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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you don't let your kid shoot people in the supermarket?

388 replies

DonkeyHohtay · 25/05/2019 11:28

Busy Saturday morning in the supermarket. Boy of about 8 with his Dad. Dad busy filling his basket and behaving perfectly normally.

Boy has a large, black plastic gun. Rifle type rather than a pistol (I'm not a gun expert). Boy is holding gun up to his shoulder, looking down the length of it, pointing it at people and saying "bang bang you're dead". Confused When boy pointed it at me I said - perfectly politely - "Please don't point that at me, I don't like guns".

Father looked at me as if I had grown two heads.

AIBU to think that the supermarket on a busy morning isn't the place for toy guns??

Full disclosure - I'm not a gun fan. Although who is. My kids have in the past had those large "Nerf" type guns which are bright orange and could never be mistaken for a real one. The rules were always that shooting the little foam things at people was not allowed. The had hours of fun in the garden trying to hit a tree or something. This wasn't a gun like that. It was a toy gun, but a black one made to look like the real thing.

AIBU to be a wee bit shocked and think this was completely inappropriate?

OP posts:
jellyjellabi · 27/05/2019 00:08

What about fairy tales? Would it be alarming to see children acting out Hansel and Gretal which is essentially a tale of cannibalism and child abuse? Little red riding hood? Letting children play with themes of violence can be empowering and helps them work through the emotions. It doesn't mean they will turn into cannibals, pirates or hit men. It's the beauty of play. Play isn't just about fun it's a powerful tool for children to process the world around them. It's important to see the perspective of the baddie. To walk in their shoes. Making it taboo only makes it more alluring not less.

I'm not in favour or banning toys any more than I'd ban books. They serve an important purpose and yes they do need the context that a loving parent puts around them.

Personally I would have fake died in the cheese isle or shot back with my hands. I'd have taken it as an invitation to play from a child.

this

Children, especially boys, will make guns out of all sorts - Lego, sticks, and, as some have already said, their own fingers. It’s all part of developmental play. Let them play - better that than sitting in front of a PlayStation shooting people!

Mothership4two · 27/05/2019 05:43

Didnt allow my sons toy guns so they just used sticks to shoot instead!

I might have been irritated if that had happened to me in the supermarket, but not shocked and think I would have forgotten about it 5 minutes later.

Ihatehashtags · 27/05/2019 06:50

Omg you have over reacted massively. I’d think that was hilarious!

Cyberworrier · 27/05/2019 08:15

This thread- there should be a convention for all the adults who are so amused by children pretending to shoot strangers. If you think that’s hilarious, I wonder how much imaginative/funny children playing moments you’ve seen?
Children can be so much more imaginative (not to say aware of not faking violence towards strangers unless they’re 4 or have some kind of developmental delay). Unless their parents have just let them to do whatever they like, wherever they like, which probably ise case. It’s a seriously low bar for humour if that’s hilarious.

Cyberworrier · 27/05/2019 08:19

So much pseudo bollocks child development crap too! Yes, gotta let the children release their inner id at all costs. Who cares if that means they don’t learn to be part of society/respect for others/consideration of the feelings of others.

WhiteDust · 27/05/2019 08:25

YANBU OP. Not wanting to join in with this child's 'game' is not a crime. I hate guns.
Even worse parents who allow their children to take their toy machete out in public. My WTF moment came when a boy (complete stranger) waved his replica knife in the face of my own child on a day out. My DH used his finger to shoot and the little sod so and so ran off snivelling.

LolaSmiles · 27/05/2019 08:38

So much pseudo bollocks child development crap too! Yes, gotta let the children release their inner id at all costs. Who cares if that means they don’t learn to be part of society/respect for others/consideration of the feelings of others.
Grin
See also threads where people decide adults are unreasonable for expecting children to behave in cafes and not run around the place screaming because they're just kids being kids, if you wanted silence then you should go to a library. Hmm

Time and a place for imaginative play, time and a place to involve others in your play.

The middle of a supermarket isn't it. Kids need to learn the world isn't there to entertain them and be their play area.

omione · 27/05/2019 08:54

Many years ago ELC stopped selling toy guns as they thought they were not a good role model for children, i wrote to them to say thanks a lot now my children must think their Father is terrible because they often see him stood Guard on the R.A.F base we live on with an Sa80 Rifle cradled in his arm Not all guns are bad !

omione · 27/05/2019 08:55

P.s None of my adult chhildren have yet shot anyone

daisypond · 27/05/2019 09:01

Pretending to shoot strangers in a supermarket is terrible.

Yorkshirelady · 27/05/2019 09:22

Not concerned about children playing with pretend weapons. However is it appropriate in a supermarket? Probably not. Your response was a bit odd.

munchkincity · 27/05/2019 09:22

YANBU for feeling that way, but I think YWBU for reacting as you did. He's just a kid.

Personally, I hate toy guns and tried to avoid DS having them for as long as poss. There's a time and a place for playing with them though.

My 8yo nephew was upset as I wouldn't let him take his toy machine guns into the country park the other day on a day out (after my DSis had packed him into my car with his own armoury for the day! Thanks Sis!)

woollyheart · 27/05/2019 09:31

I think I would have done the same as you. I would have seized up if someone pointed a gun at me. It wouldn't matter if it looked real or not.

In a situation where you know you are playing and everyone wants to play a game like this it is different. In a supermarket, you are bound to get many people not interested in playing along. The child was lucky to learn that not everyone appreciates being shot from someone as polite as you.

BogglesGoggles · 27/05/2019 09:39

Making play out of killing is crass. My children (both boys) really enjoy having pretend wars etc. But we have been very clear and persistent in trying to explain to them that it is awful, that soldiers/policemen only do it to keep other people safe etc etc. I’m not sure how much has sunk in but we’d never let them ‘shoot at’ people or buy them toy guns. They have little soldiers and books about war in a historical context etc. I appreciate that it’s hard to deal with these kinds on interests in children when they arise but encouraging mindless violence and expecting others to go along with it definitely isn’t adequate.

BogglesGoggles · 27/05/2019 09:42

@omione this child wasn’t playing at being a soldier protecting civilians though was he? This isn’t about all guns being bad. If the boy hand been marching around pretending to be a soldier and ‘guarding’ his dad or something this situation wouldn’t have arisen.

Cyberworrier · 27/05/2019 09:42

Munchkin, the OP said please and explained why she wanted him to stop. How is that harsh? I would say hopefully it will have made the child reflect but unfortunately if the dad is like lots of posters on this thread, he probably told the son not to worry and the child will learn that other people’s feelings don’t matter.
It’s also sad that an adult talking politely to a child who accosts them with a toy gun is deemed by so many to be ‘odd’ or problematic, not the child or their lack of boundaries.
Omione, why is the fact your adult children haven’t shot anyone relevant? Many posters who agree with the OP let their children play with guns. It’s the inappropriate setting and behaviour that most have a problem with.

finah · 27/05/2019 10:04

clearly none of the people who think Op is BU grew up in Belfast during the troubles. Then there was every chance guns were real, and whether toy, replica or real, guns and what they meant were frightening. A child shooting a toy gun at me even now I'm in my later years would bring back horrible memories. OP you are not BU at all

Cyberworrier · 27/05/2019 10:08

Finah, I’d been thinking that too. DH hates seeing guns.

CrazyCatNerd · 27/05/2019 10:23

Not 👏 all 👏 guns 👏 are 👏 for 👏 crime

LolaSmiles · 27/05/2019 10:56

Not👏all👏guns👏are👏for👏crime
It 👏 doesn't 👏 matter 👏. A 👏 supermarket 👏 isn't 👏 the 👏 place 👏 for 👏 play

PotolBabu · 27/05/2019 11:14

Not all knives are used for crime. I use them to chop vegetables, did you know that?

I am not going to allow my sons to take a ‘play knife’ to the supermarket and pretend to stab people. (Or anywhere in fact...).

WhiteDust · 27/05/2019 11:32

True 👏True 👏 TRUE 👏 I 👏 wouldn't 👏 be👏 without 👏 a 👏water 👏 pistol 👏 gets 👏 rid👏 of 👏 cats.

OP, YANBU. Weird thing to allow your child to do in a supermarket.

PolinaPansy · 27/05/2019 11:37

Surely one parent goes and the other stays at home with the kids

But if we all go, we can bring back more bags of shopping! We don't have a car.

PolinaPansy · 27/05/2019 11:41

this child wasn’t playing at being a soldier protecting civilians though was he? It's fine for kids to play the evil baddies. I always liked to be a Death Eater killing everyone at Hogwarts.

LolaSmiles · 27/05/2019 11:44

It's fine for kids to play the evil baddies.
Of course it is, just not in a supermarket.