To ask you if private school is worth it?

[splashywater]

We are considering sending our DCs private, but are undecided. Would you be able to tell me your stories of why private school was worth it and also not worth it? Those of you with experiences with state please also share.

My dc's school does that for them. But one is very musically inclined the other loves drama stuff.
Our specific school is a bit rubbish at sports but good at chess and maths. It has lots of drama and music.So how much chance your dc has to develop will depend a bit on how much their skills and interests align to that of the school.
We have had to work on reminding dc what is normal from time to time but as they have attended state schools it isn't too hard.
They are very lucky but also very busy often in school from 8am until 5pm doing things.

It really comes down to the school. The facilities, the teaching philosophy, curriculum options, extra-curricula options, school leadership. And yes, their results.

We're considering it. So we've been along to an open day, met with the principal to find out more, and DC will go along to 'spend a day in the classroom' day.

Do some research on the school or schools you're interested in - as well as some you're likely not, for the sake of comparison - and you'll get a pretty good idea if it's right for you and your DC.

Also one dc has some writing issues that are well supported within school but specialists.
Neither dc are super academic but manage work fine.

Tbh I think it is all about the school and not the state vs private thing.
I went to 2 boarding schools. One a single sex convent and one a co educational boarding school in a small town.
They were both v v average and I wouldn’t send my children to them.
However, where we currently live the private provision outstrips the state provision by miles so that is where we have decided to go.
I work in a state primary and I would have been delighted for my kids to go there.
V v mixed.

You have to match your child to the school. My two go to a non selective private school. My daughter would do well academically no matter where she went as she is hard working and academically competitive. But socially I don’t know - she’s an introvert and may not have been tough enough for the state schools near me. My son is bright enough but he’d have sunk to the bottom of the pile and done as little as possible - at least at his school there is a minimum standard they hold him to. Also the private school offered CCF and D of E which the state schools here don’t. The sports facilities are excellent - that doesn’t matter a damn to my daughter but was where my son thrived.
On balance if there had been a great state school near me I think I would have sent them there see how it went, at least for primary. There wasn’t any so private was my choice.
As for connections - that only happens in a few top private schools and only helps if you’re going for a career in the City, law or politics in my experience.

I teach in a state primary, DS goes to a prep. These are the reasons I prefer to have him at the prep:

Much less academic pressure.
Much longer play times.
More independence and responsibility for self-organisation.
More sport- weekly matches for all.
More music and drama, plays at least once a year.
Science and DT taught in bespoke facilities (lab, workshop) by specialists.
Better food.

It really depends on what you want.

My DC1 got 3 x A* at A level and should get a 1st at uni this year from going to a bog standard comp and a selective state sixth form. He knows the value of money, is hard working and has mixed with DC from all sorts of backgrounds. This is something that I value. He didn’t get into Oxbridge, though, which he might have from a private school but is at a RG university.

My DC2 has SN so would never have been accepted into a private school. Luckily the state comp he went to valued him as an individual and he did fairly well with an EHCP. He’s currently doing an HND at college.

My DC3 is a bit lazy. He will do reasonably well at school, but would definitely have benefitted academically from being in a private school. He could do with the extra push that private schools give wrt doing his homework and revision. He doesn’t choose to get involved with many extra curricular activities beyond scouts and music and may have had more opportunities within a private school. But he would have missed out on the mixing with all groups of society, and if I could afford it, he could have attended more activities outside school.

If your DC are clever and have a good work ethic they’ll do well in the state system. Maybe not quite as well as they would in a private school but there are other benefits, not least the cost. If they are reasonably bright but need some ‘encouragement’ to work hard, a private school would certainly help. If they have SNs IME, the state system is better. There are private special schools but few and far between.

My local 3 schools are in special
Measures. I couldn’t afford private but I did get them into an outstanding state grammar 30 miles away (long story) eldest is gifted with an echp and will sit gcse maths next year in year 8 as the school think they will get a level 9. Dc2 is similar and got into same school. Dc3 (massive gap) is unlikely to get in due to distance and no echp etc fortunately there is a large age gap between them - eldest will finish secondary and go to uni (possibly early - like dc2) youngest will either go private - or will move in with my parents (6 hours away) where all 3 state schools are outstanding. Yes if I could afford it to your question. I couldn’t afford for all of them to go but the eldest have got a private education for ‘free’ even though it costs me £4000 a year for uniform, bus etc

Primary school you are talking about? A lot of it has to do with how the local primary school (s) are doing I'm afraid, in our case we have excellent primary schools locally, 3 out of 5 local primary schools are outstanding and some of them have very good reputations for SEND provisions. Having said that, we also have a couple of excellent private schools and many of my friends have sent their children there. They generally have much more homework, much more pressure to perform (in most cases they also have private tuition because if their grades drop, they can be kicked out of the school). The private schools are good for SEND provisions as long as the parent pays for the service. So things like speech development support, physical support for kids with dyspraxia for example, parents have to pay.

The state schools where my kids went for primary school was great as supporting them (one of my DSs has a speech disorder and received excellent support at the school). The school wasn't fantastic at sports though.

Having said that, we couldn't afford private so the choice wasn't really there.

DH has worked in a couple of private schools. The last one, he has been with for 15years and is very academic. Our DC were offered free places there which we declined. We are lucky to have great secondaries close to where we live, with a real social mix. They have all thrived within the state system.
FWIW I think the demographic of private schools has changed a lot recently. A lot of parents seem to make their money from pretty dodgy dealings.

The main benefit of private school is that it won’t be accessible by the most problematic children in state schools. You’re paying to remove your child from bullying and other negative influences that are present in state schools.

I went to both state secondary and private secondary. Private was definitely better and would have been even more so if I bothered to actually work and take opportunities.

I went to a private school and all my children go to one too. I like facilities, the sport, the long holidays, the small classes, the slightly less restricted health and safety rules, the uniform, the music and drama departments. The setting (they even have their own vineyard).

I feel it's worth every penny.

We fell into private primary by accident.

It was worth every penny.

Now, instead of being angry we didn’t get any of our primary choices, I’m grateful for the opportunity it set in front of DD.

Something to consider - assuming the cost per year is around £35k for fees and extras (eg music lessons, uniforms, trips which will be more expensive than state school) and your child is there for 7 years (including sixth form) then you will have spent just under £250k on their education. Is that the best way to give them a start or is that money better spent buying them a property so they are mortgage free or investing in a business for them if they want to do that?

I still suffer with a lack of confidence despite being very senior and I don’t think that would have been the case if I’d been privately educated. I think it would also have knocked some of the edges off me and helped my softer skills that would have made my journey through life easier. However I’m not sure if that would have been a bigger benefit to me than my parents spending the same money on me once I entered the workplace.

I was privately educated. Bullied throughout. I got good GCSE and A levels. This has never been followed by a well paid career though. My state educated DH earns substantially more. It didn't open any doors or make connections for me. Also I think I may have been spoon fed and struggled to adapt to work. I think it's worth it for some people but not all. We can't afford to spend 200k on private education, without guarantees. Obviously there are none. For us it would be a huge sum of money. It is only a consideration if we had major issues with local state schools.

I taught in public (state) schools for 30 years. I sent my children to private (religious) school by borrowing from my parents. My grandchildren are now attending private schools with my financial help. It was not about meeting "rich" people. Many parents struggle to pay the fees, taxes, and extras.
The benefits were smaller classes, teachers who were there because they wanted to be (they could have made more money teaching in public schools) and knowing that teachers and parents had much the same morals and values that I wanted to instill in my children/grandchildren.
The influence of parents weakens and the influence of friends grows as children become teenagers. You can't choose your child's friends but you can surround they with a greater number of like-minded choices!
Results: One daughter got scholarship, went on to college, got a degree and has a career. The other daughter went through a series of dead end jobs before finding (after 14 years) her niche and starting on a career. Both girls were adamant that they wanted their children to go to private schools.

We sent our child to a private primary for the same reason as Jacques - lack of state places locally. The wrap around is great, which as two commuters, really helps us out. The staff are great. I've taught in state and private and it seems to be easier for some privates to attract and hang on to better staff due to more pleasant working conditions, better behaviour and longer holidays.

Our daughter is Y1 so too early to say, but signs are she's going to be middle of the road academically and the school certainly get much more work out of her than I can.

Anecdotally (as two data points are hardly evidence) the two private schools I know well as much better at communication than the state schools I know well. They simply have sufficient admin staff to do a quality job, I imagine. State schools have had to cut back a lot on "inessentials" like office staff, exam staff, ground staff, careers advisors, the school nurse...

But in the end choosing a school is an emotional as well as a practical decision. You are lucky. As you can presumably afford fees, you can consider all likely schools to find the right one.

Just to add. Private education is so pricey now that unless you earn heaps, it comes down to that OR a nanny. So think what will make your lives work best. I know one couple who I personally think (would never share this with then as not my business) would have much less stressful lives if they'd gone for state school plus nanny rather than private school with wraparound.

For us, private school has been worth every penny. Our DC's are at a private prep and it's a great school with small class sizes (more than one class per form) and specialist teachers for each subjects from quite early on. Teachers are excellent and really supportive, lots of effort seems to go into finding each child's strong point and making the most of it. There are lots of extra-curricular activities and sporting/musical opportunities.

It is heads and shoulders above our local state options and it suits our DC.

But I suspect that whether private school is "worth it" depends on the individual DC and the respective school. For us, it was absolutely worth the money. For other children, in other schools, then it may not be worth the expense.

I am a teacher. 12 years in a private school, 10 years in state schools. In general no, private schools are not worth it.

I’m an ex-pat in the US, so slightly different, but our local public (state) schools are truly outstanding. Many people graduating the high school have gone on to become leaders in business and the arts. The sports teams are excellent, and the theatre program is nationally regarded.

There are some private schools within the area, but people tend to choose them if their children need extra attention. I honestly couldn’t imagine choosing private over the excellent education my children are receiving in the state system.

Raptor I am perplexed that you are claiming that the more money you have the less chance of bullying and problematic behaviour?

Education is something you can give your dc that no one can take away from them.

I would always pay to try and give them a better education.

In my mind smaller class sizes and selective admissions for the mission of the school make private education highly likely to create a better environment for dc to achieve what they want to and are capable of.

It's an unfair system , favours the rich . Private schools should be shut down . I can even live with schools that select pupils based on academic ability , but based on how much mummy or daddy can afford to pay is not ethically correct . Your kids will benefit though , the system is geared for private school pupils too excel . 40% of kids at Oxbridge are from the 14% % that go to private 6th form / college . It's the land of opportunity look at Kate Middleton , she forced herself on to a balding future king . Now she has become a baby making machine that the state funds .