Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel secretly sad

54 replies

reytmardy · 27/05/2019 15:08

DH has low energy, doesn't want to go anywhere. Managed to get him to take us (D's, 12) and myself to an activity this morning . Place has just opened and was empty but he still complained the music was too loud. It was nice weather when we left and I asked to go to park, and it was a no because he wanted to go back home (it was 11.15 am) came home and he has just sat watching TV. He's now nearly asleep.
DS is playing with Lego and fortunately has a sport activity later this afternoon. DH will not take us to the activity, which is twice a week, as he might not be able to park his car again when gets back. All the other parents collect their children. We are always the ones stood waiting for the bus.
He has regular reviews for thyroid meds and isn't depressed (been seen by GP) It's an embedded attitude. I do everything with Ds on my own

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2019 15:10

Have his other levels been tested? For vitamins and hormones? Is he overweight?

IHeartArya · 27/05/2019 15:12

How difficult for you. I’ve no real advice but didn’t want to read & run. Do you drive? Could you learn if you don’t? Would you be able to afford a car to make you more independent? Flowers

bigchris · 27/05/2019 15:12
Sad

He sounds depressed or has checked out of family life

If you don't want to be the only one who gets the bus why dont you drive ? Or do you have a medical condition ?

bigchris · 27/05/2019 15:13

I feel sorry for your ds, I'd be striving to make myself more independent for his sake and one day for yours as this is no way to live

SVRT19674 · 27/05/2019 15:14

Well a GP is not a psychologist. There is specialization in medicine for a reason. To me he sounds depressed and something like chronic depression. He could also be an arsehole, or both. I suffer from thyroid and I am nothing like this. Needs more investigation in the mental health section of medicine.

newjobnerves · 27/05/2019 15:14

Can you learn to drive? (I'm assuming that's why you're reliant on him).

Original poster
reytmardy · 27/05/2019 15:16

I'm not reliant. We get everywhere by public transport no problems. It is the disinterest

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 27/05/2019 15:17

I don’t want to excuse your DH, because it really sounds like he’s tired and disinterested, but, it must be a nightmare to be the only driver in a family with children. Everyone would be dependant on you to ferry them about and you’d be up

BarrenFieldofFucks · 27/05/2019 15:17

He sounds lazy more than anything else

Passthecherrycoke · 27/05/2019 15:17

Whoops posted too soon-

Up and down on everyone else’s agenda. It’s bank holiday, can’t blame him for wanting a rest

Passthecherrycoke · 27/05/2019 15:18

The way you’re asking him if you can go places makes it sound like you’re reliant on him?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/05/2019 15:22

Oh do read what she posted... public transport all the time...

Original poster
reytmardy · 27/05/2019 15:23

He doesn't go anywhere with us. The one hour this morning was exceptional

OP posts:
Springisallaround · 27/05/2019 15:29

I'm the only driver in my family, it's a pain- but guess what, being a mum even though I'm exhausted I just suck it up. Sometimes I do 3 or 4 trips a day! My guess is his thyroid meds aren't quite right.

KellyW88 · 27/05/2019 15:30

I don’t see the OP as being reliant on her DH, I feel that perhaps she just wants some investment from him to do things together as a family? I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

OP have you discussed this issue with your DH? That it makes you feel upset and possibly neglected that all he seems to want to do is “check out” mentally and physically? If it upsets you how it must make your DS feel?

I know you say he’s been assessed and there doesn’t seem to be a medical issue, I’m the low energy one in my family, I get tired very easily especially in situations where I need to be constantly engaged mentally, but I do it anyway because I have DD and DS (twins at 19 months) and just because I’m an antisocial recluse doesn’t mean they should lose out!

newjobnerves · 27/05/2019 15:32

I'm confused, you say you're not reliant on him, but you seem upset that everyone else's kid gets picked up but your son has to get the bus? As you state that. I appreciate it's your DH's lack of interest that is the core issue here, and aside from a medical issue I'm not sure that can be easily fixed, but if you want more freedom driving could be a solution to the more immediate problem.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 27/05/2019 15:34

It might be worth looking into ME / fibromyalgia / CFS. This is what I suffer from, and it means my energy levels are often on the floor. It’s not diagnosable by blood tests, and is often missed.

MillieMoodle · 27/05/2019 15:35

My DH was like this, he'd get in from work and lay on the sofa, I'd do stuff by myself with the DC at the weekend, he had no interest in anything except football. I was reaching breaking point and just about ready to divorce him, when he dropped the bombshell that he wanted to give up work, he hated it and was miserable there.

He's been a SAHD now for nearly two years and it's made a huge difference. Looking back, I think he was probably suffering with depression but neither of us realised. He has so much more enthusiasm for things these days, he's taken DS1 to the cinema this afternoon, he suggests and takes part in days out, he's training to do something he really enjoys. He's still not a bundle of energy but it's a million times better than it was.

Have you spoken to him about why he feels like he does? Also has he been tested for haemochromatosis? My DH doesn't have it but is at risk of it in the future, it can cause tiredness/lethargy.

anothernotherone · 27/05/2019 15:36

Has he always been like this? Before your child was born? Is he interested in anything? Hobbies, friends? Just disengaged from family or really overall disinterested in life?

At 12 your DS won't need ferrying about for much longer as you clearly live somewhere with good public transport, but it sounds as though your DH is living a half life and you might as well be single.

SheeshazAZ09 · 27/05/2019 15:43

In addition to the good suggestions above, look at his diet. It's not possible for some people to feel energetic or happy on a diet of junk food. Get him off sugar and processed food. Ensure he eats fresh organically grown food as much as possible. See what that does.

StinkyHedgehog · 27/05/2019 15:44

He has regular reviews for thyroid meds and isn't depressed (been seen by GP) It's an embedded attitude.

Doctors are notoriously rubbish at caring for those of us with thyroid disease, and I would absolutely say that your DH's disinterest could well be related. They will do basic thyroid tests, tell you that you are fine, but you may well be anything but. He may well have low levels of vitamins/minerals (again, common in thyroid disease) which will produce all sorts of symptoms.

Yes, he may be a lazy arse too, but please don't assume that it isn't health-related.

isthatabloborwhat · 27/05/2019 15:47

It is a classic case of lazybastarditis I'm afraid.

crummyusername · 27/05/2019 15:49

What does he say about it? Does he want to do stuff and gets frustrated he can’t?

Agree you need more medical advice, whether it’s mental or physical. Anaemia been checked for?

crummyusername · 27/05/2019 15:49

Does he work?

LagunaBubbles · 27/05/2019 15:50

The way you’re asking him if you can go places makes it sound like you’re reliant on him?

No it makes it sound as if she actually wants to do things as a family.

Swipe left for the next trending thread