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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Going to festival with no form of contact

62 replies

sirmione16 · 26/05/2019 23:13

My dp went to a festival approx 3 hours away today, realised when he got there he didn't get signal inside. We have a 4 month old baby. He argues it's out of his control and I'm overreacting being upset. I argue that he should've found a place where he got signal, let me know the situation and perhaps an emergency contact number for the venue, and maybe check in once or twice throughout the day. I don't think this is unreasonable, and it upsets me he's just gone "oh well I can't get signal, never fucking mind I'll go get a drink" I haven't heard from him since he arrived at 11am, until he left at 10pm. Not an apology or anything. AIBU? Am I over reacting? How would you feel?

OP posts:

Original poster

sirmione16 · 26/05/2019 23:15

To expand slightly, this is the 5th night he's spent away from home already since the baby arrived, he works 7-6 every day bar one and plays football 3 nights a week after work so doesn't get in until gone 8 . I feel like I'm raising my son alone and he's just popping by for play time some evenings! I think that why this has thrown me over the edge and I feel disregarded, taken for granted and lonely.

OP posts:

Treaclesweet · 26/05/2019 23:18

I think you're overreacting a little, if you said he could go? It would have been nice of him to find signal and let you know but I think the level of check-in you're suggesting is a bit much. Unless there's an additional issue here?
Where we are no phone signal places are quite common so I'm fairly used to it and would expect it in certain areas.

Pipandmum · 26/05/2019 23:19

I think you are totally over reacting. You have got to learn to handle things on your own. Let him have his day.

Treaclesweet · 26/05/2019 23:20

Ah cross post with your expansion. I don't think the phone signal is the issue here!
He's being a dick and needs to cut his hobby time down.

Original poster

sirmione16 · 26/05/2019 23:20

I never really said "he could go" because he's a grown man, I feel I shouldn't give permission or deny permission for anyone even if he is my partner iyswim.. I'd feel bad doing so. I told him it'd be hard for me alone with the baby so much and that he's got a lot of stuff going on plus lots of other festivals and concerts this year already. He made the choice to still go

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MummyofTw0 · 26/05/2019 23:21

Really sorry, but you're being very unreasonable

I appreciate it can be daunting with a new baby. But really do you need him to be at your beck and call? What could you possibly need him for?

If there's an emergency, wouldn't you be able to deal with it yourself?

butterflywings37 · 26/05/2019 23:22

You are overreacting you can't predict where you have signal & where you don't - it's out of people's control!

Original poster

sirmione16 · 26/05/2019 23:22

Ok I've just said to him "what if something had happened to the baby or me or you needed to get back and I couldn't get in touch with you?" And he's saying "I'd have known" and I said how? And he's just saying "i would've known and I would've come back" apparently he's psychic or something now. That's a turnout for the books hey?

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Wheelerdeeler · 26/05/2019 23:22

Your issue isn't today. It's him living the life as if he has no child. 3 nights a week put? Why did he bother to have a child?

Nanny0gg · 26/05/2019 23:23

I think the lack of signal at a festival isn't a problem.

However, leaving you and the baby alone so much certainly is. What do you want to do about it?

Original poster

sirmione16 · 26/05/2019 23:24

@Wheelerdeeler I told him before baby was here that I'd love family evenings and maybe 3 nights a week was too much, he said he'd cut it to two but hasn't as of yet. I mention it sometimes but he shrugs me off

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Mowly75 · 26/05/2019 23:25

I suspect the issue isn’t about this particular day at the festival but more that you are (rightly) peed off that he is enjoying his life just as before the baby arrived, whereas your life is totally different. You want some more support from him. In fact you want him to grow up & get with the programme. It’s a tale old as time.

Original poster

sirmione16 · 26/05/2019 23:25

@MummyofTw0 yes I would, but he's his father and my fiancé - plus I feel somehow I'd be to blame if something bad happened and he didn't know. For example when I was pregnant and went into hospital last minute for monitoring, I rang him when I was there already (on his lunch break) and he was upset with me for not telling him sooner etc

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cuppycakey · 26/05/2019 23:27

YABU about not being contactable at the festival. Nothing he could do about it (if it's true!) and there are all kinds of situations where someone might not be contactable. You need to get a grip.

However - football three nights a week? Total fucking pisstake. You are choosing the wrong battle here OP.

Chickychoccyegg · 26/05/2019 23:27

i think he's selfish, having all that time to himself, he's a parent now, so needs to realise he can't just please himself as much as he likes, hope you've got a few things planned with your friends/make sure you get time to do things you enjoy too.
(yes he should have checked in at some point maybe, but once would've been plenty)

Bambamber · 26/05/2019 23:27

I agree that the issue isn't him having no signal for the day, it's the fact that you feel that you're doing it alone

AuntieStella · 26/05/2019 23:28

Agree.

Not being able to get through when someone is at a festival is somcommon it's normal (if you want organisers details for emergency messages, google them; and if dire emergency ring the police)

I see the issue as the amount of time he has for his own recreation, when you don't seem to be getting any at all. Don't get sidetracked by this event - what needs to be solved is the balance of your regular life.

Original poster

sirmione16 · 26/05/2019 23:28

I know a lot of your comments on here are absolutely right, @Mowly75 I do want him to "grow up".... he doesn't seem to grasp he has a family now it's not just him with a girlfriend/fiancé. It's so different. My life's changed and my priorities and ways of thinking have dramatically changed and he hasn't at all. We never argue, never are hostile and these past couple of weeks we have been and I can't stand it...

well what do you want to do about it?
I don't know. I'm so overwhelmed. I can't talk to family as it'll be like I'm slagging him off, but he doesn't understand what I'm saying.. what do I do?!

OP posts:

PurpleFlower1983 · 26/05/2019 23:29

I think YABU but I understand having my own 14 week old and a husband who is away a lot (mine is at work though). I get irrationally angry at him enjoying his ‘normal life’ too!

EKGEMS · 26/05/2019 23:30

You make it very plain to him-he's an absentee father and makes you feel like a single parent and if his behavior continues you'll make yourself single permanently

Original poster

sirmione16 · 26/05/2019 23:30

@PurpleFlower1983

I get irrationally angry at him enjoying his ‘normal life’ too!

This 1000 times over

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Original poster

sirmione16 · 26/05/2019 23:31

@EKGEMS I'm due to marry him in 55 days.

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cuppycakey · 26/05/2019 23:32

but he doesn't understand what I'm saying..

Don't be ridiculous! Of course he understands when you say "Now we have the baby can you cut you football nights back so I have more support at home?"

He is giving you the brush off because he doesn't give a shit how hard it is for you, so long as he gets to carry on as before. His needs are being met. Yours aren't.

Mowly75 · 26/05/2019 23:34

I also agree it can be maddening when you can’t get hold of DH for some annoying reason of his own making (although YAB slightly U to expect him to check in multiple times imo). My DH has got new smug thing going on about not taking phone out with him. The other day he said he’d be ten minutes then he’d be back to take the baby (I had to go somewhere). He was gone for over an hour when I, incandescent with rage, eventually strapped baby into buggy & stomped off there with her, very inconveniently. We have since had a chat about how it might be useful to be able to get hold of each other if one of us is with the baby.

ineedaholidaynow · 26/05/2019 23:35

What are his good points?

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