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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Choosing a holiday over a home

57 replies

Mumofone1593 · 27/05/2019 19:39

I am 99 percent I'm unreasonable.

Saving for a house, need 5 percent deposit, we have 4,000 and need another 5,000 to get our deposit for a 140,000 house and solicitors.

But I've now out the blue decided I really want a girl's holiday; I have a 1 year old so it could be some type of post partum thing where I have been attached to my son for so long and now I've stoped breastfeeding I want to run, but I honestly feel the pull to leave my family and a have a week drinking in the sun SO MUCH.

I assume it would cost about 500/800? I've never been on a girly holiday? But would put the house plans back 1-2 months.

What do you think? Will I regret it and should wait til I have a mortgage or should I say screw it and spend some savings on a holiday?

I'm 29 but feel a mix between being 70 some days and feeling 16 other days!

Any opinions welcome! And even writing this I know 2 months isn't too long and I should really wait, but I honestly just want a break from being a mum!

OP posts:
Letthemysterybe · 27/05/2019 22:47

Middle aged??!!

Sorry for focussing on the wrong thing but...... 29? Middle aged?

sansou · 27/05/2019 22:48

Keep your eyes on the prize. How long have you been saving and how much longer have you got to save? You're an adult and delayed gratification/financial discipline is key if saving a deposit for your own home is the goal.

If my DH did this to me when we were saving for a deposit in the past, I would be massively cheesed off. We saved up for a year by foregoing holidays completely and almost no going out - it was the only way to do it relatively quickly.

BumandChips · 27/05/2019 22:49

Middle aged? Fuck me, I’m 41, I must be dead. Hmm

Mummyshark2019 · 27/05/2019 22:52

I would not be buying a house with that man. Someone who does not trust you, thinks you're cheating and having affairs. So some who does not trust you to go away on your own.

Nomorepies · 27/05/2019 22:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Qweenbee · 27/05/2019 22:58

I was going to say three house is more important but if it will only delay things by 1-2 months then go for it.
More importantly should you be buying a house with someone who doesn't trust you?

Qweenbee · 27/05/2019 23:00

On the holiday front I would go and enjoy some free time, you're only middle aged once

Grin
FuckMNDoubleStandards · 27/05/2019 23:03

Would you be okay if your husband then wanted his own holiday with his friends? I assume baby will be left with him for the week? If you would agree for him to do the same then it's fair, otherwise it's unfair that one person gets to have a holiday between saving and the other does not.

JoJoSM2 · 27/05/2019 23:05

I'd probably compromise by going on a cheap weekend away. Provided that then you'll be back on track and it won't carry on blowing money on stuff until you've bought your house.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2019 23:09

Dump the bloke....he is a toxic fucker

Kaiylee · 27/05/2019 23:10

He would probably be unhappy as he always thinks I'm having an affair...

This is a much bigger problem. I'm not surprised you want to escape without him if he's constantly accusing you of having an affair.

Spending a few hundred quid on a break to save your sanity is absolutely fine. Living your life on eggshells not so much.

puppy23 · 27/05/2019 23:23

I vote holiday, you deserve some time in the sun

pickme · 27/05/2019 23:51

No because in a year it will be another holiday then a weekend with dh then a family holiday then you will be 40and no home.tonight I am in
My garden age 50 sipping wine by a fire. kids and hubby asleep I have my refuge. no 6 monthly inspections, no you can't do this or that. I find my need to go away diminished the second the stress of rental went. I have built a huge shed thing and my friends can sleep over. we have been here 18 months wish I had realised the short term pain over long term gain years ago.

HeddaGarbled · 28/05/2019 00:00

Honestly, I think you need to grow up. A week drinking in the sun? Leaving a one year old behind? The time for that sort of holiday is either before you have children or once they’re off your hands.

ReanimatedSGB · 28/05/2019 00:18

Go on the holiday - and use the time away to think whether or not you can stand living with a controlling, suspicious man or whether your savings would be better spent on getting rid of him.

Persimmonn · 28/05/2019 00:25

Haven't even mentioned it to him! He would probably be unhappy as he always thinks I'm having an affair...

Forget the house, take the money and have your holiday and then run like mad.

janetforpresident · 28/05/2019 00:33

Do you have a family holiday planned because if we were saving hard for something and therefore not having a family holiday and then DH announced he was having a week away drinking with his mates it would not go down well.

The jealousy and suspicion would make me run a mile but perhaps you were joking about that?

GibbonLover · 28/05/2019 00:45

Oh do bore off Hedda, she's a human being who clearly needs a break, not some mummy martyr.

Whatareyoutalkingabout · 28/05/2019 06:17

Middle aged at 29! I can't get past this to concentrate on the rest of the thread!

ANewDawn10 · 28/05/2019 07:03

I would say go for it, it's only 2 months max. But I would say your reaction is a bit extreme. To want to go away for a whole week from currently being with your baby all the time. Would you feel ok being away for such a long time, or would the baby be ok.with his dad. I think maybe try work out why you feel the need to be away from everyone so suddenly.

aposterhasnoname · 28/05/2019 07:14

29 is middle aged, fuck me, what does that make me at 50?

Qweenbee · 28/05/2019 07:32

I should think most mothers dream of escaping the monotony of baby drudgery. In reality most wouldn't spare the money and most would struggle to be away from their child for a week.

Compromise on a good, cheap weekend away and then be a bit more realistic.

Why does your dh think you are likely to have an affair? It is worrying.

Lllot5 · 28/05/2019 07:44

I don’t think this is house versus holiday. I think you are feeling suffocated by your DH, understandably. Maybe that’s what needs addressing.

NeverTwerkNaked · 28/05/2019 07:51

No wonder you need a holiday! That doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship.

Would a weekend away be a good compromise? Will give you time to reflect on whether you should buy a house with him.

givemesteel · 28/05/2019 08:04

Agree your partner sounds v controlling if he will accuse you of affairs and not like you going abroad without you... Something to think about.

My opinion is not to, firstly, there's no way you'll do a week abroad for £500-800 unless you're sleeping in a tent. So I imagine it will be at least double that even with v careful spending.

Secondly if you break your resolve now it will be easier to justify why you need to spend £500 on a new phone or whatever, plus your partner I'm sure will feel justified in spending a similar amount on himself.

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