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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To open a "gofundme" page for my son's sporting events?

76 replies

Nothavingfunrightnow · 25/05/2019 14:39

My son is very dedicated to a particular sport. It is highly unlikely he'd be an Olympic champion or anywhere near that level, but he loves taking part. He goes to trading 3 to 5 times a week.

There are two residential training camps in the summer he can attend (he has been specifically invited by his coach to attend one of them) and I would dearly love him to be able to go.

I do not have the funds for it and neither does his father. I could get some of the money for it, but not all. Would it be unreasonable of my to open a gofundme account? Is that being grabby in a world where many, many people have far less than my son and I do?

OP posts:
gemma19846 · 25/05/2019 15:22

Sorry but when we decide to have children then the cost of them and their activities is for US to pay for. If you cant afford it then a gofundme isnt the thing to do, i feel like they are for genuine charity fundraisers and get slightly (ok, very) annoyed when i see people asking for money for a family holiday etc. He will have to learn to do without unless family can help out or you find the funds yourself. Maybe get a loan or do overtime at work?

JinglingHellsBells · 25/05/2019 15:25

IMO you would be unreasonable.

I have paid towards cancer treatments for young people but I'd never pay for someone like your son to do what you describe.

You are being greedy and either need to find the money from family, or him doing jobs for people and being paid, or whatever you can do as family to raise the cash.

reluctantbrit · 25/05/2019 15:25

I wouldn’t contribute, I also think it is some kind of begging.

I did contribute to sport events, but it was to support a group participating in a junior world championship, so a bit different to a camp.

Moominfan · 25/05/2019 15:29

Plenty of responses have summed up my thoughts on this.

Original poster
Nothavingfunrightnow · 25/05/2019 15:31

Thank you again for all the input. I do agree, and won't be going ahead with it.

OP posts:
81Byerley · 25/05/2019 15:34

I once went to a fantastic dinner at a big house where they had moved a lot of their downstairs furniture and filled the place with tables and chairs. £10 got you a 3 course meal and a glass of wine, plus a welcome sherry or fruit juice. If you wanted more wine, there was a pot for cash donations. The lady of the house cooked the meal, helped by the teenagers who were trying to raise money for a sailing trip. The youngsters waited on tables, and the parents all provided a dessert. It was a great evening, and most people added to the donation pot at the end in lieu of tips!

JinglingHellsBells · 25/05/2019 15:35

He needs to learn money does not grow on trees or by GoFundMe!

He will get far more out of the course if he earns the money himself, or together as a family you do things to raise money.

If you can't get the money, tough- that's a life lesson too.

Walnutwhipster · 25/05/2019 15:39

I'd not be opposed to him raising the funds through his own efforts e.g. a cake sale, raffle, etc. but wouldn't donate to a fundraising page.

theWarOnPeace · 25/05/2019 15:41

OP - start a new thread asking for good proper fundraising ideas.

Newname12 · 25/05/2019 15:43

Some people I know have done it. But they are all at GB level, with as much as an olympic chance as anyone.

Issue is there is no funding at junior level. So you may get picked for up to 5 Team GB junior comps, and be billed £500-1000 each time. Then there’s GB squad training camps, which are also paid for. You say no, that’s your chance at representing GB gone.

None of it is free, unless you are on the olympic team or very close. But you need to do these junior comps to have a shot at getting funding...

I don’t actually see a problem. It’s no different than when we used to go house to house asking for money for our “sponsored swim” or whatever it was. If people want to donate, they can.

I only donate on those pages to children with illness' that really need the donation

Incredibly sad as it is, the vas majority of these children who’s parents raise money “for treatment abroad” will not need it. The NHS will fund anything of benefit. These treatments abroad are very often last ditch wing and a prayer. I have followed up quite a few and either the child does well with nhs treatment, or sadly is too ill to travel by the time they get to the “better than nothing” point.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/05/2019 15:45

I went to a party at a friends once where her two nephews, 11 & 12, went around pouring drinks for people, taking your empties away, getting you another beer etc all for a donation for a similar fund, they raised a fortune! Great idea I thought, very happy to sit on my fat arse slugging g and ts without having to move!

lastqueenofscotland · 25/05/2019 15:54

I wouldn’t donate I think it’s incredibly crass. I know someone who’s 18 year old is an incredible runner (broken u23 records for some distances, represents GB on a regular basis) and they set up a go fund me page to raise a modest amount to help pay for the never ending kit demands. The aforementioned 18 year old also has a full time job she fits in around the training.
I donated to her as her dedication is incredible, and she is on the cusp of “making it” I’d not donate cause someone’s kid wants what is basically a holiday

Monkeyssplit · 25/05/2019 15:56

A lot of people cannot afford to send their children on a couple of residential training courses over the summer. We couldn't. We would just tell him he couldn't go or he could ask for cash towards it for his birthday and Christmas and go next year. We would not ask others to pay for a luxury lots of people couldn't afford. I think people do though so you may get done donations.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/05/2019 15:56

Newname
That actually isn’t true. An op on here had treatment abroad as it wasn’t nhs funded. I know someone, whose partner would have been confined to a wheelchair and a miserable existence had they not got treatment in Switzerland. The uk team wanted to remove his whole lung - he also has COPD, hence why he would no longer have been able to walk. The Swiss removed the nodes and gave him a course of chemo. He has is doing well been in remission for 18 months.

Ravingstarfish · 25/05/2019 15:57

How old?
Can he work a Saturday job?
Can you speak with the coach, a lot of trips can be subsidised or even done via a payment plan

Original poster
Nothavingfunrightnow · 25/05/2019 15:57

Thanks, theWaronPeace. Good idea. Then I can leave this thread to fizzle out naturally Flowers

OP posts:
stucknoue · 25/05/2019 15:59

I wouldn't, instead you need to ensure your inability to afford is income rather than lifestyle related eg check if you can reduce costs, and if there's a shortfall speak to the coach because he may know of grant making trusts that fund lower income kids. Family and friends in lieu of gifts maybe? Unless it's for a would be Olympian whose parents just died or a similar sob story I doubt anyone would bite anyway - personal fundraising is a crowded market!

Another idea is actually fundraise - my friends son organised a buffet in an Indian restaurant which he sold tickets for (the sort of money you would pay per head for an Indian) but negotiated a good price with the restaurant plus organised a raffle and a few games - he made enough for his trip.

Honeyroar · 25/05/2019 16:01

How about something like a car clean service he could do or even shoe clean? If I saw a go fund me page for a freind's child I'd think it was a bit grabby and probably not contribute, however if I saw a friend's child offering to something to raise the money I'd probably be impressed they were trying to do something and have my car washed for a contribution..

RomanyQueen1 · 25/05/2019 16:02

No reason why not, you may get some organisations to donate.
I'm thinking of doing this when dd goes to college, as she won't be able to work to support herself, and I can't afford to give her money.
People don't have to donate and it's one central place for people to donate.

Original poster
Nothavingfunrightnow · 25/05/2019 16:05

Thank you the fundraising ideas! I really do appreciate it.

My 14 year old is extremely sensible and is well aware that money doesn't grow on trees. He has no grandparents and limited contact with other family members as all my family live abroad. My job does not pay over time, and I already have a second job which I undertake during my holidays. So I was curious about whether gofundme was as crass as it appeared to me to be!

Thank you for the feedback, good wishes and workable ideas. I will do what I can (as will my son do what he can) to make his camps possible. Flowers

OP posts:
crazyasafox · 25/05/2019 16:16

I'm sorry I wouldn't do this, as it seems a bit grabby and cheeky.

It puts me in mind of when I go into supermarkets (sainsburys and morrisons are the worst for this) and they have kids on half the checkouts, offering to pack your bags, and then expect money to be thrown into a bucket. And it's usually for an ice hockey trip to Canada, or a school trip to South Africa. Er no. Plop off. I would like a trip to bleedin' Canada or South Africa!!! Are you going to fund MY trip?Hmm

Up to you @Nothavingfunrightnow - but as a few people have said, you are really expecting people to fund your child's hobby. Buuuut, there is no reason you shouldn't do it. You have nothing to lose.

I do hope you find the funds you need though, and frankly you sound like great parents doing everything you can to keep your son happy, and make his life good. Smile Flowers Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!

KitKat1985 · 25/05/2019 16:25

Pleased you have decided not to do this OP. Could you ask his coach if you could do some sort of payment plan? Or ask family to contribute in lieu of birthday gifts or something?

SpeckofStardust · 25/05/2019 16:32

I honestly think him getting proactive by getting a part-time job or offering lawn-mowing, carwashing services etc to help raise the money and then maybe asking relatives to give money instead of birthday gifts etc is better than a go fund me. People are generally happier to help people whom they see helping themselves.

CloserIAm2Fine · 25/05/2019 16:39

I think it’s only really acceptable for those competing at senior or internationally in underfunded sports where even the highest level athletes have to pay for everything themselves.

For a hobby sport like your son I think you just need to do what you can afford. If you can get family to club together and pay for one of the camps as a birthday/Christmas present then great. Otherwise he can’t go. It’s a shame, but such is life.

OwlBeThere · 25/05/2019 16:44

What about actually doing some kind of fundraiser for it that involves him or you doing something to earn it. That’s better than just asking people to donate