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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Choosing a holiday over a home

57 replies

Mumofone1593 · 27/05/2019 19:39

I am 99 percent I'm unreasonable.

Saving for a house, need 5 percent deposit, we have 4,000 and need another 5,000 to get our deposit for a 140,000 house and solicitors.

But I've now out the blue decided I really want a girl's holiday; I have a 1 year old so it could be some type of post partum thing where I have been attached to my son for so long and now I've stoped breastfeeding I want to run, but I honestly feel the pull to leave my family and a have a week drinking in the sun SO MUCH.

I assume it would cost about 500/800? I've never been on a girly holiday? But would put the house plans back 1-2 months.

What do you think? Will I regret it and should wait til I have a mortgage or should I say screw it and spend some savings on a holiday?

I'm 29 but feel a mix between being 70 some days and feeling 16 other days!

Any opinions welcome! And even writing this I know 2 months isn't too long and I should really wait, but I honestly just want a break from being a mum!

OP posts:
BendydickCuminsnatch · 27/05/2019 19:41

Hmm. It’s only a 2 month delay. I don’t spose you’ve found a house or started any process yet if you’re still saving? So it would only affect you and your family. What does your DP/DH think??

BendydickCuminsnatch · 27/05/2019 19:41

I’m 29 too by the way and having some similar thoughts as I approach 30 (not until Nov!). I’d have a holiday and you can always brand it as a 30th celebration 😄

Original poster
Mumofone1593 · 27/05/2019 19:45

Haven't even mentioned it to him! He would probably be unhappy as he always thinks I'm having an affair... As we all know disabled middle aged women are everyone's type Hmm so he'd hate the idea of me being abroad and drinking! I don't even know why I want to, I don't have any home issues, I guess I want a break and to feel me again, at the moment it is work-mum-work and I feel a bit lost?

OP posts:
Symbol · 27/05/2019 19:46

It is only putting your plans back a month or two. It is not a choice between a holiday or a house. It's delaying it very slightly. I'd go for it if that is the only thing holding you back but a week without your one year old may be less enjoyable than you think.

Popc0rn · 27/05/2019 20:11

"I assume it would cost about 500/800? I've never been on a girly holiday? But would put the house plans back 1-2 months."

Depends how cheap you can get the flights and accommodation, I've been on girly holidays that cost less than £300 for the week before.

Do you have an idea of where and who you want to go with?

Nearlythere1 · 27/05/2019 20:15

It sounds like you do have some home issues if that's your partner's attitude whenever you want a night out. No wonder you want to run!

AllTheFours44 · 27/05/2019 20:15

Is 29 middle aged now?!

blibblibs · 27/05/2019 20:19

Well we're saving for a deposit too but went on holiday last year and we're going again this year.
We need a bigger deposit and it's taken 18 months so far and will probably take another 18 months but we decided we wouldn't stop doing things to knock maybe 6/9 months off the saving plan.
Life is too short to not have something to look forward too.

laurG · 27/05/2019 20:22

How about just doing a long weekend? A bit of a compromise. I totally understand your desire to get away. I’d do anything for one night out and a night alone in a hotel!

poppinpink · 27/05/2019 20:23

Go on the holiday! You only live once!! X

Hiphopopotamous · 27/05/2019 20:25

It won't set you back 1-2 months though, because surely if you get to go away on a girls break your DP can have the same amount of money to go away on a boys break or treat himself to something he'd like? So it will push back 2-4 months and £1000-1600.

Why does he think you're having an affair though? Should you be buying a house together?

Geminijes · 27/05/2019 20:28

How would you feel if your husband wanted a 'boys' holiday?

If you would be OK with him wanting to on holiday while saving for a deposit then book a holiday, if you wouldn't like him to go away then don't go yourself.

Yorkshirelady · 27/05/2019 20:49

Just be careful. The mortgage company want to know EVERYTHING that you spend your money on....holidays / savings / childcare / magazines...they are bloody brutal and will go over your bank statements for the last 6 months at least before they make a decision about if they will loan you a mortgage. If you've spent hundreds on a holiday they may assume that this is your regular holiday outgoing and will add it to your income / expenditure information to inform their affordability criteria. You've got to be squeeky clean to get accepted (its not enough to have a great credit rating anymore.) Can your holiday wait until AFTER you've got the mortgage? I know you want to get away and let your hair down...and you can....but it might be wise to wait. Martin Lewis has some great tips on his website....I found it really helpful last year when we went for our mortgage.

everyonesacf · 27/05/2019 21:07

I would go on holiday because I wouldn't be buying a house with someone who thinks I'm always having affairs

DoNotDisturbPlease · 27/05/2019 21:28

@Yorkshirelady

You are taking utter nonsense. I am a mortgage broker.

OP go on the holiday it's fine, so what you have to wait another 2 months- that's not long. Enjoy yourself. Be careful buying a house with a man who apparently always thinks you're having an affair though. He sound like a bit of a tit.

GlitterPixie · 27/05/2019 21:35

29 is not middle aged Hmm

WeirdAndPissedOff · 27/05/2019 22:04

You're not necessarily BU - if it will only put you back a couple of months, and DH is on board, then go for it! If DH is not on board, then I wouldn't go - either he has reasonable reservations, or you have bigger problems.

However, you say he thinks you are having affairs? This is something that needs to be resolved before you buy a house together. This can be a major red flag in a relationship - look very carefully to see if there are any others. If not, then you still have a pretty big issue in that he doesn't feel he can trust you. You need to work with him to find out why, and if it can be resolved, but you cant make such a big commitment as a mortgage/house purchase if there's not mutual trust.

user1493413286 · 27/05/2019 22:09

I completely understand your wish for a holiday. Equally I know that if my DH said something similar I’d be really unhappy with it so I think it really depends if its something you think is fair on you both.
Could you compromise and do a weekend away? I’m not sure I could have coped with a week away from my 1 year old but a weekend I found amazingly refreshing

sqirrelfriends · 27/05/2019 22:16

Please tell me 29 is not Middle Aged!!! I'm about to turn 30 myself and have been trying to tell myself it still fairly young.

On the holiday front I would go and enjoy some free time, you're only middle aged once Wink

theWarOnPeace · 27/05/2019 22:29

I feel like I’m saying this a lot lately, and it’s the new ‘LTB’, but there are red flags here. Yes you should go on holiday if it will improve your wellbeing and motivation, as that has value in itself, but you DP not wanting you to drink or go anywhere and being suspicious of you. What’s all that about?

Attache · 27/05/2019 22:31

Say it was 800 so you're saving 400 a month. You're planning to have saved £5k in about 13 months, is that right? So the first £4k took you less than a year to save?

If it took you longer I think you have to conclude it'll cost you more than 1-2 months, and if your DH spent the same it would be 2-4 months extra. Then factor in that Christmas might set you back as well...

Personally I would compromise on a weekend away with the girls and leave it at that.

stopitandtidyupp · 27/05/2019 22:33

Go on the holiday. Life is for living but then I value experience more than the 2 by 2 walls I rest my head in.

You are not middle aged though!

The partner comment isn't good either.

Iggii · 27/05/2019 22:37

I would struggle going away from a little one for a full week. I’d have no problem at all going away from a jealous partner for a week though.

Skittlesss · 27/05/2019 22:42

Ask yourself if it’s a holiday with the girls you want... or you actually want to be away from your OH. He doesn’t sound like he’s a good partner.

Passtherioja · 27/05/2019 22:46

29...middle aged!!! Yes in that respect YABVU....I'll read a bit more before I decide if you are in regard to the main reason for your post!!
29...29....just Christ I'm only just counting myself as middle aged at 49!!!