Partner planning weekend away soon after birth

[bangbingbong]

Quite honestly not sure if IABU in being annoyed that my DP is currently planning a weekend away with his brother soon after I give birth.

My 2nd, DPs 1st, child due September 15th and he's currently planning a Friday - Monday trip away to Ibiza from the 27th September.

I've made it quite clear how I feel about this. That it's unfair to leave me so soon after I give birth, potentially by C-Section (my 1st was delivered by section and I was in for a week after delivery). He says it's not bad, that I'll have family for support and it's only for a couple of days.

I don't think I'm U at all but I guess I'm just looking for perspective. Would you be okay with this?

Cup final is not comparable- We aren’t saying women can’t cope with a baby for a couple of hrs in the first few weeks alone- but a lads trip is different

I honestly can’t believe this 🙈

I mean...you couldn’t make it up! Tell him you’ll come with them so book you a ticket too...when he responds that you can’t go as you’ll be having a baby. REPEAT IT BACK TO HIM!!!

Urgh what a knob. Obviously not ok.

I said no to my husband going away to a 2 day wedding a couple of weeks after I gave birth.

I had post birth injuries, was totally overwhelmed and did not want to be left alone.

If he had suggested a jaunt to fucking Ibiza, I think I would have punched him.

I'd tell him to crack on. And take his best pulling clothes with him as he will be single and can do what he likes. And fatherhood will be 2 hours on a Sunday afternoon for the foreseeable future.

What a twat.

You're going to have your work cut out with this one OP.

No way. He’s a selfish arsehole to even consider this.

Nope, I wouldn't be happy with this.

My DP had committed to refereeing a tournament in July in France before we got pregnant. Baby is due 7th June.

I assured DP it was fine to go, given he'd already committed before we even knew and it's a huge opportunity for him, and that my mum would be with us if we need support.

But even he said baby could be two weeks late, making him only 2-3 weeks old at the time of the tournament and he wasn't prepared to leave us so soon, especially if we had a c section.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, OP. If it was something pre-planned, I could half understand, but not in these circumstances, and definitely when it means he could miss the birth if baby is late.

YANBU

I would go apeshit.

I'm the sort of woman who doesn't care if DH wants to have a night out / weekend away etc. He went to a bday party just for an hour 2 days after I had DD. However, even to me, who is super laid back about everything this does seem a bit extreme and unfair. Not least because baby may be 10 days late etc.
I think you need to tell him. Why not suggest they have just a night out locally that weekend (assuming all ok with baby) and then do the Ibiza trip a couple of weeks later.

I'm guessing he's going for the closing parties?

He's being really selfish op. I wouldn't be happy at this at all.

I’d have been giving birth then. He needs a head check. His brother is an adult, can feed and dress himself. His baby will be at most days old and completely helpless, you could be injured and struggling. If he wants to be a parent this is a key time to demonstrate priorities.

I'm guessing as you are an equal partnership he'd be perfectly fine with you disappearing for a few nights and leaving him with a baby that is potentially hours if not days old? Even if he was recovering from major abdominal surgery? His selfishness is astounding. Please let him see this. Im sorry OP but I really can't wait to see parenthood smack him hard in the face. He sounds incredibly immature. His newborns life should take priority over his brothers heartbreak. Not that this is actually anything to do with his brother. He just wants a jolly. What a prick

Thank you everyone for all the responses. He's normally the least selfish person I know which is why I'm so utterly confused by his behaviour.

Today, I'm going to talk to him about it and suggest he rearranges the dates to go at a later time when things aren't so up in the air after just giving birth.
I will suggest they plan a night out here where we live, provided baby healthy and everything else is well.

Really appreciate all the responses.

He’s not thinking! Your man-child is going to have to grow up now you have a new baby in the house.
Same as what everyone said! What if the baby is late? What if you have a rough birth? What if Baby needs to stay in hospital for some reason? What if you have a C section? Basically you’ll need him for anleast the time he gets for paternity.
First weeks are a really important bonding time for all of you ...

I have had a trip planned for just over a year now, week away something I've always wanted to do, the trip is 1 week after my partner is due to give birth to our first, it was the first thing I done when we found out the due date, I cancelled the trip.

Your partner is being very selfish

Dont fool yourself. He isnt otherwise great. If he was, this wouldnt even be an issue. Considering it's his first child, what a waste of space just leaving you to care for a tiny baby by yourself esp after a csec.

What kind of person would willingly miss the first few days of their child’s life in favour of a holiday? I’m gobsmacked.

He's being a selfish twat. I wouldn't be at all happy.

I think its hard for men before the baby arrives as nothing physically is changing for them. A lot of men feel very differently once baby is here, but they can't imagine feeling that way before baby is born.

My partner was the same, he said the feelings of love that hit him as our dd was born shocked him, and he said he couldn't imagine being away from her, but before he thought he'd be fine. He struggles now going away for stag weeks and leaving me and our dd (16mo). I on the other hand love the time to myself!