To be worried about leaving a poo in a bin?

[SpectacularlyEmbarrassed]

NC for this one, for reasons that will become clear.

I stayed with DP last night (we don't live together, as we both have DC and also like to retreat to our own space). He has a small house and just one loo (as do I, FWIW, which is not much - just for context).

During the night he came down with food poisoning (? Assume so). He was up all night with D&V.

I thought I had escaped, but early morning was gripped by a sudden and violent need to poo. Then and there. However, DP was locked in the bathroom, throwing up.

I had a few minutes to ponder this one, but the short version is that I went downstairs, did the poo in an old towel and wrapped it in several Sainsbury's bags. I then crept out and stuck the well-wrapped poo in a council litter bin at the side of the house.

I can just about live with this. But I'm now in a state of horrendous anxiety in case I was caught on the council's CCTV leaving a bagged-up poo in one of their bins. I have visions of being arrested. I did wrap it up very well so no poor bin person would have been confronted with the evidence, but the bins have notices on them about not depositing household waste. AIBU to worry about being arrested for poo-depositing?

I didn't confess to DP, as he would have been so very shocked. I'm shocked myself, but I don't see that I had any alternative.

OP it's not a big deal, everyone finds themselves caught short occasionally and has an emergency poo related dilemma.

We once went to a beautiful seaside resort and I shat on a golf course in a similar emergency, while DH strode off with the DC and pretended nothing had happened. Obviously neither of us has ever mentioned it since, but it was either that or in my pants.

I do think that if we were ever to divorce he'd mention it in the "unreasonable behaviour" section like ammunition.

Oh dear, these are very funny. Love the unreasonable behaviour idea, Fudge. BeAndQueue 🤣🌿

Yourostar, yes, he's 50 and has a DS (now at university), so he must be no stranger to poonami type scenarios. But he is just, as you say, buttoned up. I can accept that, though, as it's just part of who he is, and I knew that before we got together.

I used to live on a boat. Just after I’d had DS exDP got Noro- horrifying with a baby on board- and I was still at the “ouchie poo phase”- so shitting infrequently and painfully.
ExDP on loo, I’m seized by the urge to go, but can’t go to our on board toilet. I can’t go through the back of the boat to the moorings toilets because to do that is have to pass through Noro Zone with a newborn, and I have no alternate option.

So I shat in a biscuit tin, weighted it with coal so it sank, electrical taped the between the lid and the tin, and threw it in the canal from the front of the boat.
It sank and I felt guilty, but this was central London canal and a dead body was pulled out just down from us a few nights after, so in the grand scheme of pollution....

I’ve never told anyone that. Not even my therapist. But it was an absolute life low.

Dog poo is worse and people leave that in council bins all the time. A bit of human poo should be fine.
When our council decided to save money by removing all the dog-poo bins, they said that dog poo is not hazardous waste, and can be put in the ordinary bins

This is hilarious. You’ll be safe op, they won’t check what’s in there!

So I shat in a biscuit tin, weighted it with coal so it sank, electrical taped the between the lid and the tin, and threw it in the canal from the front of the boat.

This is the best line I've ever read on Mumsnet, hands down.

Thanks for your reports. Some of you, quite understandably, wondered if OP is a poo troll. If she is, she's been playing a very long game as she's been around the site for years and years.

As you were.

Couldn’t get past justathinslice’s ‘dude’ entry - funniest thing I’ve read in a long time! Op you are ace - thinking on your feet stealth poo fashion. Pls don’t worry.

Won’t he notice the towel and pillow case are missing?

So I shat in a biscuit tin

This has me cracking up

@TheSheepofWallStreet, you take the biscuit (as it were) 😂😂

Thank you for confirming that I am not a poo troll, @YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet

@LarryGreysonsDoor No, he has acres of them and they were all just quietly drying. He won't miss them. And if he did, I'd just say I'd borrowed them.

I saw him today, and he didn't give me any kind of funny look. So I am hoping I might have got away with it (though won't stop worrying completely for a good while yet).

And thank you, @shitholiday2018 🙂

OP - you poor thing !!! Stop worrying - you’ve got nothing whatsoever to worry about.

Breaking news : woman puts bag in bin.

Not really click bait!!!

Very soon this cringe will pass xx

Puzzled, I love the brick story

In that case you'd have doubtless liked it when the "refurb" moved onto her slum of a kitchen, @SpectacularlyEmbarrassed. Afterwards, when the next lot of guests risked one of her breakfasts, she couldn't understand why her cooker (an ancient type with legs) seemed lower than before

It tuned out her very cheap cowboy builders had put a new concrete screed and finishing layer on the floor without moving the cooker, turning it into a permanent fixture

They don't make Blackpool landladies like that any more ...

Breaking news : woman puts bag in bin. Not really click bait!!!

PMSL, @bbcessex

And at your story, Puzzled. Glad the breakfast didn't feature a poo, though.

Shit happens OP! I once felt ill at work and on the drive home had to stop in a car park and vomit violently into a carrier bag (thank got for bags for life, a free one wouldn’t have been able to take it). I double bagged, put it in the car park bin and managed to drive home. I hope no one saw me. It what can you do 🤷🏻‍♀️