Aibu to throw away my career

[mumofthreehundred]

I currently am employed by a company that I have worked for for 15 years. Trouble is for the last 5 years I've really not enjoyed working there. In fact I dread each day and cry at my desk at least a few times a week. Great benefits and pay is good (in theory). They let me work 4 days a week and that's as part time as I'm allowed. I end up doing hours in evening and starting early each day.

I also have 3 children under four including a set of surprise twins. Although I do get help with childcare (from my mum in law one day a week) I still pay loads (left with 500 quid after childcare). When my son starts school, I'm going to need to add holiday cover and after school and breakfast club. I've worked out that our total outgoings vs income is around £150 left.

I've seen a job advertised that is in a school and term time only that is approx 1/6th of my current salary! It doesn't even hit national insurance thresholds. It's only 10 hours a week!

I did the maths again and because I'd need only a childminder one x1 morning and all of school holidays off. Doing the income verses outgoings, I'd have £110 left each month. I may even qualify for some tax credits to add to that.

Am I missing something here? Yes it's scary on just one salary? I am throwing away a career but it's something I have zero desire to stay in. I'd get to spend more time with kids. Do every school pick off and drop off. I'm starting a career in a sector I'm very interested in.

Cons are; I am missing national insurance payments. What if my husband has issues with his job? What if I got sick and couldn't work? What if I hate my new job?

We have finally come to terms with the fact short of a lottery win, we won't be moving house anytime soon. And I'd rather be happy in life than say "I've got a better garden" or "I've got a spare room".

Other potential issues are: will I find someone to mind children one session a week (term time only)? My notice period is 2 months and the job needs you to start ASAP.

This is just in theory as I've not even been shortlisted yet!

Is there no chance to progress in a school? What about working way up to become a school business manager? Or taking full time job in a bigger school? Getting some qualifications for teaching assistant?

I don't just want this job because it's great hours.

It's a sector that I think I would enjoy.

I like children and think I would be good at working with them. I want to work in a sector that is rewarding. I want to ultimately help people. I want to feel satisfied when I go home. I do expect an element of stress as with all jobs, you get bad days.

I dont have money or time to retrain formally at college or another degree etc. Not right now anyway.

Have you thought about training to be a teacher? With a maths or science degree, you'd likely walk into a school based teacher training course ( with a tax free bursary of £26k). It's incredibly hard work, but so rewarding (and school holidays off)

Hi Re: your childcare if you got the school job. You have mentioned your hubby could do one day and your MIL one day I think. The job is over 3 mornings. Is MIL retired? If so I wonder if she would be willing to do two mornings for you (until 12:30 or 1? ) having done one full day for you in your current job?

If your problem was only about your earnings I would say hang on in there as this will improve as your kids get older but as you are unhappy I think you should try to make a change.

Sadly she's only free one day a week. She is near retirement but not quite yet. She's a great mother in law and would do the 2nd day if she could.

If a friend told you they were vrying at their desk ad it had been like that for a long time, what woud you tell them??

Leave, life is too short. Check out all the entitlements you might get with lower pay, there might not be too bad a sortfall and take a lower pay/hours admin job. Research your options, if you want to teach (secondary) you might be able to get a decent bursay with your science degree whilst doing a PGCE, there are a variety of routes into teaching. This would give you an alternative long term career.

I became a SAHM and "gave up" a great career, it was the right thing for my family at the time, we cut back on some things and lost expenses related to working such as travel costs, lunches, ad hoc coffees, nursery fees, work clothes, endless sponsorships, contributions to gifts etc. and were able to cut down on food bills (more time to cook and plan) and spent less at weekends (no need to try to cram in activities, museum visits, bowling, cinema etc). Everything was so much calmer, I was much happier.

Don't get confused by working in a niche sector. You say your job is high level admin and so that isn't niche which is good as it means you have good transferable skills.

You say you are paid well above average so your problem, in terms of finding another job, might be having to take a drop in pay and move out of the pharma sector.

It may be that you have to take a financial hit in order to find a job that is more enjoyable and less demanding. What about hospital admin roles. Do they offer part time working (I don't mean junior level roles).

I wouldn’t take a 10 hour a week job with 3 kids. I think it leaves everything all very precarious unless you have significant savings to fall back on (if your dh is made redundant, develops a serious illness, etc). I would look for a different job you enjoy that pays better and offers more security, pension, etc.

Sapat... I want that life too

What about working way up to become a school business manager?

Perhaps, but our school business manager has a massively stressful role. Also she's in most holidays, and her hours mean she can't do school drop offs or pick ups.

I've been thinking about it and I think I would quit too. I know what it's like to have a manager you clash with, if you know they're not going anywhere then it can be depressing. Also have experienced going to work after just wrestling your two year olds down to apply suncream and having to pass them crying into the arms of nursery staff and driving away in tears, it's tough mama!
I wouldn't go for the school job though. If I'm working for minimum wage, I want to do something I enjoy. I went to work in a deli/ zero waste shop for a few years whilst my children were small. It was bliss. Listening to 6music all day, talking to people about cheese, eating olives, drinking beer whilst cashing up the till, flirting with hot 25 year olds who came in for sourdough. I was so so happy, also felt like 'me' again after losing myself to nappies, toddler groups and staying in my pj's all day. It gave me my mojo back so I could absolutely boss a new career in a few years. Now I'm in a job I never could have predicted enjoying (working in a male, forensic mental health ward) and get to work school hours. Don't be afraid of change, life is too short! Don't waste your brain though.

Do it. Last year I left my career secondary school teaching (had been doing it over 15yrs) because the hours and lifestyle were making me ill, miserable and I was never seeing my kids. I now work two days a week for a charity on about a third of what I was earning BUT no need for wrap around care now, I get to take my DD1 to school and pick her up, we tweaked our household budget a bit and got rid of a few things we didn’t need (gym membership downgraded, Sky package downgraded, that kind of thing) and I took on two A Level students private tutoring at £40 an hour 4 hrs a week in the evening so DH has the kids. We are now literally less than £50 a month worse off and me and the rest of the family are so much happier. Money isn’t everything. Do it.

If I took a job that pays a bit less I would quite honestly be paying to go to work. That is the problem. Yes it wouldn't be forever but I literally would not make enough to pay bills and childcare. There would be a negative number left at the end of the month. I need to take home probably £1300 in order to make this work... that's for a 4x days a week job. I pay over 800 of that our in childcare (I've taken off the childcare vouchers I get, in reality the nursery bill is over a grand)

How many jobs are there around that allow a take home of 1300 (or 1500 if I don't get childcare vouchers) that are 4 days a week?

Zero that's how many!

You could apply directly to be a business manager. Someone posted on here previously that she just did the short online school business management course and walked straight into a school business management job for around £45k.

Life is too short to be unhappy. I gave up my career to raise my 3 kids and have zero regrets. This only works out if you have a high earning husband with great future career prospects who is eager and willing to support his young family. And you need to have measures put in place to return to a successful and fulfilling career once your children are older. I'm doing my MA part time over the next 2 years while I'm off to make sure I have options down the line if I choose to return to work.

@SajeW23 that sounds incredible!

Not yet rtft, so don't want to feel I am giving the wrong advice, but by your first post, I would say, find an alternative. Sounds utterly miserable if you're dreading it so much and crying at work. Unless you get to the bottom of why.

Also I feel like in these types of threads people forget to look at the situation from the children's perspective. Would they be happier with mum at home more often to take care of them? A less stressed mum. Would they be happier being bounced around between family members and child minders? Is it beneficial having more income coming in or is it better to have more time with their mum. Look at it from their perspective and you have your answer.

Are you in financial services compliance ?
If so it would be very hard to get back in at a later date as all the regs change so quickly.

How many jobs are there around that allow a take home of 1300 (or 1500 if I don't get childcare vouchers) that are 4 days a week?

Teaching. I worked 3 days a week and took home about 1400 a month last year. It's not impossible, it's just you've decided you want to quit and take a part time admin job in a school and you won't hear any other opinion. So why don't you just do it?

I probably wouldn’t because for the massive hit to the pension.

Is there no chance to progress in a school? What about working way up to become a school business manager? Or taking full time job in a bigger school? Getting some qualifications for teaching assistant?

You sound like you just want to go for ‘a job in a school’ rather than are suited to this particular role. Unfortunately you are the same as thousands of others. We had 70 applicants for one part time TA job last week-lots of parents wanting those hours as they are like hen’s teeth. Only those with level 2 or above TA qualifications were even shortlisted. Those interviewed had to briefly teach (I know-not my idea!) a class and do tasks with groups of children. The person who got it had a level 4 qualification and lots of experience.

The office job we advertised for previously was similar-so very competitive and the calibration of applicants was staggering. The person who got it had an accountancy degree and years of experience, though only some in a school.

In what capacity have you been volunteering in a school? Obviously hearing readers or helping with painting wouldn’t be any use if you are applying for an admin job! What exactly is the role-is it attendance officer? Bursar? Business manager?

Sorry to sound negative but it’s best to be fully aware of the situation and knowing that just because you have a degree, you may just not have what they want. They want someone who can ‘hit the ground running’ so to speak, not someone who likes kids and ‘wants term time hours’ and doesn’t mind whether it’s in the office or classroom.

You are being underpaid. The stress of this job should pay a lot more. The idea about on-the-job teacher training is a good one - you get a bursary but still need childcare.

How many jobs are there around that allow a take home of 1300 (or 1500 if I don't get childcare vouchers) that are 4 days a week

Teaching. I work 3 days a week at take home £1500 a month. No childcare costs during the school holidays but would be significant ones before and after school because of the long days (in by 7.30 and leave at 6).

Your choice isn’t between what you do now, and a part time job in an office-there are other options!

I know loads of women who do exactly what you are considering, for the same reason as you. Our local schools are packed with TAs who are really accountants and lawyers but just can't hack the hours when their DC are so young.

Why are you footing the whole childcare bill from your salary? I knwo it's all shared money in the end, but psychologically, it's so demoralising to have it all gobbled up by childcare. If DH paid half and also argued for a four day week so you only needed to find cover for 3 days (one by MiL?) would you feel better?

could you go for the interviews etc.they are sort after so you dont know youll get it yet.s you might not get it,but would that leave you enough time to sort things if you did.
mentally if this job isnt helping you and even bringing you down to the point you mentioned then i think you still need to be looking elsewhere anyway.you will reach the wall and fall in your current state hun.

I'd look in the charity sector as there are lots of term time only part time jobs in a variety of different roles. My friend is an accountant for a charity working 30 hours a week term time only. Be creative in your job search & remember school breakfast & afterschool clubs are subsidised. So they sometimes work out cheaper than using a childminder.

Can't link to website atm but check out ten2two which is a flexible recruitment agency.