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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you if private school is worth it?

66 replies

splashywater · 28/05/2019 19:54

We are considering sending our DCs private, but are undecided. Would you be able to tell me your stories of why private school was worth it and also not worth it? Those of you with experiences with state please also share.

OP posts:
Faith7777 · 29/05/2019 02:00

it is about wanting our child to have the happiest and most enriching experience they can and doing well for themselves.

If that's the case, then look at the schools in your area, disregarding the status (i.e whether it's private or state) and make your judgement based on whether your requirements will be met at the school. It's presumptuous to think it can't be achieved in a state school. Bear in mind that the benefits you get from classroom size is only fully realised if you've got the right teacher. It's possible to have a not-so-competent teacher run a class of 18 and whilst you get one who commands the respect of the class running a large class size.
Good luck in your search Wink

Tavannach · 29/05/2019 02:23

State, and pay for the extras like music, sports, holidays and tutors if necessary. I'm assuming the state schools are decent. If your child has sen or social difficulties then if you can afford it private education can be helpful. State schools are underfunded and if you can afford to ease their burden and help the child then I would consider it. In the main though I think state schools produce individuals who are more comfortable with others and happier in general.

Tavannach · 29/05/2019 02:30

You’re paying to remove your child from bullying and other negative influences that are present in state schools.

That's absolute tosh. There are plenty of bullies in the private sector.

JacquesHammer · 29/05/2019 08:15

analieninblackburn

Wow that’s some chip on the shoulder!

RandomlyChosenName · 29/05/2019 08:45

These are my thoughts based on experience of both (not in order of importance!)

1] Private school seems to communicate better: they release the calendar for the whole year. State school told about events a week in advance.

2] More opportunities and encouragement at Private for the quiet, non-volunteering child to be involved in things and therefore become more confident.

3] State school is restricted by the National Curriculum as to what children can learn. A bright child isn’t allow to progress outside the curriculum for their year group (although supposedly this is countered by learning more in depth about that level). Private seems to be more open to learning at the pace of the children without these constraints (but obviously they are still taught to the ability of the class to some extent).

4] Comparison- private school seems to be much more open to telling children how they are doing in comparison to the rest of the class. This could be a good or bad thing depending on the child. If they are middle ranking and competative It is a good thing.

5] Opportunities- private gives more options for participating in extra curricular activities. ie. all children given the opportunity to do DofE award, as opposed to only the first 50 to apply.

6] less expensive trips than state. This is the weird one! The state school has trips to Harry Potter World, Disneyland Paris, Iceland, Skiing etc. The private seems to just go to the local museum. Bizarrely the state also seems to be more into tech (iPads, VR headsets, interactive whiteboards) than the Private school.

7] money. Despite what everyone says on MN, children at private discuss wealth. They might not bully the poorer children, but they know who they are.

But basically as everyone has said it’s all to do with the specific child and the specific school options. Private isn’t better than State. But some Private schools can benefit some children. It’s the fit between child and school that’s important, not the money.

Faith7777 · 30/05/2019 06:30

1] Private school seems to communicate better: they release the calendar for the whole year. State school told about events a week in advance.

Just wanted to say to that point that we're at a top state school. We get a bulletin at the start of term telling us what is being covered. It all depends on the staff which may/may not be organised irrespective of whether the school is state or private

RichPetunia · 30/05/2019 06:38

I'd say send them, the private schools have more resources. The children more confident. The people they meet and connections they make will benefit them throughout life. Plus I think there's a certain kudos of saying you were at a private school that will follow them through life and will only be beneficial.

thewinkingprawn · 30/05/2019 07:04

analieninblackburn I don’t entirely disagree with your post regarding the unfairness of it all (although given funding, I am not sure how state schools would cope with 000’s of new pupils if all independents were to shut. However, your comment regarding Kate Middleton is pure nasty and undermines your entire post.

dottiedodah · 30/05/2019 07:20

We were lucky that we had a very good church school near us .My son had a good experience there .privately tutored and went to a top state school .Did A levels, and now has masters degree in science !.If you have the money then I think private school has lots of advantages .

Wodkavodka · 30/05/2019 07:38

My children were in private international school for a while. I took them out due to the crazy social circle they were developing.
Money doesn't equal cared for children. My eldest had so many neglected friends. Little boys who would come for a sleep over and the parents wouldn't collect them! For 3 and 4 days! Or once another boy came to stay and I was supposed to drop them off at their activity the next day where they would then be collected. Except they weren't. Their parents had gone to America for a week and had worked out some elaborate scheme with sleepovers at different houses. Except the next parent forgot.
And another sleepover where the parents tagged themselves in a German night club on facebook. We were not in Germany- it seems I had been left with their child while they went abroad!
And my DS friends up all night playing fortnite at the age of 9!!! Their parents know and it's fine aparently.
Took my kids out of this school before we had to face the teenage years with a social circle of neglected kids with too much money and no rules.
The teachers were great though!

lunar1 · 30/05/2019 07:41

It's worth it for us. We live in an area where we were offered none of our choices for primary as they are all faith schools. The one we were offered was and still is horrendous and we would have home schooled our children rather than send them there.

I'm honestly surprised the place hasn't been shit down. If we had got places at any of the 5 schools we applied for we wouldn't have gone private. 3 schools on our list were closer than the one we were offered.

Loopytiles · 30/05/2019 07:43

Depends what you can afford - private school is ££££!

lunar1 · 30/05/2019 07:43

Oops! Obviously Shut down😬

Southwestten · 30/05/2019 12:24

It's the land of opportunity look at Kate Middleton , she forced herself on to a balding future king

That’s a spiteful comment.

dreichuplands · 30/05/2019 14:30

Leaving aside the incredible nastiness of the Kate post, she met William at university. A university that anyone with the right grades from any type of school can attend.

NCforthis2019 · 30/05/2019 14:41

It depends;

Do you have enough money for all your kids to go?

Does the private school you are considering a good fit?

Have you met some parents - what is their feedback?

My daughter goes to private school - a very academic and almost all the students get scholarships. Sports wise - its not outstanding - but they have a few things here and there. Its a small class size - a maximum of 16 for each year, my daughter is in a class of 14, equal number of girls and boys. The teachers are amazing, they have two teacher per class. The pastoral care is amazing. My daughter at 5 is more confident and articulate that i ever was at 8. The school is really a 'family' - is it worth it? Absolutely. My son goes next year and we cant wait - he already knows a few siblings of my daughters friends who are to be in his class.

Im not saying all privates are like this - we went to about 3 others before finding this gem - it really is about how lucky you are at finding a good fit/school.

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