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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner planning weekend away soon after birth

93 replies

bangbingbong · 26/05/2019 18:35

Quite honestly not sure if IABU in being annoyed that my DP is currently planning a weekend away with his brother soon after I give birth.

My 2nd, DPs 1st, child due September 15th and he's currently planning a Friday - Monday trip away to Ibiza from the 27th September.

I've made it quite clear how I feel about this. That it's unfair to leave me so soon after I give birth, potentially by C-Section (my 1st was delivered by section and I was in for a week after delivery). He says it's not bad, that I'll have family for support and it's only for a couple of days.

I don't think I'm U at all but I guess I'm just looking for perspective. Would you be okay with this?

OP posts:
Ploppymoodypants · 26/05/2019 18:54

Wow, you are correct and your DP is I am afraid being a dick.
DD was born in November and DH turned down his best friends 40th birthday trip to London in January because he didn’t want to leave us. And he did it without even telling me as he didn’t want me to feel guilty. (I saw the text message exchange months later when I was texting Feb same friend from DH phone as he was driving).
I know it’s a shame and his brothers 21st. But his first child should trump this and you will need him around. And he should want to be there for you and bonding with baby.

Congratulations on your baby by the way.

MRex · 26/05/2019 18:55

Presumably OP will love the baby, so leaving a vulnerable infant with an incompetent selfish arsehole for a few days might not seem like a great idea.

CarolDanvers · 26/05/2019 18:56

Oh and I also agree that you should leave him with the baby, "just for a couple of days" as soon as he gets back. How hard can it be right?

But no one is ever going to do this. Most women would not be physically or emotionally be able to do it and it wouldn't be the best thing for a tiny new born. Such pointless advice.

IDontDrinkTea · 26/05/2019 18:56

My DH went away when DD was 6 weeks old. I had no issues with it. But then I had a very easy labour and was up walking the dog the next day so it wasn’t an issue. If I’d had a section I’d probably have needed more support and I’d have felt differently

Original poster
bangbingbong · 26/05/2019 18:56

He's otherwise great, I have no complaints with him in any other areas, it's just this act of selfishness that is bothering me.

I'm 25, he's 24. He's been on 2/3 lads trips away since we've been together. I don't have a problem with the actual trip, it's the timing of it.

OP posts:
Cheby · 26/05/2019 18:57

WTAF. Honestly, the fact that he’s genuinely considering it would be enough for me to leave him.

RussianSpamBot · 26/05/2019 18:58

You could be actually giving birth then. This would be a deal breaker for me.

stucknoue · 26/05/2019 18:59

My husband left me with an autistic toddler (ok undiagnosed) and newborn after just 3 weeks overnight, at least it was business, he is being unreasonable or rather immature, does he not get estimated due dates can vary by over a month

eurochick · 26/05/2019 19:00

I think fatherhood is going to be a rude awakening for him.

Constantlurker · 26/05/2019 19:02

What would worry me more than anything is the fact that you're in a relationship with a guy who wants to and thinks its fine to go on a lads weekend to Ibiza the week after his first child's birth. I don't know any man who would do this. What a sad situation. Hopefully he sees the light - you don't deserve that at all.

Purplejay · 26/05/2019 19:02

I don’t think he should go until baby is at least 6 weeks old. With the dates given you could gave just given birth, be getting over c section or even still be pregnant. No way!

SinkGirl · 26/05/2019 19:03

He wouldn’t be going if it were me - if he did, he wouldn’t be coming back to me! Ask him whether he’d be okay with you leaving him with a newborn while you went abroad?

Thatsnotmyotter · 26/05/2019 19:05

Bloody hell. DH cancelled a cycling trip 2 months after DS was born because he realised I needed the support more than he needed a jolly. Two weeks seems like utter madness. I think he might be in for quite a shock when the baby arrives tbh.

AngeloMysterioso · 26/05/2019 19:06

How long have you been together?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 26/05/2019 19:07

Absolutely no way that's acceptable. What kind of person plans to leave their partner while they're in pain, still bleeding, hobbling about, not able to lift, sleep deprived to party for a few days? How can he enjoy himself knowing that you're going through that alone at home? He either has absolutely no idea at all what life is like with a newborn or he doesn't care.

I'd be worried that his attitude means he thinks being off with a newborn is like being home on holiday and will expect you to have done x y and z while looking after a new baby since he seems to think it will be so easy

Original poster
bangbingbong · 26/05/2019 19:08

@AngeloMysterioso we've been together 5 years.

OP posts:
CurcubitaPepo · 26/05/2019 19:08

So if you were 2 weeks late (perfectly feasible) he could be away when you give birth.

Absolutely not ok.

Namastbae · 26/05/2019 19:10

He's ridiculous to even consider it.

Sparkle733 · 26/05/2019 19:10

I would not be okay with this!
How selfish! This is a time you will need him the most..

Original poster
bangbingbong · 26/05/2019 19:11

I'm relieved that's it's not just me that feels it's unacceptable. I was worried hormones were getting the better of me.
He's normally very attentive and can't do enough for me and my DS.

I think his judgment is clouded at the moment in that he feels sorry for his brother as he was originally going away for his birthday with his girlfriend but they recently split up.
Sorry if that's considered a drip feed, I don't feel it is as I don't think it changes the circumstances in any way.

OP posts:
Skyejuly · 26/05/2019 19:12

Not ok and incredibly selfish.

Petalflowers · 26/05/2019 19:14

I’m torn with this, as it’s a 21st.. If the baby comes early, then s/he could be a month old by that date. However, if dc is late, then a couple of days. Can you be flexible and say okay for the former, and not for the latter?

TidyDancer · 26/05/2019 19:16

I think the extra info does change things, but only in so much as it would make me say yes to him going away when the baby was 4+ weeks old (which you of course can't predict in advance anyway).

Can the dates change for the trip? I can understand him wanting to go away with his brother given the circumstances but it's just too soon.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 26/05/2019 19:17

Think that's a pretty unanimous YANBU from everyone. Totally ridiculous that's he's even considering it, think he's in for a shock when the baby comes if he thinks leaving you alone with 2 kids when you've just given birth is fine.

Tell him your going to book a holiday for the weekend after his and see what he thinks of that!

firstimemamma · 26/05/2019 19:17

YANBU. He's being selfish and irresponsible. He needs to learn that when you have a family of your own that they become top priority. Buggering off on holiday and then using the 'other family' thing as a get out card is ridiculous. Does he understand that the baby might be late? Even if the baby wasn't late his behaviour is still awful! I'm so sorry op, hope you manage to talk some sense into him Thanks

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