Regarding work from home partner?

[fridayeve]

My partner has his own business that has grown quite successful over the past few months, he works solely from home (meets up with clients face to face rarely) and delivers all his services from his laptop/phone. Earns between 3-5k per month atm & has no employees.

Here's the problem: he literally NEVER stops talking about work, 24/7 all he wants to tell me about is what he's doing/clients etc and whilst I love that he's doing so well I sometimes just want a break from work talk! I've suggested before to him 'oh can we talk about something other than work right now?' And he gets moody and says I don't appreciate what he does and it pays all the bills etc. So then to make him happy again I ask him about work.

All the talks we do have that don't start out about work will always end in work, he manages to creep it in somewhere!

Its hard to even get him to want to go out at the weekend, even just for an evening to the cinema or for dinner as he says 'oh I could be working right now' or turns the subject onto work whilst we're out

I'm fucking exhausted, I'm ill today and all I've done is tidy up our home, he went out with the dog for 3hrs this afternoon (and managed to combine with with work calls) and I had 3hrs peace at home to have a sleep, just woke up as he got in and he's been in and out the bedroom asking me questions about his work and telling me about it. I'm just 'mming' and 'yeah-ing' as a reply at this point as I'm fucking tired but he doesn't get the hint.

For the record I'm currently studying at uni and he NEVER wants to hear about that, never asks me questions, always diverts the convo when I bring it up (which is rare!).

AIBU to not want to talk about work 24/7? He literally works from 9am-2am every day and wakes me up at night coming to bed, it's hard to even entice him to bed early for sex at this point!!

Some psychologists do work in mental health teams. IME psychiatrists are more about prescribing meds.

Yeah Friday that’s common with the self employed too 🤣 we’ve been looking to move a house twice as expensive as ours for 5 years now 😭 we’ve not progressed in our financial lives in that time in any way so it’s never going to happen. Dreamland!

There are great well paid careers in corporate psychology an EP is not the only route from a psychology degree.

When I say we’ve been looking- he’s been looking, and when he’s not talking about work this is the only other thing he talks about I actually find it extremely unstimulating and boring. I’m very senior in my organisation and make far more strategic decisions than he could ever hope for but my role is of no interest at all to him

@Passthecherrycoke oh no!!😂 we are still renting at the moment but he doesn't want to move (even though we need more space!) until we can afford somewhere that costs literally millions 😫

I can say from experience that it's kind of exhilarating when your business takes off, and I totally get that "I could be earning money if I was working right now" feeling when you're in high demand. So I can at least see where he's coming from. He's happy at how successful he's been.

But if you've had a calm and serious chat with him about how it's affecting your relationship and he's STILL unwilling to change, then I don't know what else you can do.

Maybe use some of your psychiatry skills to get him to see the issue himself ;)

sorry to go off on the career subject too but do you know that psychology is one of the most popular undergrad subjects in the country so there's far more psyc grads than there are jobs in the field? A tiny percentage get onto sponsored clinical psychology training and for most of the other jobs in the field you will be paying thousands more to get trained at postgrad level and work for free in placements.

Meanwhile, he sounds like a workaholic and you need to decide if you want that for your future or not. Hence it is good to realistically review your career prospects if you decide this life is not for you.

Maybe you should get a job so you don't have to listen to him going on about himself all the time.

DH runs his own business, and he eats sleeps and breathes it. It drives me mad, especially as I now help out there too so he just carries on the work talk at home.

Now I just raise my hand and say "I'm your wife right now, not your PA" and it does seem to stop it. For a few minutes, anyway

If you find the answer, OP, please let me know

Me and DH are both self employed so I get the craziness and intensity that sometimes surrounds that but it's not fair if he doesn't show any interest in you or what you're doing.

DH sometimes has to take client calls out of hours but we could really lose out if he didn't and he's supportive and interested in what I'm up to as well.

Is he dismissive and unintetested in you and what you have to say in general? I hope not but if so I think your problem may go beyond work.

itscallednickingbentcoppers It doesn’t matter, he’ll do it evenings and weekends. She can’t just avoid any conversation with him 🤣

Sorry to say this OP but he sounds like a bit of a pratt.

All this talk of buying £million houses and retiring at 50. Having no conversation other than himself and his work. And where did all this huge debt come from?

Is this really what you had in mind for a life partner?

@romeoonthebalcony Yet there's a huge shortage of mental health professionals within the NHS, there are at least 8 clinical psychologist jobs in my town right now.

@itscallednickingbentcoppers I study pretty much full time and also work part time, thanks :)

@PeoniesarePink maybe we should start a support group?

@EncroachingLoaf Not in general no, otherwise that would be a red flag, he definitely treats me as his equal and isn't dismissive in that sense but I think it's a case of a job turning into an obsession.

The bottleneck is in the training to become a clinical psychologist, same as in medicine. There are heaps of people who have psychology degrees, it's hard to get on the clinical training route (but entirely possible so go for it) then a shortage of professionals at the other end, partly because it's incredibly stressful/women often go part-time/lack of investment in services esp in last few years for political reasons.

I am not currently in the practitioner field, there's lots of options though for psychology, there's many many different paths you can follow, or just use it as a generic degree to get into other non-psych related fields.

@cuppycakey The debt came from when he was in his early twenties & his BIL took advantage of him (he was living with his sister and BIL at the time as he'd just left uni) and his BIL guilt tripped him into taking out a 10k loan to help his business as he was living at their house for free. My partner paid back over £14k on the loan but hasn't cleared it yet.

Otherwise he's really good with money, doesn't buy extravagant things, only really buys things at Christmas & birthdays (which is fine!)

1. he is being very selfish. You have made it clear that you are bored by the endless conversation about work

2. he needs to get a hobby or he will become very one dimensional

3. be more assertive. ‘No I am not talking about this again, this is a work free night’

Self employed or not continuing to take so little interest in your life, aspirations and work will damage your relationship

Like @Passthecherrycoke I also totally get it. DP works from home and never talks about anything other than work. It's exhausting.

OP, I think you need to try to gently wean your DH out of the habit. Come up with a plan!

He sounds self obsessed.....and totally not interested in your life.
He probably thinks you'll be pregnant and housebound soon enough 'anyway' and won't be using your degree so doesn't see any value in what you study/do.

For the record I'm currently studying at uni and he NEVER wants to hear about that, never asks me questions, always diverts the convo when I bring it up (which is rare!)
Instead of pacifying him, why don't you just tell him straight that you're bored talking about his work all the time and you're pissed off that he doesn't give a shit about yours?

Well that's good OP. Hopefully he's just got a bit obsessed with the business then and he'll come back to reality. The swanky houses/early retirement talk does sound a bit tiresome though.

I think you said you've told him how you feel about him not showing any interest in what you're doing. If he's not taking that on board that's shitty of him. I'd probably show no interest in what he's doing in response.

@SavingSpaces2019 I hate arguments 😩 he actually isn't keen on kids so definitely doesn't count on me being a housewife, he has however agreed to one child I think he'd make an amazing dad.

he has however agreed to one child

Big of him.

The more you post about him the more awful he sounds.....

How is he going to make an amazing dad when all he does is work obsessively?

@fridayeve - as Spring said, there may be jobs advertised, but the numbers being trained are low, there is about a 15% success rate for applications - see this page
www.leeds.ac.uk/chpccp/numbers2018.html

As Spring says too, there are of course a lot of things you can do with the degree, but, I mean this nicely, you don't seem to have a clue about the career paths, so it would be a good move to find out more so you can structure any work experience according to what you want to go on and do with it. Most other applied psychologists have to pay out thousands to train up to applied level.

You could use the degree to go into other NHS mental health work like PWP or mental health nursing training but these jobs are very tough too on the mind and body because of the short staffing and big targets to meet.

Lots of corporates do like psyc degrees, the market research field is one for instance.

Also I wouldn't be so keen on having kids with someone who 'isn't keen on kids'. I'd be worried if he's planning to lift a finger to look after them. Or when you're struggling and need a break that he'll be reminding you that you're the one who wanted them...