To be annoyed at my friend?

[kellypp]

I've been on a few dates with a guy and really like him.
Friday night we bumped into one of my friends (well she's a close friend but always does her best to make me feel stupid) anyway she sat down with us and had a drink.
Then here is where it starts ...a few days ago I said a girl called "Tina" was always commenting on his Facebook I wonder who she is.
(You know the way sometimes you talk to your friends)
She said to him "oh she's been obsessing over who Tina is,she is so jealous"
"I best not sit too close to you or she might get jealous"
Then she went on to say I'm very moody and love picking a argument (I really don't)
She went on and on and on saying things that made me look crazy and like a idiot.
Things that aren't even true..oh she loves to Facebook stalk her ex etc.
Since then he has been funny with me.
I text her earlier saying why did you do that and she said she was only joking etc .
Do I show him the text to prove she was joking?
I'm really upset about it.
We were getting on so well till she did that.
I said to him that she was only joking and he said he thought she was giving him the heads up.
I feel sick.

No

Don’t send the message as you are making too much of it.

Be breezy and fun and normal.

I would 100% ditch the friend though. I’m not even joking. Just block her. She’s not very nice.

She isn't your friend and I'd cut her adrift - with friends like that you will not need enemies. She was being a cow and knows it. I know when my best friend met my now husband she raved about me. I'd give the man a bit of leeway as it sounds like you're just getting to know each other.

Don’t message about it, if it comes up in conversation just dismiss her as a gossip that you barely know. Then ditch her and make that sentence true!

I wouldn't send the message either. Go on another date and prove her wrong by how things pan out.

Don't send the text...just carry on as normal...

But do dump shit friend!

No don't message him, make light of it when you see him but texting will make a bigger deal out of it and you'll look defensive

YANBU. It's one thing having banter amongst friends but she was deliberately humiliating you but bringing that all up on a date. I wouldn't show him the text but I'd make it clear she delights in tying to show you up (sounds like it's true).

The fact she mentioned 'Tina' alone would make me dump her, she's no friend of yours to do that. You can't trust her and she's tried to make you look bad- why she did so is neither here nor there, the fact is she did it. A friend wouldn't ever, ever do that.
I'd probably see him face to face and explain that you'd just been musing with her and you have no idea why she went full jellyfish on you in front of him but that you're no longer going to engage with her as you were so hurt by someone you considered a friend making a big deal of something you mentioned in passing and then going on to try to make you look foolish and assassinate your character in front of him when she'd never said any such thing to you in private. Let him know that most of it wasn't true and that you're baffled by her behaviour and don't want to be friends now because it was just so bizarre and that you hadn't seen this side to her before.

OP Don't be friends with her, and ditch. But what on earth were you doing asking him about Tina? Social media is a bitch.

@crosstalk I didn't,I had said to her over a coffee "oh I wonder who she is,if she's a ex etc"
Not expecting her to ever tell him.

That was a major cunt off what a bitch block and ignore .

"So would you all send him that message but make a joke of it ?"

Why would you make a joke of it? Your so called friend made up lies about you and tried to pass them off as a 'joke'! Why wouldn't you just be honest with him?

Show him the text by all means, reiterate that your 'friend' was lying, that you are devastated to find out that as she has now shown she wants to hurt and harm you, and that no matter how her action affects your relationship (even if it brings about it's premature end) you want him to at least know the truth, and that is why you are showing him her text.

Then show him the text, and then drop the subject. Drop your 'friend' too.

As he’s been messaging as normal today I’d just leave it now. I definitely wouldn’t be showing him messages that ‘prove’ it was a joke.

If I were him, I’d be thinking more about the fact you’d been looking at his Facebook and then talking about whoever Tina might be!

This woman is no friend. She’s crossed a line and has treated you terribly.

Immediately disassociate with the ghastly bitch; absolutely no further contact. If boyfriend brings subject up (you certainly don’t), just say ‘she’s no friend of mine as you must have gathered from what she said’ and leave it there. Good luck.

What a bitch. Damn. I'm sorry, OP.

I would carry on as normal, don't send text and don't go along with the 'it's a joke." It's not.

And I'd call time on the friendship. She's either exceptionally clueless to not realise she behaved in a shitty way and upset you - or she's a bitch. I'm going with the latter.

Don't send him it.

Next time you see him offer to show him if it comes up but he shouldn't be overreacting this much.

Dump the friend! Carry on as normal with the bloke. Drop it now don't send the text. If he asks about then tell him the truth!

Seriously though this person is not looking out for your best interest cut them out.

That’s absolutely shocking. She’s no friend. She’s a cow!

Years ago my sister regularly said things like your 'friend'. I was the butt of her 'jokes', and every second sentence she spoke belittled me in some way or another. I still remember how she would rake up my past, going as far back as my childhood and spit out all my shortcomings in front of people I barely knew. I didn't have much confidence growing up and it really was only when I was much older that I realised why!

I don't know why she did it, other than to make herself look better, be 'amusing' at my expense. I remember having some terrible arguments where I called her out on it. Nowadays she doesn't say anything in front of me but I would hazard a guess, she does when I'm not around.

Drop this 'friend' of yours OP. You don't need somebody like that in your life.

And also,

she's a close friend but always does her best to make me feel stupid

I see variations of this so often here. No. People who go out of their way to make you feel insecure and less than you are, they're not your friend.

I’d be asking myself a few questions, like why you describe someone as a ‘close friend’ and in the same breath say she ‘always does her best to make me feel stupid’, and yet you confide in her and give her ammunition to set up a situation where she publicly undermines you in front of someone you care about?

With friends like her...….
Terrible behaviour I am shocked. She must be jealous or something.
Wouldn't forward her text just act normally.

X-posted with wild. Yes, exactly, it does come up bafflingly often on here.

I'd wait till you see him next and mention it then. Say you were angry with her as she sat there and told lies about you and you called her on it. Show him the text then to show that she was 'joking'.

As for your 'friend', what a spiteful nasty piece of work! I'd dump her faster than nuclear waste.

I bet she's in his DMs faux-apologising and saying it was nice to meet him yadda yadda. Women like that are all the same.