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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU boyf and barmaid

67 replies

Nrg2009 · 26/05/2019 18:52

Just been out for lunch. Barmaid came over to bf and said I get off at six, bf said you can come and join us, right when I am sat there. I’ve stropped off home and left him there, he is saying he was being friendly / banter. AIBU

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 26/05/2019 18:53

🙄

Aimily · 26/05/2019 18:55

Did she literally just walk over and say that or was there any other conversation?
If she came over and said that then I think it's a bit rude.
But if she said it during general chat I think stropping off may have been a bit of an overreaction personally...

Original poster
Nrg2009 · 26/05/2019 18:59

She came and brought him a drink he had ordered and said will you be having blah drink tonight (we were in last weekend and had a particular cocktail) he said maybe later and then she said that about finishing at six. He’s is saying I’m totally okay overreacting and he did nothing wrong

OP posts:
Halo84 · 26/05/2019 19:03

You are not being unreasonable. Very cheeky of her to hit in him right in front of you.

Time to drop that place completely.

ScreamingValenta · 26/05/2019 19:05

It's the boyfriend at fault here if anyone is, not the barmaid. She's said she's finishing at six - that's not 'hitting on someone'.

TacoBeIIe · 26/05/2019 19:05

Dump him. He has absolutely no respect for you. If he is doing this in front of you, what's he doing behind your back?

Andylion · 26/05/2019 19:08

It's the boyfriend at fault here if anyone is, not the barmaid. She's said she's finishing at six - that's not 'hitting on someone'.

Of course it is. She's telling him when she is available. It depends on the way he said "later"?

ScreamingValenta · 26/05/2019 19:12

Of course it is. She's telling him when she is available

That's reading an awful lot into the remark! If a barmaid said that to my husband I wouldn't think anything of it at all.

glasshalf · 26/05/2019 19:15

I find it really odd that she would make that comment in front of you?! That's really weird . Why the heck would you tell a customer what time you finish and then why would he invite her over do they know each other? There's more to this!

AriaFitz · 26/05/2019 19:15

Surely the barmaid meant that she couldn’t make him a speciality drink after 6 because that’s when she was finishing. The barmaid wasn’t at fault at all from what I can see!

Newschapter · 26/05/2019 19:16

She was perhaps saying she finished at 6 meaning she wouldn't be available to make the cocktail after that time?

ScreamingValenta · 26/05/2019 19:17

Exactly, AriaFitz.

The boyfriend would have to be very arrogant to take this as a come-on.

LampHat · 26/05/2019 19:22

Not seen or heard the word boyf since Mizz in 1995. Ah, happy days.

But YANBU. Banter my arse.

SusieOwl4 · 26/05/2019 19:26

its the bit where he said the barmaid could join them - which is a bit more than banter.

prettyinpink23x · 26/05/2019 19:28

I don't think your boyfriend was flirting he was joking? By saying 'us' he was including you in the conversation he clearly didn't mean for her to actually join both of you? I would storm off because the barmaid is being too flirtatious not because of your boyfriend messing up.

Aimily · 26/05/2019 19:28

I think AriaFitz makes a pretty good point, if they were talking about a drink he had had last weekend, she was basically saying if you want me to make it you need to order before 6.
His asking her to join you both was probably just friendlyness. Without knowing more facts I'm going to guess they know eachother, either he is/you're both in there regularly or he knows her personally?

Most of the barmaids in my local join some of the regulars when they finish their shift before going home as they've gotten friendly over time.

S1naidSucks · 26/05/2019 19:30

Of course it is. She's telling him when she is available

FFS! Is it really a surprise that women get blamed when they’re sexually attacked by men, when posters read that into a simple comment by a waitress? And as for you, OP, wise up!

Nomorepies · 26/05/2019 19:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Jaxhog · 26/05/2019 19:38

I'd leave him there permanently!

AriaFitz · 26/05/2019 19:40

@nomorepies surely she mentioned it so he’d know she couldn’t make the cocktail she’d made him last weekend after six. He said he might have it later she said she finished at six.

BumbleBeee69 · 26/05/2019 19:41

Clearly they know each other better than you think OP. Flowers

S1naidSucks · 26/05/2019 19:43

why else would she mention it? It’s called making conversation. Service staff are encouraged to chat nicely to people. What was she supposed to say? ‘I’m off at six, but you can fuck off because you have a girlfriend!’

Do you have such a low opinion of some that you view them as some sort of vixen, out to get a man? That’s truly sad and such a misogynistic attitude.

Kingslayer · 26/05/2019 19:43

surely she mentioned it so he’d know she couldn’t make the cocktail she’d made him last weekend after six

Yes of course! 🙄 I'm sure she's the only person in the place who could make that drink

ShesABelter · 26/05/2019 19:44

She clearly meant if he wanted the drink she finishes at 6 so would need to be before that. Fuck sake. She's hardly going to come on to a customer infront of their girlfriend.

Ravenclawclassof84 · 26/05/2019 19:51

It sounds to me as if BF was inviting her to join you both for a drink as a friendly social thing, especially if this barmaid serves you reasonably often if I've understood this? I occasionally got invited for a drink after my shift by couples who were already out drinking during the day when I worked in a pub, usually by regulars. Just a social, courteous invite, nothing funny, unless I badly misread the situation.