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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my manager wont allow me to come into work 15 mins later

86 replies

Trix11 · 20/07/2007 22:06

than usual and stay 15 mins at the end of the day to enable me to drop my son off at summer school for three weeks.

Unlike school where I can drop my 5 year old son off at 8.30am the summer school wont take the children before 9.00am. I asked my manager if for three weeks I could come in 15 mins later and he said he would 'think' about it - this was on Wednesday, I heard nothing so today jsut before I was due to leave work I asked him if he had thought about (thinking that of course he would accommodate my request) he said yes he given it some thought and no I could not. I then said that I would have to take emergency leave then as my priority has to be my children, he said I can do it on Monday but after that I would have to make alternative arrangements I dont have family that I can call upon thats why I have to use paid childcare.

Am I asking too much here?

OP posts:
LowFatPumpkinJuice · 20/07/2007 22:41

I got told by the union that as priamry childcare provider (parent wise) my employer had to demonstrate understanding whilst I had a child under 6 years old.

ZZMum · 20/07/2007 22:42

Could you ask around some work colleagues to see if they would support you do this? Thnk ifyou could get your mates behind you, your manager might relent?

Original poster
Trix11 · 20/07/2007 22:53

It would be frowned upon if I was to discuss with other managers. Although I did tell another manager in another area who was really shocked that my request was turned down, she shared it with some others to get a feel for what the decision should be and all felt I should have had my request granted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trix11 · 20/07/2007 22:54

Ive just been looking on some websites for advise on paternal leave and it does not apply once the child is passed its 5th bday. So in my case it wont apply.

OP posts:
ZZMum · 20/07/2007 22:58

Sounds like a job for HR to me ... I manage a team of over 100 people and you have to accept that "life" happens to people -- obviously you have to be careful to manage the situation but for only 3 weeks, with the support you have, it does sound like he is being unreasonable..

Original poster
Trix11 · 20/07/2007 23:11

He says that because he granted my 2nd request to start work at 9.15 he should not have to consider / grant this request to start at 9.30 as it send the wrong message to the dept!! Although I have always allowed informal arrangements to be made from time time for all my staff over the years without there being any problems. I know I have the full support of the people in my team not that I have discussed my request and it being turned down but they always give me their support like I always support them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trix11 · 20/07/2007 23:11

Some websites say parent leave is for under fives and some for under sixes so Im not sure what the correct policy is.

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 21/07/2007 08:37

Parental leave is for under fives and you usually have to apply in advance for this and its unpaid.

I dont think your request is out of order but the notice you gave might have got his back up - he probably thought you assumed it was fine.

As ZZmum has pointed out, employees only have the right to ask for flexible working hours and not the right to have them. Employers seem to be getting the raw deal on this, at the end of the day they have a business to run and its not always possible to accomodate requests. I see so many threads moaning about employers over these request and little respect for the employer, who at the end of the day pays your wages.

Can you OH not help out or what about looking for a childminder or other mum that can do the drop off. If you already have an extension to a 9.15 start, cant you drop the younger one off at nursery a little earlier and have time then to get him there for 9?

Original poster
Trix11 · 21/07/2007 09:28

It does not really make sense to do that as the school is two minutes from my house the nursery is fifteen minutes away on my way to work so I would be coming back on myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trix11 · 21/07/2007 12:11

Is the general feeling then that If I gave more notice it may have been sanctioned?

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 21/07/2007 12:31

I don't know, I guess he might be peeved about the lack of notice - did you explain that you had only just found this out?
But tbh if it doesn't matter (in terms of whether it is a customer facing role and none of the other staff really being affected, and you were asking to make up the time at the end of the day) then it really doesn't matter if you did it, and he is being an arse, and if he is being an arse because he is peeved, then there isn't alot you could do - apart from maybe go above his head?

mm22bys · 21/07/2007 12:59

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

You have offered to work extra.

It is only for three weeks.

Where I used to work we could work when we wanted (ie could come in late for drs appointments etc) but if there was work to be done, it was expected that we would get the work done (even if that meant staying till 10pm or whenever).

Bosses / managers need to realise that a little bit of "give and take" goes a long way.

If he granted your request, what's to say you mightn't go beyond your "call of duty" as well?

Original poster
Trix11 · 21/07/2007 14:15

Also, Recently I asked him to give me access (which he approved0 to use my lap top at home in the evening to catch up and emails etc as I am busy and was conscious that I could not stay for longer than 20mins over each evening to get the work done. When I returned from Maternity leave six weeks I was given a team to manage that is historically recognised as being the busiest most complex area in the dept.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trix11 · 21/07/2007 16:30

Can anyone advise on what happens now. I cant get to work on time because I have to drop my child off later and my manger says I cant come in later and work the time at the end of the day.

OP posts:
ZZMum · 21/07/2007 16:39

I would send an email to HR copying your manager stating the facts... technically if your hours are stated in your contract, you are in breach of contract and depending on how arsy manager is, cuold lead to disciplinary... I would state the exact reasons, times and duration of delay you are making time up and have previously demonstrated your commitment etc with evenig work... you need to cover yourself in case boss gets nasty hopefully he won't but I think he could do as he sounds like an inflexible t***!

CarGirl · 21/07/2007 16:45

Do you know anyone else who is going to the summer school who would perhaps drop your child off for you? I do think your manager is purposefully being difficult, it is certainly not the best way to get the most from your employees is it!

Original poster
Trix11 · 21/07/2007 17:14

Thanks ZZmum, I know that I will have to have a meeting with him on Monday, I dont know whether Im worrying too much, but I feel a disciplinary coming my way. He did not like it when I challenged his decision and disagreed with his reason for not allowing it (its not fair on other managers who dont have children).

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Original poster
Trix11 · 21/07/2007 17:17

I do know other people and one has offered but as I literally live round the corner I would have to twenty minutes to drop him off, they are helping me out at the end of the day as the school finishes at 4. I did say to him when I first asked him that it may be a case of me being able to sort something out in the first week depending on who else was using it and what their commitments were.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 21/07/2007 17:22

Hmmm I'd check out your contract carefully etc and logg everything especially if you can find out if other staff (regardless of grade) get more flexible treatment - me thinking you could accuse him of "constructive dismissal" what are you reasonably supposed to do - you find out that your childcare has fallen apart, you tell him immediately, he refuses to be flexible, you get a disciplinary..........

Original poster
Trix11 · 22/07/2007 12:24

Ive spoken to a friend of mine who works for the union. Her thoughts are that I could put in a grievance about him, 1. He should not have discussed it with my peer. 2. If he does consider it and refuse it, on the grounds that its not fair on other mangers who do not have children is not a genuine business reason. 3. It sounds like discrimination against working mothers.

What are you thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Cammelia · 22/07/2007 12:28

Its sex discrimination

alicet · 22/07/2007 12:35

Trix I agree with what your friend says but I do think you should be very very careful about going down the grievance / discimination route as although I think you are right this could make things very very difficult for you in the future.

With regards to your initial question though YANBU - if there is no valid business reason other than its not fair to others (who probably wouldn't give a sh*t as long as you are making up the time) I think 15 minutes will make no difference at all.

Original poster
Trix11 · 22/07/2007 12:40

What should I do then as I just know thats not going to be the end of it. Because I challenged his decision I could see he was furious. He then disappeared out of the office and my guess is he went to HR.

OP posts:
amidaiwish · 22/07/2007 12:54

tbh i would let him give you a disciplinary or whatever he likes
he's being an arse
your best bet is to let it get formal, let HR get involved. that way he will get pulled up by his seniors.

tbh he sounds like he has an issue with you. does he feel threatened by you?

don't be scared about him giving you a disciplinary etc. you haven't done anything wrong. you are a working mum, trying to do your best and he is being totally inflexible. that's not how work works these days. he knows it too. don't let him bully you and don't be afraid of escalating it. he has far more to lose than you!

eleusis · 22/07/2007 12:54

I think this is probably more of a case of the straw that broke the camel's back. As an isolated request 15 minutes seems a very reasonable request. But, I think your boss is probably thing=king "Good grief. She's still not happy. What next?"

The truth is you don't have a right to this, and refusing it does not constitute sexual discrimination.

Can your DH/P (if you have one) take on the drop off on some of these days? If not, I would solicit the help of a local childminder or someone else who can do the drop off.

And I can appreciate that he might think you are setting a standard he does not want set for all of the managers in the office. It seems he has been quite reasonable about past requests. And it'spossible he thinks you are a bit unappreciative.