Regarding work from home partner?

[fridayeve]

My partner has his own business that has grown quite successful over the past few months, he works solely from home (meets up with clients face to face rarely) and delivers all his services from his laptop/phone. Earns between 3-5k per month atm & has no employees.

Here's the problem: he literally NEVER stops talking about work, 24/7 all he wants to tell me about is what he's doing/clients etc and whilst I love that he's doing so well I sometimes just want a break from work talk! I've suggested before to him 'oh can we talk about something other than work right now?' And he gets moody and says I don't appreciate what he does and it pays all the bills etc. So then to make him happy again I ask him about work.

All the talks we do have that don't start out about work will always end in work, he manages to creep it in somewhere!

Its hard to even get him to want to go out at the weekend, even just for an evening to the cinema or for dinner as he says 'oh I could be working right now' or turns the subject onto work whilst we're out

I'm fucking exhausted, I'm ill today and all I've done is tidy up our home, he went out with the dog for 3hrs this afternoon (and managed to combine with with work calls) and I had 3hrs peace at home to have a sleep, just woke up as he got in and he's been in and out the bedroom asking me questions about his work and telling me about it. I'm just 'mming' and 'yeah-ing' as a reply at this point as I'm fucking tired but he doesn't get the hint.

For the record I'm currently studying at uni and he NEVER wants to hear about that, never asks me questions, always diverts the convo when I bring it up (which is rare!).

AIBU to not want to talk about work 24/7? He literally works from 9am-2am every day and wakes me up at night coming to bed, it's hard to even entice him to bed early for sex at this point!!

YANBU to not want to talk about work all of the time however I assume he's supporting you and you're quite happy with his income in which case YAB a bit U 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Todaythiscouldbe I see your point, he's actually very happy being the 'big earner' I do have a part time job and I'm studying psychology so it's not exactly easy work! But it will lead to a great career when I graduate.

It's literally 24/7 work, he never wants to hear about what I'm doing.

Your problem isn’t that he works from home, it’s that he’s talking about nothing else. I’d be tempted to tell him how boring he’s become!

I'm studying psychology so it's not exactly easy work! But it will lead to a great career when I graduate.

Am intrigued! What’s the career? Masters/Doctorate then EP?

@fedup21 I must admit I have had a few outbursts and told him it's all he speaks about but it doesn't seem to have triggered a change in him.

He literally doesn't care for anything but work, his brother and dad invited him out to a swanky golf course for the day last week (he used to love golf) and he turned it down as 'it's 6 hours I could be working'.

@fedup21 Yes I'm thinking continuing on with study after my under grad, end goal is psychiatry (preferably within a hospital or prison setting).

He went to uni years ago and ended up hating his degree, it's completely irrelevant to what he does now. There is an age gap between us (I'm early twenties & he's early thirties). He does often say uni is useless, maybe that's why he never asks about what I'm doing?

Psychiatry? I might be wrong but I thought you needed to study medicine and then specialise after graduation. Psychology and psychiatry aren't really the same thing AFAIK

@UhOhSpagettiOs I feel like an idiot now😂😂 I assumed you could do psychiatry from a psychology degree? I've just finished my first year and I'm doing a degree that won't even get me into my end goal career 😂😂

Maybe a psychologist then?

@UhOhSpagettiOs I've just googled it and it looks like you're right!

Christ I really am not that bright.

fridayeve that's a joke right?

I wonder if he is feeling a bit insecure/threatened by your career plans so is overcompensating by taking about his successful work.
I guess it is hard to discuss the issue if he gets upset when you say you don't want to talk about work all the time.
His obsession with work actually sounds rather unhealthy.

Psychology doesn’t usually lead to a psychiatry career OP, do you have a plan in place for it to happen?

He’s being very selfish on the face of it, and extremely pig headed.....but is that because the business is new? X

This is really common when people work from home- my H is the same (and he doesn’t support me so no conflict there) and so is my dad. They get lonely I think, and dont have any co workers but it’s honestly so draining. It’s ALL my DH talks about (his industry) and when family and friends visit he talks on and on and on about it. He’s not having a conversation, he’s just talking “at” is, really fast, trying to get it all out whilst he has an audience.

I’m sorry, I don’t have an answer. Im
About to have a baby and don’t know how we’ll cope in the same house for mat leave. Just wanted to say I totally get it

@likeridingabike apparently not😅 I feel like an idiot now, good job I'm still interested in psychology. I literally said at my uni interview that I was interested in psychiatry, why didn't they say anything?!

@EducatingArti he's not one for jealously really so I'm not convinced he could be worried, it definitely is unhealthy- he goes to sleep at 2am and wakes up at 7! He's exhausted.

He definitely has drive I'll give him that.

Also I think people are being unkind. £3-5k isn’t a huge amount, he needs to pay his tax, NI and maybe expenses out of that and there is very chance OP will out earn him. This is just the situation at a point in time. I’m not trying to belittle what he’s achieved OP but don’t forget he’s given up all the security, sick pay, DIS, annual leave, pension etc and he needs to earn a lot more than a salaried job to make up for that

Do we really need to nitpick on the op's career aspirations? The question has nothing to do with that....sounds a little petty and unecessary

@Passthecherrycoke Good luck for baby! Wishing you a healthy delivery

Oh man that sounds like a nightmare, he's okay when we're with other people, he'll bring it up every now and then but not constantly iyswim?

I'm dreading when we TTC in a few years as I'm going stir crazy at home most of the time, let alone being off on leave for ages!

@brummiesue Thank you it's clear I am incompetent at this point

I feel like an idiot now😂😂 I assumed you could do psychiatry from a psychology degree? I've just finished my first year and I'm doing a degree that won't even get me into my end goal career

@ you doing this degree assuming you’ll land a great career in psychiatry at the end of it! Sorry.

Educational psychologists can earn good money and we are crying out for them, but... it’s extremely hard to get onto and you’ll need a 2.1 or 1st, and then a doctorate which is 3 years and bloody hard work! Expensive as well, if you’re not funded.

I think your problem is that he always wants to talk about himself and doesn't care or listen when you mention what you're up to? That sounds unbalanced.

He does sound a bit self absorbed and a workaholic... but has he always been this way? maybe he's just proud of his achievements and it will settle down. I work from home freelancing and I'm trying to build up clients and I'd be pretty fucking chuffed if I was earning what he was.

Also I'm no expert but isn't psychiatry a specialism of medicine?

the question has nothing to do with that

Still, I would imagine the OP is quite glad she’s found that out now!

@Passthecherrycoke you're right, I've asked him before about pension (he's not saving anything atm) and he seems to think he'll have millions in the bank and retire by 50 at the moment, which is a great aspiration, don't get me wrong, but he follows a lot of very rich entrepreneurs and seems to think that's the norm.

I buy our food each month & pay for the dog but he currently pays over £2k a month ALONE in credit card and loan debt.

@fedup21 it's okay it is pretty funny, good job I have a backup plan!

@EncroachingLoaf It's definitely unbalanced, I'm sometimes tempted to hide his phone when we have a rare date night as otherwise he gets calls from clients.

He only really asks about my studying when I make it clear I'm mad at him.

I've been with him for 2 years and it was never this bad in the beginning, he was working from home then too but employed by someone doing something else, it's only since last summer that he's been focusing on building his business and that's when it got almost like an obsession?