To think sports day sucks

[Scion457]

DS is 10, it’s sports day next week and he’s really not looking forward to it. Despite his best efforts he always comes last in his races. His best friends always do very well. I can imagine how it makes him feel. I do my best to encourage him and he doesn’t let it upset him but it’s a yearly confidence knock. He’s very flat footed and in-toes which effects his running.

Any pearls of wisdom? Things to say to make him feel better? It doesn’t help that his mates seem to be going through a very competitive phase, thankfully it goes over his head.

It annoys me because he’s fantastic at maths and reading. He’s kind and funny but none of that gets awarded so publicly. Oh and the mum’s shouting and cheering when their kids do well. Ugh,I hate the whole things too.

The kids know who the more able and least able ones in their class are though, even if it's never explicitly made public. They see some kids race through book bands and some go for extra help. They know who always gets 10/10 on spellings and times tables. They know who struggles to write much in class and who writes pages and pages. They know who's never allowed to have lots of lines in the school play because they can't learn them.

If there are ability tables they know that octagon are top and triangles are bottom. If the classes mix up for English and maths, they know which set is which.

They know who needs a TA to help them.

And yes, there's lots of evidence to show that this harms children's self esteem from an early age.

I'm not saying sports day really helps but to say that academic ability isn't public isn't true. The kids always know and children care far more about their peers than some random parent knowing.

But honestly developing resilience in coping with coming last is more important than winning.

Life will be full of knocks and failures. You can't protect him from them all.

Teach him how to handle it well and move on.

I agree @drspouse
For DD2 it really wasn't sports day once a year that impacted her. It was the delightful children in her class who were happy to point out to her her poor spelling, messy handwriting, low quality drawings.
Or who asked what she got in a test and then said how much better their score was.
The regular in classroom trying but not being very good was what impacted her most. Not sports day. (Though school managed sports day well and ensured races were fast, medium or slow).

We've had another child (friend of DS from nursery, not even at our school) in the local library ask DS what book band he was on - thankfully the mum shut the DC down! I'm sure this has happened in the classroom.

Other children coming out of the classroom on spelling test day telling their parents what they got and asking others what they got (I'm not sure DS has ever got a single spelling right). And of course they all know what table everyone is on, they all see the work up on the walls and they all know DS has 1:1 help. They all call him naughty.
(And soon, they will all know that DS has been asked to leave )
Same with DD who is still on pink band for reading at the end of YR, the other parents will be telling their children how proud of them they are for moving up a book band, the children take this on and ask their friends. The children know that Mrs X's phonics group does easier work than the other groups and they know who's in Mrs X's group.

Sports day is a minor, minor concern in our world.