To fantasize about sending my eight year old to boarding school

[hibbledibble]

I think I am.

She is so difficult to manage. She behaves like a teenager. Constant attitude: answering back, saying mean things to me and her siblings, disobedience, shouting. She also behaves like a toddler: throwing tantrums rolling about the floor screaming, kicking doors, throwing toys.

I find it really difficult to manage, and absolutely exhausting. Camhs have refused help as she doesn't meet the threshold as well behaved at school (sort of).

I feel like most of the anger is directed at me.

I feel like she would love boarding school as it would provide the stimulation she needs (she is extremely clever and extroverted, very easily bored), and give me peace. She is only 8 though.

Blaming the parents is at least a cheap solution and absolves all the other agencies of any responsibility. If the parenting really was bad enough to cause these behavioural issues it would point towards a neglectful or emotional abusive home life and the family should be getting intensive support. If the parent is just a normal, sensible, loving parent trying their best and they're still seeing these issues there will be some other cause.

Dana I'm not sure if you are being deliberately obtuse, or simply trolling. Parenting the same does not mean I have treated the same.

I was looking for some helpful suggestions here. Today I have been kicked, tripped deliberately, called names. It's really tough.

If you want us to be able to suggest ways of helping, I feel we need a lot more information. How long has she been acting up? You don't mention a partner. Where is her dad? What is their relationship like.
What happened immediately before she kicked you today for example.
She sounds an unhappy little girl and sending her away, especially without resolving what the problem is doesn't sound like a trait of an amazing parent tbh

Yet more of the 'you're a shit parent'. My op said 'fantasise'. I am not planning to.

It's not just me who is suffering, but also her siblings. Her behaviour has always been difficult.

Aprillygirl I think you have posted one of the meanest and bitchiest comment I've ever read on here! You think you're a perfect parent and have all the answers? I don't know if you realize how damn hard it is to have a child with emotional or developmental issues. Maybe one day you'll have a child who challenges your coping strategies like the OP does. In a way I pity you for your ignorance and lack of compassion

@hibbledibble she sounds very bright but perhaps as though "twice-exceptional" ("2E") may be a good description here. If you as her parent suspect ADHD there's likely something there, parents are usually the best judge. It might be something else in the same territory of executive function issues, including just immature executive functioning, which matures late in kids of very high IQ apparently.

I'd say perhaps try for a private assessment by an educational psychologist who specializes in giftedness. This will give you highly specific info on what bits of mental processing she is good at, average at, or terrible at. It will pick up ADHD if she has it, and is likely to be able to say if she doesn't have it. It can form the basis of specific accommodations at school, which might mean she spends less of the school day holding it in like a shaking Coke bottle with the lid on, and less of time at home exploding. It could also form the basis of specific parenting tips for home.

Fantasizing about boarding school aside, is there any scope for sending her to a different (day) school that might suit her better? Ed Psych assessments saying "highly gifted in verbal reasoning" or whatever can be helpful with scholarship applications...