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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed at my friend?

98 replies

kellypp · 27/05/2019 21:50

I've been on a few dates with a guy and really like him.
Friday night we bumped into one of my friends (well she's a close friend but always does her best to make me feel stupid) anyway she sat down with us and had a drink.
Then here is where it starts ...a few days ago I said a girl called "Tina" was always commenting on his Facebook I wonder who she is.
(You know the way sometimes you talk to your friends)
She said to him "oh she's been obsessing over who Tina is,she is so jealous"
"I best not sit too close to you or she might get jealous"
Then she went on to say I'm very moody and love picking a argument (I really don't)
She went on and on and on saying things that made me look crazy and like a idiot.
Things that aren't even true..oh she loves to Facebook stalk her ex etc.
Since then he has been funny with me.
I text her earlier saying why did you do that and she said she was only joking etc .
Do I show him the text to prove she was joking?
I'm really upset about it.
We were getting on so well till she did that.
I said to him that she was only joking and he said he thought she was giving him the heads up.
I feel sick.

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 27/05/2019 22:59

I have a cousin like your 'friend'. We are the same age, both only children and grew up together. She was always making mean remarks, having digs at me, being sneering. I had had enough after a particularly pathetic comment and just cut her out of my life. 11 years ago and I have never missed her.

PigletJohn · 27/05/2019 23:06

Don't do it by text. That will give the impression it is serious.

You can refer to her as "weird Abigail" (or whatever her name is). She is now an ex-acquaintance.

Qweenbee · 27/05/2019 23:09

I'd tell him you are going to be civil and polite to her but that you are going to distance yourself from her now because you saw a totally different side to her that night. Show him the text if it feels appropriate at the time. Just discuss the issue and how you are worried about how he feels on hearing such rubbish. Just be honest about it all and communicate.

Playmytune · 27/05/2019 23:14

Agree with pps, your “friend” is a nasty piece of work.

Though I have to wonder why you would ever class someone who “always does her best to make me feel stupid” as a “close friend”

You need to take a bit more care when choosing your friends!!

Rachelle11 · 27/05/2019 23:21

Do not address it with him. I am shocked you consider someone like this a close friend though.

OccidentalPurist · 27/05/2019 23:23

I agree with what billy1966 said.

I'm also concerned that you just accepting this awful behaviour in front of him without defending yourself may have put him off more than anything else. That and wondering if your other friends are also like this too...

Please get this woman out of your life - your self esteem will triple in no time!

Leeds2 · 27/05/2019 23:29

Given that he is now texting as normal, ignore what your ex friend has said and just get on with your new relationship. Fwiw, I would probably have been a bit "meh" if a friend of a new partner had commented on how much Tina liked his posts - it does show that you have been talking about him (nothing wrong with that!) but possibly not in a nice way (to him, hearing it fresh).
I would ditch your so called friend though. She doesn't have your best interests at heart.

Pantsomime · 27/05/2019 23:31

You are friends with her because you have low self esteem- but so does your friend who is trying to scare him off and generybring a twat. Get rid of her, get him to meet for coffee at a shop in daytime- say I know you’ve been off with me- show him the texts and be brave- ask - do you want to carry on or call it a day

Refilona · 27/05/2019 23:39

A “friend” did this to me when I met (now) dh. She would make jokes about my past (no I wasn’t a saint but she really made it sound worse than it was!) and then would tell me if she was single he would definitely try and hook up with her, always tried to touch him and sound “cool” in front of him. Make me feel bad about my body and my clothes etc. The list goes on and on. I got rid of her and found out dh found her creepy and never liked her. Get rid.

Whatevermission · 28/05/2019 07:18

Imagine it from your BF POV. I would think your 'friend' was a total asshole for saying those things about you

IDrinkAndISewThings · 28/05/2019 07:26

Don't make any more of this to the guy, your 'friend' is a jealous twat, she probably likes that you're single and wants to keep you that way, or is jealous of your ability to go out dating. Full on ditch unless you have loads of history (good history) otherwise major distance for a while I think!

WalkAwaySugarbear · 28/05/2019 07:27

There's no way I'd stay friends with someone who behaved like that.

Are you planning on ditching her? She's not a friend to you.

NauseousMum · 28/05/2019 08:18

Ditch her. Shes is a spiteful piece of work

See how things go with him, if he brings her up say 'yes X, she likes to say spiteful lies about people, it wasn't until the last time we saw her that i realised I'd put up with it for far too long'.

purplegirdles · 28/05/2019 08:55

I used to have a "friend" like this. My self-esteem was really low for many reasons and I let the friendship continue. She would do things like this Tina has done all the time. She was incredibly jealous of any other friendships I made and would try to sabotage them by raking up stuff from my past. It seemed less of an issue to me when we were younger and it was casual boyfriends, etc.. but as we got older I remember I once confided in her that I was taking meds to regulate my periods as DP and I were trying to conceive. I was quite down and a bit emotional about it. We were out with a bunch of folk for a meal and she told everyone at the table, "purplegirdles is on HRT" and laughed. She was even jealous of my relationship with my sister.

Eventually I cut her dead from my life and have never looked back. This friend is utterly toxic OP. Cut her out completely.

I liked what this poster suggested, if you wanted to talk to the new guy at any point:

CalmdownJanet Mon 27-May-19 22:08:23
She is not your friend. Dump her.

Don't text him, next time you see him say "I feel I just need to say that Mary has form for being a liar and not a trouble maker, I was really annoyed at the lies she told the night we met, I'll be giving her a wide berth, but I wanted you to know that I'm actually quite normal and sane although it seems I need to improve my taste in friends" and then just move it along, address it quickly and lightly and carry on with your night

Original poster
kellypp · 28/05/2019 09:15

I have very low self esteem too.
What's crazy is when it's just me and her she doesn't do anything like this and we actually have a nice time.
She just makes sly digs.
She introduced me to one of her friends and she told me she thought I was really fun and she chimes in "really I don't " then laughed.
He text me at 7 am this morning before work so he's still interested I think.
I'm just playing it cool with him and trying to show what she said isn't true.
When I'm with a man I trust him and all I ask is he doesn't cheat.
I certainly don't monitor his every move.

OP posts:
LouiseMiltonSpatula · 28/05/2019 09:20

Honesty you should drop this friend immediately - she isn’t a real friend and clearly has issues of her own. Just quietly let the friendship slide.

gem584848838 · 28/05/2019 09:25

She sounds like she is trying to make herself interesting by putting you down. I've know people like this before. It's vile and horrible.

I wouldn't mention it to him, just show him by your actions that you're not the psycho that she tried to portray you to be. Sounds like he's still interested if he's texted you this morning.

As PP have said I think you should seriously reconsider your friendship with her. I wouldn't even back away slowly. I'd be telling her the exact reason I am not going to be continuing with the friendship.

Sn0tnose · 28/05/2019 09:37

Don’t play it cool with him, just be your normal self. That’s who he was attracted to and wanted to date and it’s who you really are.

I wouldn’t raise it with him again but if she, or what she said, ever comes up in conversation, I’d mention the ‘only joking’ text.

As for her, she is not your friend. If she wants to know why you’re avoiding her, I’d send a text saying ‘I am so bored of you constantly putting me down and making shit up in an attempt to make you feel better about yourself. It’s draining and embarrassing for everyone concerned. What you don’t realise is that when you’re not being a dick, you’re actually ok. The trouble is, you’re a dick a bit too often for my liking and that’s not something I want in a friendship, so I think I’ll leave it there thanks.’

Hedgehogparty · 28/05/2019 09:38

She clearly doesn’t like you at all.
No drama, just say you’re busy each time she tries to contact you

MRex · 28/05/2019 09:38

She's vile, block her on your social media and phone, then simply don't ever engage again. Spend your time with friends who tell you and others how great you are.

It's good to be honest in relationships, but probably better to discuss it in person when you next see him. Tell him you were blindsided and baffled by her random lies that made out you were some kind of psycho, let him know you've decided to focus on better friends and drop contact with "weird Abigail" (I like that one from PP). He's still texting, so he's given you the benefit of the doubt already. I hope it so works out for you.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 28/05/2019 09:40

Don't play it cool! It sounds as if he saw your "friend" for exactly what she is and is definitely still interested. Drop the friend immediately; I wouldn't even bother explaining why; she'll probably revert to the fact that she was only joking and thinks the world of you, and if as you say your self esteem is low, you could waver.

Sounds like a promising relationship so enjoy it!

MRex · 28/05/2019 09:40

I don't think telling weird Abigail why you're upset is helpful by the way, she seems the type to take revenge. Just ignore her, if you see her then say you're busy / just leaving / "sorry we're having a private chat right now" and move away.

Sonicknuckles · 28/05/2019 09:42

Dump her she's a bitch and did it deliberately. She's not a friend.

Puffkin · 28/05/2019 09:45

Text back and say “Well I didn’t find it funny in the slightest and frankly I’m sick of your shitty behaviour towards me whenever we’re in company together. I think it’s best we have no further contact.”
Then block her, if your new guy chooses to believe a woman he doesn’t even know over you then I don’t think you need to waste much more time on him.

Drum2018 · 28/05/2019 09:52

Have a bit of self respect and ditch the bitch. Block her from phone, Facebook etc. If she does manage to make contact with you just tell her you have had enough of her put downs over the years and have realised she's not a friend after all.

Don't mention her remarks to your bf again. If he does bring it up tell him your friend said afterwards that she was only joking, but leave it at that. Don't get into a rant about her. She won't be part of your life now so won't have opportunity to try to wreck your relationships.

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