Would you feel offended?

[Lovelysunshine]

I just want to keep my story short, but hopefully make myself clear enough. My mother (who is a bit narcissistic btw) bought some clothes for my DD when she was a baby, 3 items. She sent them from abroad where she lives. They were cheap and cheap looking (with poor finish and shiny colourful stuff on them) but I thanked her and kept them in our wardrobe.

Now she’s outgrown them and last summer the weather was so hot, she would not have worn them anyway. Last night my mother is asking me online if my DD is still too small for those clothes and I told her she’s outgrown them already and she didn’t get a chance to wear them. She said: oh, that’s a shame.

Now, almost 24 hours later she is writing me an attacking email that she spent one and a half of her pension (a total lie as I know how much she’s paid) and I decided not to use them, she is totally offended and picking a a fight. I am gobsmacked. AIBU?

I think that yanbu Op.

Sure a white lie might have helped, but bloody hell she's an adult & sometimes things don't get used.

As for dressing up & taking pics-people really do that?

Does it not result in being given more of what you don't want?

I never win with her and never know what to expect, it sometimes shocks me what she comes up with, so I decided a long time ago I’ll tell the truth and that’s it
You grew up with this woman and you know her style of interaction.
If you feel that the best way for you to manage her is by telling her the truth because she's going to kick off no matter what you say/do - then that is what you should do despite anyone else's opinion.

Ignore the 'drip feed' gang - they're not happy unless you write a massive long post giving ALL the backstory right at the start - whether your question warrants it or not.
In my opinion - you don't need to give the whole backstory - your mum's reaction was OTT.
Common sense would tell a 'normal' person that babies grow very quickly and out of season/special event clothes won't get much use.
Your mum wouldn't be happy even if you had taken pics etc so i don't think you've said or done anything wrong in this matter.

Like you, i also have narcs in my family and i understand only too well how they manipulate and back you into a corner where you can't do right for doing wrong.
I lived with my sister many moons ago and she was like this.
She came back from holiday with gifts.
She bought a beautiful carved wooden jewellery box for my younger sister - and a too small, misshapen, awful coloured top for me.
You could tell it was a cheap, nasty item -and she knew it wasn't something i'd ever wear.
I could see the sly smile on her face when she gave it to me - she was waiting for me to say something negative so she could lay into me.
I didn't give her that satisfaction, just thanked her and put it away.
That didn't stop her from calling me ungratfeul and taking all her issues out on me though.
She'd keep mentioning that i never wore the top - apparently me telling her that it was a child's size top and doesn't fit a grown woman with boobs was me being 'ungrateful' and 'complaining'.
I never asked nor expected her to bring me a 'gift' and i was polite when she did.

With a narc you are always in the wrong.

@SecretsInSpitalfield and @SavingSpaces2019 yes, only people who’ve dealt with a narc will understand the dynamics of these relationships.

What bothered me in her communication was also the gross lie that she’s paid a pension and a half on the clothes which besides being a complete lie (had the price tags attached) it’s also about money. 50% of her monthly income comes from renting a flat that I bought 10 years ago in my country and since my step dad passed 2 years ago I let her have the income as my sister has no job and her pension is quite low. I wouldn’t mention money if I was her, under no circumstances.

@diddl

‘As for dressing up & taking pics-people really do that?’

Apparently so.

Keeping low contact has been great but then she always finds something to create a drama.

To be honest you sound quite dramatic yourself. You acknowledge you should have been more gracious about her gift. Chalk it up to experience and let it go. Turning it into a massive fight about property you own etc. is not helpful.

@PCohle I didn’t mention my property to her at all, I never do. Let alone turning it into a fight.

I think that's wise. I assumed you were posting about it in such detail on this thread because it was something you had (or were planning to) raised with her.

A simple 'yes she's outgrown them'
would've done the job. I have no idea why you'd say shes never worn them too.
I'd just ignore the email though.