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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think you don't let your kid shoot people in the supermarket?

388 replies

DonkeyHohtay · 25/05/2019 11:28

Busy Saturday morning in the supermarket. Boy of about 8 with his Dad. Dad busy filling his basket and behaving perfectly normally.

Boy has a large, black plastic gun. Rifle type rather than a pistol (I'm not a gun expert). Boy is holding gun up to his shoulder, looking down the length of it, pointing it at people and saying "bang bang you're dead". Confused When boy pointed it at me I said - perfectly politely - "Please don't point that at me, I don't like guns".

Father looked at me as if I had grown two heads.

AIBU to think that the supermarket on a busy morning isn't the place for toy guns??

Full disclosure - I'm not a gun fan. Although who is. My kids have in the past had those large "Nerf" type guns which are bright orange and could never be mistaken for a real one. The rules were always that shooting the little foam things at people was not allowed. The had hours of fun in the garden trying to hit a tree or something. This wasn't a gun like that. It was a toy gun, but a black one made to look like the real thing.

AIBU to be a wee bit shocked and think this was completely inappropriate?

OP posts:
TigerTooth · 26/05/2019 18:18

Chill out

It’s fine. My kids look forward to frontier land at Blackgang chine every year and all the children spend the whole afternoon banging toy guns - great traditional fun - yes it’s not very PC but sometimes you just need to chill.

Dra1972 · 26/05/2019 18:21

YABU. Get a grip. ffs.

Catsinthecupboard · 26/05/2019 18:27

I hate platitudes but guns don't kill people, people do.

Teaching a person, young or old, to respect people is important. The sanctity of life should be paramount.

Teaching them how to safely handle weapons is more safe than a person without an idea picking up and shooting. Fire arm safety teaches respect and safety.

My family owns guns. My husband's hobby is target shooting.

THE FIRST RULE THEY WERE TAUGHT: NO POINTING AT ANYTHING EXCEPT TARGET.

Nothing is harmed here except clay pigeons. I just realized that while both shoot well enough to be invited to join teams, they never played shooting games when they were little.

They have been shooting since about 9 yo. Always supervised by dh. When they first started, I was also there to supervise. One adult/child. I was taught by my grandfather at the same age.

Guns locked/in safe when not being used. Taken out to go to range, put back upon return.

Truly, the first time they pulled the trigger was terrifying for them. As it should be.

Guns are serious weapons, but they are inanimate objects. People find all ways to kill or maim. Often it's people who haven't had gun training who are most dangerous.

Instead of hating guns, looking at mental illness and societal problems seems a better way of saving lives.

My dd and I bought a trap gun for my ds for gift. While waiting for paper work, an adult pointed a gun at us. I could see the lock in place but to this day, I am angry that I didn't say anything. Or the storekeeper. I moved us behind a shelf but didn't tell him that he was frightening me. Probably bc I thought that was his goal.

Long, long answer. I'm sorry. No. Pointing guns at strangers isn't ok. Having real looking guns out away from home is stupid and dangerous.

But, playing violent video games is worse, to me, than learning proper gun safety in a class with real guns.
Slam away. Flowers

Shockers · 26/05/2019 18:39

If a child without a toy gun pretended to shoot me and told me I was ‘dead’ I’d be a bit Hmm. I think the child’s manners and social boundaries are what’s in question here.

SchoolPanicTime · 26/05/2019 18:41

Oh I thought the kid had actually shot you with a nerf gun (those things can hurt). Pretend shooting I could never be bothered to get upset about.

rosgirl · 26/05/2019 18:42

My son is 11 and has asd, adhd and learning difficulties and absolutely loves toy guns and sticks and pretends to shoot everything, he takes a toy gun everywhere and shoots everything. He knows not to point at people or animals but maybe you may be looking at an invisible disability here. I leave him take his toys because it makes him happy and I don't think he should have to change himself to fit in any "normal" box

LisaD76 · 26/05/2019 18:51

Not nice and I wouldn’t allow it, but worse is the parents who allow their children to have bikes, scooters and heelys in shopping centres and supermarkets, most of the time the kids have no directional control or just don’t look where they are going.

CottonSock · 26/05/2019 18:57

Yanbu. I would have given evil looks at least and probably said something

PolinaPansy · 26/05/2019 19:38

I would have pretended to take a shot to the chest.

Pissoffbranthebroken · 26/05/2019 20:04

Sorry not read the full thread... yet! But YANBU you guns shouldn’t even be a thing anymore and in certain parts of London dependent on how tall that 8 year old was it might have all got a bit crazy

justrestinginmybankaccount · 26/05/2019 20:08

I immediately think of the dad doing whatever possible to get through the supermarket shop with a child. The child has a toy gun. Big deal.

Let them off for gods sake!

MrsBadcrumble123 · 26/05/2019 20:12

Unfortunately there seems to be a majority raising entitled little arseholes! I wouldn’t let my child do this because it’s disrespectful plus (going off on a tangent) why do both parents go to the supermarket with kids in tow?! Surely one parent goes and the other stays at home with the kids - I’m sure some weirdos use it as a family day out Hmm usually badly behaved kids too!

Nearly47 · 26/05/2019 20:29

YANBU. Inappropriate and I am also against imitation guns for kids and don't understand people that love guns. Do they understand they are made to kill people. It's like, look at this great killing machineConfused

manicmij · 26/05/2019 20:34

YWNBU. I absolutely detest children being allowed to play anything in a supermarket other than 'let's be quiet so people don't know we are here' type games.

EleanorOalike · 26/05/2019 20:34

I think it’s very inappropriate, especially in today’s climate, for a child to be allowed to do this. I don’t think there was anything wrong with addressing the child and saying you don’t like guns. The child was being rude and at 8 should know better.

I’ve worked with hundreds of children with SEN and even those fixated on guns, battles and soldiers etc would have been guided by aged 8 that this was not an appropriate way to behave so the invisible disability argument wouldn’t wash with me in this scenario. I dread to think of the meltdown this would have caused if some of the children I’ve worked with had been the ones on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour. The parent should have apologised to you and explained to his son that it’s not respectful or acceptable to pretend to shoot people dead instead of berating you.

EleanorOalike · 26/05/2019 20:40

@madcatladyforever yes re the skateboards etc! Last month I was in a small Tesco Express and there were three mums with 6 kids between them ALL ON SCOOTERS! I was with a relative who struggles with her mobility helping her get some shopping in and the children kept nearly running into her and blocking the aisles preventing a lot of customers getting to the shelves and fridge. It was utter madness. Why couldn’t one of the adults have waited outside with the scooters?

AhhhHereItGoes · 26/05/2019 21:01

No problem with water guns in fact the kids love them. They wouldn't be out in public though with water guns.

I don't really get why you'd want to pretend kill someone either. You don't get miniature serial killer kits. Although pirates have been made coool so who knows.

I think if his Dad is cool with it that's fine - but at their own home. I know a few elderly people who may very well feel distressed by this (as they have declining memory/get confused).

BluebonicPlague · 26/05/2019 21:40

FWIW, reading the thread I don't get the impression the OP was 'upset' or anything more traumatised. She was just questioning whether it was a bit off to let your kid point a pretend gun at strangers in the supermarket.

Yes, I totally agree it was a bit off! You can think it's a bit off without being traumatised, whatever. (Why do people have to be so extreme in their responses?)

It's a bit off because even if guns are toys they aren't. Hell, even back in the 50s when I was little and longed to play with guns it was drummed into me:
"Never, never let your gun
pointed be at anyone"
As a five year old I thought that was rubbish because I really wanted to kill people, or at least pretend to, because they were so awful to me. But, yanno, it's really useful to have some kind of social curb on that.
IMO it's pretty crap parenting not to monitor your child's use of pretend guns.
Eh, or maybe forbid.

CrazyCatNerd · 26/05/2019 21:46

don't understand people that love guns. Do they understand they are made to kill people

Why is it always assumed that guns are solely made to kill people?

Guns are also used to shoot targets. Or hunt animals for food. They're used for games and hobbies. I love guns because I use them for my hobbies. I also love them in computer games. I have never killed anyone. Hope that helps.

Greenfingers1 · 26/05/2019 21:55

What about fairy tales? Would it be alarming to see children acting out Hansel and Gretal which is essentially a tale of cannibalism and child abuse? Little red riding hood? Letting children play with themes of violence can be empowering and helps them work through the emotions. It doesn't mean they will turn into cannibals, pirates or hit men. It's the beauty of play. Play isn't just about fun it's a powerful tool for children to process the world around them. It's important to see the perspective of the baddie. To walk in their shoes. Making it taboo only makes it more alluring not less.

I'm not in favour or banning toys any more than I'd ban books. They serve an important purpose and yes they do need the context that a loving parent puts around them.

Personally I would have fake died in the cheese isle or shot back with my hands. I'd have taken it as an invitation to play from a child.

You didn't and that's fine. You have a right to ask someone not to do something to you that you find upsetting or intimidating. And I'd hope the parent would respect that wish.

butterflywings37 · 26/05/2019 21:59

I agree OP.

Recently I was out with my daughter. She was in her wheelchair and a child about 7-8 came up, pointed a toy gun in her face and 'shot her'. Others may say it is ok, I find this unacceptable and rude and on this instance my daughter was very upset and said she was scared ( also has a LD) and kept asking why the boy did it. Playing with guns with friends is one thing - 'shooting' strangers in my opinion is not right.

AnnieMay100 · 26/05/2019 22:32

Yanbu guns being normalised to children when they should be taught to avoid them - toy or not it’s masking the real thing and can be intimidating I wouldn’t have been happy either op

Backwoodsgirl · 26/05/2019 22:34

don't understand people that love guns. Do they understand they are made to kill people

Guns are a tool, no different to a chainsaw or a axe. We own multiple guns they are all tools that enable us to live the life we do

llangennith · 26/05/2019 22:46

There's a time and a place...
The supermarket is neither the time nor the place to be playing with guns.

butterflywings37 · 26/05/2019 23:20

Guns are a tool, no different to a chainsaw or a axe. We own multiple guns they are all tools that enable us to live the life we do

So are you saying it's acceptable to go up to a stranger with a chainsaw or an axe to pretend to hurt them??