Who should get up with baby?

[sleepymcsleeperson]

It’s 5.15 and the baby (11 months) is wide awake and ready to party. I’ve tried for 30 mins to get back to sleep. DH is away this evening all week for work and then on a long weekend for a stag do. I do 100% childcare during the week and about 70% at the weekend, but my argument here is I’m about to have a 2 week stretch without a break and he’s going to sleep in a hotel bed alone and go on holiday. His argument is that he is travelling to the US and they are night flights so he will have to sleep on a plane etc too (but he can sleep absolutely anywhere so I think this is fine and doesn’t discount his holiday).

Who should get up with baby? (He has now done so after much grumbling and I of course can now not get back to sleep anyway as it took so long to convince him but would like to discuss with him later as he is annoyed about having to get up and thinks it’s unfair)

Oh No OP. DO NOT BECOME A SAHM. He doesn't value your contribution and this will only get worse. You MUST preserve your financial independence.

ALL WOMAN should but ones married to men like your husband especially.

OP, I get that this probably feels overwhelming. When you first posted you maybe just wanted a rant and perhaps a bit of solidarity. I doubt you were expecting a unanimous (which is frankly rare on AIBU) response that your DH is a useless twat.

I'm sorry if you think your update makes him seem better. It really doesn't. I am not one of those on MN who thinks it's a disaster to be a SAHM (I've already said I'm one) but it's only OK when your partner respects and values your contribution.

He wants credit for changing some nappies on paternity leave. YOU had just given birth and he wants a medal for changing some nappies. Jesus wept.

You may or may not go on to have more children. But if more children is something you want I beg you to just consider this: you're exhausted and undervalued and under supported now. Toddlers can be harder than babies. It is a hugely different ball game being at home with a two or three year old vs a baby. They have tantrums, they have a will of their own, they don't have long naps in the buggy while you enjoy a coffee or whatever. Once they drop their naps you're with them aaaall day, no silence ever for the 12 or so hours they're up. Imagine all this with a toddler, who may still wake in the night, and a new baby. Imagine one or both of them being sick and you doing it all alone because your DH changed a few nappies once and thinks he's already pulled his weight and couldn't give a shit how tired you are.

Wellthatwastricky

You are spot on!!!!!

I told DH, in no uncertain terms, before he left today that I fully intend on having more babies. With someone who pulls their weight! Whether or not that is him is up to him 🤷🏻‍♀️

He laughed off the other things I brought up eg not helping me on holiday etc

This would upset me most of all; that in a serious discussion between a married couple one would laugh off anything the other said like it's laughable that he, a man made of brawn and mahogany, could be expected to actually physically get up and look after his own child! Obviously he won't change because he thinks he's above the grind of raising his own child other than dealing with it's soiled nappies (which, frankly, a monkey could do) but he's an arsehole and the end result will be that resentment will build, build and build til you crumble. Competitive tiredness makes you hate one another more than pretty much anything else on earth.

Parenting isn't always great fun, it's not always wanting to get up with the DC. But it is always acting with kindness towards your partner, even when you're knackered. So when he has chance to show that little extra kindness, when he has chance to show you just how much he treasures you, why the fuck is he not taking that chance, getting up, bringing you a cuppa in bed, kissing you on the noggin and taking the baby downstairs for an hour? That's not the gold standard of Fatherhood; it's the bare minimum you should expect.

Literally go stay at a relatives house and leave him with baby and see how he copes. You are equally responsible for baby. If he gets 5 hours free when do you get 5 hours free? As long as you are getting a girls trip at the end of this?

I think the saddest part in all of this isn't your husband's treatment of you - although that stinks. It's the treatment of his own son. He (apparently) works really long hours, he's going away for a boys' weekend and his son has been in hospital and yet, he doesn't want to spend an hour of one on one time with him? That seems very sad to me.

His job which offers you a lovely life is only possible because you are staying at home looking after HIS child and running the household. So he can fuck off with his manly flexing of financial muscle.

Bar money, what is he adding to your life?

You know he's treating you like a nanny whom he also gets to fuck, right? These billy bigballs city pricks really grind my gears. Becoming a SAHM does NOT mean becoming a member of staff. Changing some nappies for a month means fuck all in the grand scheme of parenting.

I want to cry

My mental health is completely overwhelmed from lack of sleep and trauma of DS’s operation. I am in pieces. I have explained this to DH and he has not even offered to stay home from his stag do this weekend to help me. I just hate him now and I don’t see a way to forgive that.

That’s just appalling. He’s showing you his true colours.

You should tell him to pack ALL his belongings and get the fuck out and never come back. Change the locks on the doors and get a shit hot lawyer