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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think sports day sucks

79 replies

Scion457 · 27/05/2019 21:06

DS is 10, it’s sports day next week and he’s really not looking forward to it. Despite his best efforts he always comes last in his races. His best friends always do very well. I can imagine how it makes him feel. I do my best to encourage him and he doesn’t let it upset him but it’s a yearly confidence knock. He’s very flat footed and in-toes which effects his running.

Any pearls of wisdom? Things to say to make him feel better? It doesn’t help that his mates seem to be going through a very competitive phase, thankfully it goes over his head.

It annoys me because he’s fantastic at maths and reading. He’s kind and funny but none of that gets awarded so publicly. Oh and the mum’s shouting and cheering when their kids do well. Ugh,I hate the whole things too.

OP posts:

drspouse · 27/05/2019 22:59

There are some DC who are hopeless at sports and struggle with academic work too (and music and art).
Yes, I have two of these.
They are in infants now and love trying but I can see it getting a lot harder when they are older and keep being less successful at everything.

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 27/05/2019 23:03

I'd keep him off - I find it's usually the parents who have children who are quite good at sports who come out with all the cliches about how it's life, can't be good at everything.etc.

Coming last in every race is not about accepting that you are not good at it, it's public humiliation and great bullying fodder. I was always last in every race at school but good academically. I never knew who was bottom for maths, English or any other subject, but everyone knew I was bottom at sports.

In life (i.e adult life) no one makes anyone else participate in something that will subject them to ridicule and humiliation. The students who are awful at sports do not need it to be publicly demonstrated to understand that they are crap at it. It's actually not a lesson they need to learn. I think sports day should be mainly fun activities and those that want to participate in races can do so.

RandomMess · 27/05/2019 23:04

When your child isn't academic the rest of the class knows, it is seem most days... every test, sats results, book bands, work on the walls it really is incredibly visible to their peers.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 27/05/2019 23:29

I was your son. There is nothing you can say that will make this better for him.

PE put me off sport - especially anything competitive - for life. Always being last no matter how hard you try means you eventually give up altogether. The humiliation, the very visible lack of success, the total lack of fun, they all give you a deep seated desire to avoid sport in adult life. People who enjoyed PE will never understand this.

To this day, I only ever engage in the sort of exercise that's non competitive and can be worked into the rest of my life - primarily walking the dog and cycling for transport. I also enjoy skiing. I don't even run for the bus.

If school sport had been the sort where anyone could succeed, and it wasn't all rigged in favour of those with the right physique (ie the tall ones!) then perhaps I would have a more positive relationship with exercise as an adult.

It's a good job I'm naturally slim. I've got Dr's talking about having me do specific exercises / join a gym for reasons relating to a health condition I may have. I know full well I'll never manage to stick to it long term because I just don't have any positive relationship with sport due to my school PE experiences.

Honestly? The best thing you could do for your son would be to pull him from sports day and find him a sport where success isn't based on physical prowess or innate physical characteristics, but skill - horse riding, golf, cycling for transport not speed, skiing, skateboarding, dance etc

Greeborising · 27/05/2019 23:30

MyDarling no, don’t keep him off!
It really isn’t parents with sporty kids who say this is life.
It IS life
I’ve experienced an absolute bullet on the track, one who tried but was more interested in larking about with mates and another who really couldn’t give a fart and enjoyed making daisy chains.
They are all wonderful, have a great sense of self worth and are their own person.
Embrace that

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 27/05/2019 23:37

it's not the not winning it's the publicly loosing. that’s exactly it. I don’t think a child struggling with anything else would have to do so so publicly.

Quite.

At sports day, the kids are lined up in front of the entire school and many parents, and then everyone can see exactly how crap the unsporty ones are.

If they ranked the children by end of year test results, put them on the wall of every classroom and distributed it to all the parents it would be considered an outrageous form of humiliation for the less academic - but this is almost exactly what is done annually to the less sporty.

Greeborising · 27/05/2019 23:38

Surely the answer is for schools to change the way it goes?

EskiVodkaCranberry · 27/05/2019 23:40

My DS wins every race on sports day. For the rest of the school year he's separated for 'catch up' maths, English and everything else. He doesn't get parts in plays because he wouldn't remember any lines, he can't recite the alphabet at 8, he very much knows who the clever kids are when they mark each others work and he barely gets any marks. It annoys me that people resent sporty kids, it's pot luck and the parents at his sports day rolling their eyes because 'he always wins' certainly don't seem to notice that he works his socks off every single day yet has never won star of the week or whatever else. It's one day each year that gives other children a chance to shine.

Nat6999 · 27/05/2019 23:40

DS hated sports day at primary, he has always managed to avoid it at secondary, he is either "sick" or I arrange his hospital appointments for that day to avoid him missing lessons, he just isn't sporty, he is academic, he loves learning.

SleepingSloth · 27/05/2019 23:45

If it makes him really miserable then just let him have the day off. It could put him off exercise in the long term which wouldn't be good.

Epanoui · 28/05/2019 00:05

DD hates sport and isn't good at it. She can barely catch a ball or swim aged 12. I keep reminding her that in the rest of her life, the important bit where she might go to university, get a job she loves, earn money, have a family, buy a house, do something important that changes the world (she has plans for this), literally nobody ever will care how well she did on sports day. School isn't about sports, nobody gets assessed on sports in any way that makes a difference to their chances of a future happy life, nobody has their life chances closed down by being bad at sports and it's literally the least important thing you will ever do at school.

Having said that, I do point out that exercise is a good thing for everyone and when she's a grown up she can choose the exercise that makes her happy and healthy (yoga, dance, cycling for DD) and we regularly choose to walk instead of drive etc. Sport is not about being the best for those who don't enjoy it, it's only about being healthy and people who are rubbish at it can still choose to do things that make them healthier. Which means they will go forward into their future lives still crap at sports but healthy and able to continue being healthy and pursue their own goals.

I get it, OP. It is hard. But honestly, just teach him not to give a crap because it's not worth giving a crap about.

Original poster

Scion457 · 28/05/2019 08:00

Epanoui my DS never gets ‘to shine’ either. I don’t go around boasting about what bookband he’s on or what mark he got in his spellings. SATS results will be kept private. There is no public reward for him. Even though his results are good he still finds it difficult.

I would never eye roll at the kids who do well on sports day, we clap and congratulate. It’s just hard to see DS giving it his all and coming last each time while his friends are high fiving, the parents whooping and cheering.

OP posts:

Original poster

Scion457 · 28/05/2019 08:02

Epanoui thankyou, that was very helpful.

OP posts:

herculepoirot2 · 28/05/2019 08:11

I get where you’re coming from, OP, but sportsmanship is a good lesson. Competition is good. Being a gracious loser is good. I’d be telling my child to practise, then hold up her head if she came last and I would be very proud of her.

Mumshappy · 28/05/2019 08:13

My dd8 is not academic and she was aware from reception class where she stood in the pecking order from the tables in class. She loves sport and sports day. I will watch her races and be proud. Its the one day that other abilities are rewarded. Week after week the same children are picked out at assembly for academic success. I dont agree with the system but its how it is. It wont do ds any harm for one afternoon. I wouldnt keep him off school its an opportunity for him to maybe enjoy something out of his comfort zone.

drspouse · 28/05/2019 08:13

I don’t go around boasting about what bookband he’s on or what mark he got in his spellings.
But his beautiful, mature work will be up on display in the classroom, and possibly framed for posterity. Neither of my DCs' work will ever be the star piece.

quietcontentment · 28/05/2019 08:24

We cant all be great at everything, your son always comes last in sports day but is very good at maths and reading, some will have one day to shine in sports day but may find school very hard in general, they may feel inferior every day at school.
I remember sports day at school and PE I would be last, keep dropping the ball in netball etc, I however enjoyed having a go, the people who got most wound up were the ones who wanted to win, I told one of them one day to shut the hell up, it's school, your learning, if you want to win join a sports club and enter competitions.

I was always not so great in class, to this day the problems I had were other peoples opinions on how I wasnt bright enough or fast enough, it was that that p**sed me off rather that my ability.

In adulthood I took up running, turns out later in life I'm quite good. I run my own business, do all the admin, bookkeeping etc so clearly I am brighter than what appeared at school.

We are all crap at somethings and good at others, some of our skills take time to develop and will not be obvious as kids. If your comfortable with this then your turn will come, if not then you may well end up with low self esteem.

MsTSwift · 28/05/2019 08:30

Dd2 is the least competitive child ever always has been. Jogs the races in a can’t be arsed manner and comes last if not bottom. Dh was horrified . She’s so far ahead of her class in English she’s completed work for the year ahead and is kind and stunningly beautiful so we figure you can’t have it all.

herculepoirot2 · 28/05/2019 08:30

I also worry about the attitude that we are all innately good at some things and bad at others. We change. A tiny, skinny kid who always comes last in the 100m but has a good work ethic? = Captain America. In all seriousness, he might one day be a good marathon runner like all the other skinny, geeky kids. Or, if the issue is that he’a too stocky to run fast, he might get into rugby or throwing events when he’s a bit older. Don’t write him off, because that will put him off.

Charlou19 · 28/05/2019 09:10

My daughter is very sporty and loves sports day. Whereas academically she’s not doing too great. She gets upset when she’s put into one of the lower groups for maths or English etc. So in my opinion , sports day is her time to shine. All children are different and better at different things. I love to watch her at sports day and see her confidence rocket as her confidence isn’t as good in classes.

MissUGirl · 28/05/2019 09:15

Can you interest him in a sport that doesn't require running?

However, it is good to try things that you aren't good at—it makes you appreciate the fact that different people have different talents. There are seven recognized forms of intelligence, with "physical intelligence" being just one.

YouBumder · 28/05/2019 09:16

YANBU, primary school sports days are utterly pointless. That said maybe the children that win aren’t as good at the academic stuff so this is their chance to shine. Our school does non competitive sports day where the kids compete for house points.

I wouldn’t ban sports days but I don’t see why parents need to attend them, I don’t see why they can’t just do it in private.

If you feel that strongly just keep him off school on the day.

herculepoirot2 · 28/05/2019 09:55

I wouldn’t ban sports days but I don’t see why parents need to attend them, I don’t see why they can’t just do it in private.

Parents don’t need to attend. Many want to.

drspouse · 28/05/2019 10:01

I do notice that those who agree with the OP have DCs that excel at something other than sport.
Those whose DC are never lauded for being best at something have given up and are trying to teach their DCs to be good sports, and try hard despite lack of success across the board.

SleepingSloth · 28/05/2019 10:06

Week after week the same children are picked out at assembly for academic success.

Sounds like a terrible school if that's all they give rewards and recognition for. My child's primary school and the other primary schools in the area that my friends have children at, reward effort, improvement, behaviour, kindness etc. I wouldn't send my child to a school that only rewards academic success if they were not very academic as it would obviously impact their confidence.

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