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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To open a "gofundme" page for my son's sporting events?

76 replies

Nothavingfunrightnow · 25/05/2019 14:39

My son is very dedicated to a particular sport. It is highly unlikely he'd be an Olympic champion or anywhere near that level, but he loves taking part. He goes to trading 3 to 5 times a week.

There are two residential training camps in the summer he can attend (he has been specifically invited by his coach to attend one of them) and I would dearly love him to be able to go.

I do not have the funds for it and neither does his father. I could get some of the money for it, but not all. Would it be unreasonable of my to open a gofundme account? Is that being grabby in a world where many, many people have far less than my son and I do?

OP posts:

ThisIsBonIver · 25/05/2019 14:41

I have seen people do this, but have never felt comfortable donating. I suspect most people unless really close are the same.

TheInvestigator · 25/05/2019 14:42

You can open a page for anything you want, but for something like this you won't get donations from strangers so it all depends on whether or not you think your friends and family would want to donate.

Pppppppp1234 · 25/05/2019 14:43

I wouldn’t do it...can you ask relatives? Grandparents etc

Banhaha · 25/05/2019 14:44

Is it the sort of thing your family might help out with as a birthday/xmas present? I wouldn't personally donate unless it was a Birthday/Christmas present for someone.

Pppppppp1234 · 25/05/2019 14:44

Is he of an age where friends and school people would see... and he’d get teased? teens can be cruel

elQuintoConyo · 25/05/2019 14:44

Can you afford one of the residentials? I wouldn't beg for money for both. Or even one, to be honest.

How old is he? Can he wash neighbours' cars for cash, or something?

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/05/2019 14:44

Is that being grabby in a world where many, many people have far less than my son and I do?

Absolutely it is but people put all sorts of mad things on there. Worst that can happen is no one gives you anything.

Take out a loan?

Whoops75 · 25/05/2019 14:45

I wouldn’t donate to this, sorry.

herculepoirot2 · 25/05/2019 14:46

Sorry to sound harsh but it’s glorified begging, isn’t it? I give to charitable causes but this isn’t that.

IvanaPee · 25/05/2019 14:49

I think stuff like this abuses what it’s for. Or what it should be for.

It’s all well and good his coach “specifically inviting him” but what he’s actually saying is: you should do this but you’ll have to pay for it.

How is that any different to you just deciding to send him?

I mean, do it if you want. If I saw it I’d think you were a CF!

gubbsywubbsy · 25/05/2019 14:49

It's begging ... I find it very unsavoury but each to their own ... if I can't afford things we don't have them 🤷‍♀️

CannoninD · 25/05/2019 14:52

I think it’s a family thing I’m afraid. I grew up with basically nothing spare - would worry every time a trip/residential/event was announced.
The issue is that there are SOOO many kids in the same boat and imagine if everyone created a go fund me!

In this modern world we think we SHOULD have access to what we want and I often see/hear parents with little money getting angry/frustrated that they can’t give their kids what they want (why should they be held back from X because we don’t have a lot of money?)

But that’s been the case forever. My mother/grandparents just grew up in a society less ‘aware’ of what everyone else had and it was accepted that if you couldn’t afford something it was nobody’s fault- you just couldn’t do it.

(I recall a family whose 3 DC had ‘never had a holiday’ starting one and getting horrible media backlash for being grabby CF’s- so personally I wouldn’t do it)

TidyDancer · 25/05/2019 14:52

I think you can only really ask family to contribute tbh. Perhaps as part of birthday/Christmas presents. If I saw a gofundme for this I'm afraid I would think of you as grabby, yes, and wouldn't even consider donating.

KatnissMellark · 25/05/2019 14:53

How old is he and how much is the camp? For stuff like this when I was a kid (one of six, very little money), I got a paper round, washed cars and then as I got older got a Saturday job in retail/waitressing. How about asking for birthday money and using that towards it? Also have you spoken to the coach re your difficulty with costs? Often there is a kitty available to help where needed.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 25/05/2019 14:54

No. No and just no!!

CannoninD · 25/05/2019 14:54

^ sorry that was a really long winded way of saying ‘you need to set your DS’s expectations and live within your means- you can’t afforg it then he doesn’t go’ x

steff13 · 25/05/2019 14:54

How old is he? Could he try to raise the money himself? Mowing lawns or weeding, things like that? If a kid came to my door and offered to mow my lawn for, say, $20, I'd let him.

MancaroniCheese · 25/05/2019 14:56

I wouldn't do it myself and nor would I contribute to someone else doing similar.

DD competes at world level but we have to fund it all, I would be too embarrassed to publicly beg for others to do it. DD contributes birthday and Christmas money towards it.

Cariadne · 25/05/2019 14:57

You can open a gofundme for anything and I don’t think that’s grabby - anyone who is moved to donate can, it’s totally up to them. It would obviously be grabby to push your friends and family to donate, but simply creating the option isn’t grabby (though people on MN will say that it is...)

HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 25/05/2019 14:58

Who do you think is going to contribute to a gofundme page? I can't understand why anyone else would want to chip in to your child's activities when they probably all have their own equivalents to pay for. You'd be better asking grandparents etc to give cash for birthdays and Christmas and put it aside for this. And yes to learning to live within your means. You said yourself he's nothing special at it it's just something he enjoys doing a few times a week. Whatever next.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 25/05/2019 14:59

No, it's just begging for a want not a need.

If it was important I'd take a second job or work overtime. I'd not expect anyone else to fund my choices.

TheRealShatParp · 25/05/2019 15:00

I wouldn’t donate. It would just feel like contributing financially to someone’s hobby.

Pugpigprick · 25/05/2019 15:01

You could open a page and put clearly (I'm guessing you'd 'advertise' on FB)

DS has asked that this year's birthday/Christmas present is for his trip to 'x'.

I wouldnt however put 'he trains x time a week' or 'he really wants to go however finances are tight' etc etc. You don't want to look like you're begging.

nc100 · 25/05/2019 15:01

(though people on MN will say that it is...)

Because it bloody is. You can't afford to go then either don't go or work and raise the cash. Can he sell things on eBay? Wash cars, cut grass? Paper round? How old is he OP?

pasturesgreen · 25/05/2019 15:02

As PPs have said, I expect no one outside immediate family would donate to such a fundraiser, but strictly speaking nothing prevents you from setting up a gofundme page and see where it goes 🤷‍♀️

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