to be a more compelling reason to go private.

Likewise for secondary there are state schools I've worked in where I wouldn't be happy for my child to attend for a single day they were so bad (just physically dangerous places where there was just zero provision for anyone aiming to get over a C grade in anything). I've seen other state schools that are just brilliant and overflowing with dedicated, well qualified staff.

I went to a private school for the first 6 months of secondary school (funded place, not paid for by my parents).

I really hated it. I begged my parents to let me go to the local state school where most of my friends from primary school attended.

The state school didn't have a good reputation at all, but my parents let me choose the school where I thought I would be happiest.

I got straight As all the way through and have a Masters degree from a good university.

It depends on the child. A private school doesn't mean good grades if the child isn't capable or isn't willing to do the work. A capable child who is encouraged by their parents could do well in either.

Thanks for all the responses. Neither of us have any desire to apply pressure to our children and are not result orientated. I want to know if the difference makes the money worth it, in terms of building their confidence and enabling them and encouraging them in areas that they show potential and interest. Small class sizes and a nurturing environment would be important for us.
I was state school educated myself, at particularly awful schools, but I am now a high earning professional due to much hard work, determination and many set backs in the process. I felt actively discouraged at the school I attended. My DH was also state educated but had a better experience. It isn't about snobbery at all, it is about wanting our child to have the happiest and most enriching experience they can and doing well for themselves.

our children (not our child)

AGree with manicinsomniac on who benefits the most.

DS1 is at private because our allocated state primary couldn't cope with his physical health problems and sent him home 2-3 times a week. DS didn't settle and we moved him. HE has mild dyspraxia, mild dyslexia, sensory processing issues and is probably borderline/mildest end of ASD in addition to a chronic medical condition. THe private school have been so supportive over the past 3yrs - practical, nurturing, extra academic support. the broad curriculum with loads of varied activities is fantastic for a bright child (actually we thought he was quite slow, on IQ testing by an ed psych his scores were a massive shock) with specific learning issues. DS is a huge nightmare everyday for us, but the school does everything they can.The state sector couldn't possibly provide this support for us.

OUtside of ds' situation, I would not send a bright motivated child to private if there was a good state option. I would certainly consider for an average and/or unmotivated child.