To be worried about third hand smoke?

[lovehasadiameter]

MIL has offered to help us out with childcare for my 1 year old DD which I am extremely grateful for but I'm concerned about the risks of third hand smoke as MIL is a very heavy smoker.

At the moment, most visits take place in my home or we all go out somewhere together for the day and MIL does not smoke in front of my DD (but will go outside for a cigarette and come straight back in to play with her etc and often has to be reminded to wash her hands).

She plans to have my DD at her own home and whilst she usually smokes either at an open window or at her back door, I have been reading that this doesn't necessarily reduce the risk as the chemicals will still be present on her clothes and hair etc and can still contaminate her house?

AIBU to be concerned about the effects of third hand smoke for my DD?

Honestly I think you're probably worrying a bit over nothing. It might be a risk but it's probably such a small one it's not worth the stress. Being near a road is worse than third hand smoke but I bet you don't worry about going out.

Thanks! I thought I probably was being a bit over protective and TBH it was something I had never even really thought of until someone mentioned it to me a couple of weeks ago.

Think I just needed someone else to tell me IABU 😂

If she smokes inside her home, even with a door or window open your child will suffer. That's not third hand smoke it's second hand, passive smoking

Maybe I’m incredibly precious but I wouldn’t let DS (8months) be in a house where people smoked indoors, including at the back door or by a window. If MIL has to be reminded to wash her hands, what are the chances she’ll bother to if she has sole charge? I’d also be concerned about her wearing the same jacket etc.

I wouldn’t let a smoker look after my child. You are not being over cautious. Also, it’s not 3rd hand smoke, it’s 2nd hand smoke. Your child will be passively smoking.

“Secondhand smoke is a lethal cocktail of more than 4,000 irritants, toxins and cancer-causing substances.
Most secondhand smoke is invisible and odourless, so no matter how careful you think you're being, people around you still breathe in the harmful poisons.”

www.nhs.uk/live-well/quit-smoking/passive-smoking-protect-your-family-and-friends/

I assume that when she has DD she will only smoke outside as that is what she does ATM but her house etc will still be contaminated I guess?

I had said to DH that we should maybe think about alternative childcare arrangements but he thinks IABU and says he will make sure that MIL only smokes outside when she has DD and that I am being precious about worrying about her clothes and furnishings being contaminated.

If she normally smokes in the house then the whole house will be contaminated. All of the carpets, soft furnishings and her clothes will be full of toxic chemicals.

It recently became illegal to smoke in a car with a child and it’s only a matter of time before it becomes illegal to smoke in a house with a child. Smoking outside the back door wont make a whole lot of difference if she’s spent years (and probably all morning before you get there) smoking inside.

YANBU. There have been some worrying studies on third hand smoke recently. I wouldn't want to leave my DC with a smoker.

So OP have you thought about the fact of were DD will be whilst she 'nips out' for a cigarette ? Even if she can see her through a window it takes 2 seconds to shove a finger in a plug socket or pull something on herself

I wouldn't let a smoker look after my DC. I'm pretty relaxed about most things, they eat food off the floor and are allowed to play with pretty much anything they like (1 and 3)but they have not and will not ever spend time around smokers.

The sooner the habit dies out the better.

While she smokes at the door or window, she is focussed on the cigarette not your child. Smoke will be blown into the house unless she is properly outside. And when it is cold or wet outside, will she really bother?

If you trust her, you could give it a try. But if DD's clothes come back stinking of smoke, put an end to it.

So am I right in thinking then that if she has been smoking all morning and then comes to my house to visit, there is still a risk to DD due to her clothes etc being contaminated?

I obviously don't want to tell her she can't have contact with DD but how do I ensure I'm not putting her at any risk?

They already think I'm 'over protective' for completely normal things (Eg because I didn't want to wean DD at 3 months old as was her suggestion but that's a whole other thread)

I wouldn't let a heavy smoker regularly look after my child. If she normally smokes indoors then that will be hanging around. If she goes outside/at the back door when your DD is there, it will still come in. I used to come home from a family member's house stinking of smoke despite the fact they did it at their back door.
It will also be on MILs clothes, hands, and hair.

It is 2nd hand smoking rather than 3rd hand, YANBU to have an issue with this.

Honestly I think you're probably worrying a bit over nothing. It might be a risk but it's probably such a small one it's not worth the stress. Being near a road is worse than third hand smoke but I bet you don't worry about going out.

That's actually not at all true. There are significant risks and known negative health consequences due to third hand smoke. It will also actually be second hand smoke since MiL is just smoking near a window. Personally I'd be OK with it during visits with Mil but not for long term childcare.

Thanks everyone, good to know I'm not being over protective, I think I will look at other childcare options. I don't think it will go down well with her but at the end of the day, I have to put DD safety first.

My MIL is a heavy smoker, inside the house. If we visit with DS 4 months she smokes outside but the house stinks and so do her clothes. I couldn't have her look after DS. I can smell it on us all just being in the house for an hour! It's awful. Your daughter will smell smokey when you bring her home ☹️

So am I right in thinking then that if she has been smoking all morning and then comes to my house to visit, there is still a risk to DD due to her clothes etc being contaminated? I obviously don't want to tell her she can't have contact with DD but how do I ensure I'm not putting her at any risk?

I think it takes 20/30 mins for smoke to leave clothes etc so yes there would still be a risk if it was in less than that time. I know many parents who ask smokers to change their tops and wash their hands if they will be holding young children. A friend of mine has actually suggested to their relatives that they leave a change of clothes at their house for after they have had a cigarette.

It's not over protective at all. I had a conversation with DH about this a few months ago as we had some family members who smoked; they have since given up. But I told him if they went back to it then LO wouldn't be going to their house, or would be leaving once a cigarette was lit, unless they were willing to change their tops.

If it comes down to being called over protective, or keeping the peace but risking any sort of health issue from 2nd hand smoke, I'll take over protectiveness.

There are significant risks and known negative health consequences due to third hand smoke. What are they and where is the peer review research proving this in humans.

I think this is all a bit over the top tbh.
When my DM (71 and life long non smoker) grew up in the 1940s/1950s, ALL parents in her community smoked.
I think risks of lung cancer etc. only start to increase after something like 30 years of smoking.

@ishouldbedoingsomework my grandad smoked and died of lung cancer, its whether you get lucky or not....

You're not being overprotective. It's a case of better safe than sorry I think.

A friend of mine had a cigarette outside a cafe over the weekend and came back in and touched my 6 week old baby's hand straight away. I had an internal meltdown and cleaned his hands in case he put them in his mouth!

@lovehasadiameter you don't need to stop her seeing DD thats over the top. As long as she smokes out side when she visits and washes her hand you will be fine!

I don't think it matters about "in the 70's we did this and I grew up fine" because right here and now we know more about the toxins (like tar, formaldehyde and arsenic) contained in cigarettes and the risk they pose. To continue on the same path as adults did 40 years ago simply because you survived is ignorant.

I think risks of lung cancer etc. only start to increase after something like 30 years of smoking.

And this is utter tripe. The risks are immediate. Otherwise there wouldn't be laws forbidding drivers from smoking when they have children in their cars. If you're ok with a child being at increased risk of bronchitis, pneumonia, cancer and meningitis, that's your call. Sensible people don't allow their children to be put at risks when it's totally avoidable.

OP, use alternative childcare. Secondhand smoke is vile. I'm totally happy with smokers choosing to smoke, but the knock-on effect is that they should acknowledge the risk of them being around babies and children. It's selfish of your MIL to assume she'll be able to smoke with a child in the house, and stupid of her to think because she does it near a window or door that it will have no effect on your DC.

Roy Castle (you're all probably much too young to remember him!) died from lung cancer. He was a lifelong non-smoker so it could only have been from passive smoking!

You are not making a fuss about nothing.

After going to my ILs my DH and I would strip off at the front door, throw our clothes in the washing machine and jump in the shower.