Regarding work from home partner?

[fridayeve]

My partner has his own business that has grown quite successful over the past few months, he works solely from home (meets up with clients face to face rarely) and delivers all his services from his laptop/phone. Earns between 3-5k per month atm & has no employees.

Here's the problem: he literally NEVER stops talking about work, 24/7 all he wants to tell me about is what he's doing/clients etc and whilst I love that he's doing so well I sometimes just want a break from work talk! I've suggested before to him 'oh can we talk about something other than work right now?' And he gets moody and says I don't appreciate what he does and it pays all the bills etc. So then to make him happy again I ask him about work.

All the talks we do have that don't start out about work will always end in work, he manages to creep it in somewhere!

Its hard to even get him to want to go out at the weekend, even just for an evening to the cinema or for dinner as he says 'oh I could be working right now' or turns the subject onto work whilst we're out

I'm fucking exhausted, I'm ill today and all I've done is tidy up our home, he went out with the dog for 3hrs this afternoon (and managed to combine with with work calls) and I had 3hrs peace at home to have a sleep, just woke up as he got in and he's been in and out the bedroom asking me questions about his work and telling me about it. I'm just 'mming' and 'yeah-ing' as a reply at this point as I'm fucking tired but he doesn't get the hint.

For the record I'm currently studying at uni and he NEVER wants to hear about that, never asks me questions, always diverts the convo when I bring it up (which is rare!).

AIBU to not want to talk about work 24/7? He literally works from 9am-2am every day and wakes me up at night coming to bed, it's hard to even entice him to bed early for sex at this point!!

Sounds like he is a workaholic or well on the way to becoming one.
Whilst some people thrive on work and throw themselves in knee deep, he’s way out of balance here.
You seem to be pissed off but also not taking it that seriously, it’s the same as any other addition though isn’t it. His whole life is out of whack, he is unable to think or talk about anything else and structures his whole life to enable him to work or talk about work. If you were talking about porn, gambling, going to the pub etc then people would take it more seriously maybe.
You’re going to have to be very very clear that he needs help to address this or it’s possibly going to ruin your relationship.

Addiction* sorry

I think it's really hard when someone grows their own business as it's their baby so it can become their entire world/focus and the more they out in the more they get out. Not being able to switch off though doesn't sound very healthy. And a total bore off for you!

As an aside, yeah you have to study medicine to become a psychiatrist. After your undergrad psychology degree you could become a psychologist of some sort (forensic, clinical, educational). Forensic sounds more suitable if you want to work in a prison. Most if not all of those need you to do a Doctorate degree, which is very hard to get on to. You'd probably need a couple of years work experience after your degree before you can apply and also a high 2:1 or 1st (and maybe a masters). That's the bottle neck getting on doctorate as pp said because there's limited places funded and lots of people want to do it. The reason there's so many jobs is probably because people are leaving the NHS and prison service etc in droves for private work because of politics and frustrations about lack of funding and burnout. Pay is good compared to many other health etc professionals like nurses but not blow your socks off good. Less than a psychiatrist! :)

Yeah I'd find this pretty dull too. Though presumably if you're working full time and studying full time you hardly ever see each other? That must make it easier.

He sounds like he'll be a terrible dad. What makes you think otherwise??

Please tell us that your hubster is a freelance online psychiatrist.

PLEASE.

@managedmis unfortunately not

It sounds like as he's self employed he's lonely and in need to company/ someone to bounce ideas off. I don't know what field he works on but he might benefit from supervision if in a professional role or coaching to help him problem solve and off load.

It's confusing OP don't worry!
Psychiatry is a branch of medicine that specializes in treating patients who suffer from mental, emotional or behavioral disorders. Perhaps the biggest difference between psychiatry and clinical psychology is that all psychiatrists go to medical school and become MDs, while psychologists don't.

@Mummyshark2018 Could be true he does ask me for my opinions/ideas about his work often. He's planning on employing someone once he's finished paying the loan off (this summer) so hopefully it will improve then as he'll have less responsibility.

Honestly, OP, he sounds like a self-centred twat. All he talks about is his work, and he shows no interest in you and what you do.

I would have a very serious talk with him. And if he kept it up, I would consider dumping him.

I think your DH is just unaware how wrapped up in work he is. If he’s recently started the business he kind of has to be to get it off the ground. As it’s his sole focus, he probably has nothing else to talk about. It is his baby. I’m sure it will get better with time

YANBU. He sounds very boring

OP Ive not read the thread but train to be a forensic psychologist! They're great.

@DistanceCall honestly he's not self centred at all, the only thing that's 'about him' is his constant need to talk about work but like others have said, it is his 'baby' and I think he's scared of losing clients if he drops the ball you know?

He's lovely to me rest of the time even if I do have to beg for a work free date every now and then

I think I understand a little more now why he does it, he's currently up writing lists for work to do tomorrow so I guess I should see it as a positive, I have a motivated man

@PolPotNoodle ooh just looked it up, sounds super interesting!

@PolPotNoodle are you one? 😂

@fridayeve I really wouldn’t bother....you’ll be in your thirties still trying to get chartered and wish you’d picked something (anything!!) else, trust me

@Oohgossip I'm not but I work with a lot of them! It's a very interesting line of work and is very lucrative if you work privately

Can't help you with the boring work obsessive but that debt is worrying. Has he had advice about it?

How long does the loan have to run? Paying off £14k for a £10k loan that still hasn't finished is very expensive in this day and age. I borrowed £10k to top up the money we had saved for our house extension and it cost less than £11k to pay back.

Also the repayments were about £300 pm, so that suggests that he has a lot more debt on top. Where has this come from, what's the interest rate and is it going down at any disernable rate?

Credit cards can have very high interest charges and it is often the case that people struggle for years paying them back, most of what they pay goes on interest and they pay back many times what they borrowed. Charges, including PPI etc can also add massively to the amount owed.

He needs to see about reclaiming PPI if he took any out (quickly - the ability to do this ends in August) and also do a proper budget and have a plan in place to repay his debt at a sensible rate. It might also be the case that bankruptcy is appropriate, although I don't know if this would affect his business, so important to check.

If he doesn't get his debt sorted out quickly, his dream of retiring as a millionaire at 50, or even at all, are cloud cuckoo land thinking.

And if the debt is business related, I would question whether he is making as much money as he thinks/claims.

@PolPotNoodle Forensic psychology is also extremely expensive to qualify in, years of expensive post graduate study fees and funding yourself to live alongside that

When you have your own business it's easy for it to consume nearly every waking thought because the success or failure of the business is down to you. There is no guaranteed paycheck at the end of the month. Tbh I'm the same and trying to work on switching off.

OP you say 'it will lead to a great career when I graduate'. I really think you need to get some clear advice about the real options you will have, how many years postgraduate study you will need and how a baby will fit in. Can you live as a student for another 5-8 years?
Your DP sounds annoying and I would gently talk to him about structuring real breaks for himself as part of his mental health. But think about your own financial and professional future as well.

I'm self employed and the year it really took off I got a shock with my tax bill. I hadn't put enough away. I hope he's steadily setting aside money for tax and NICs throughout the year.

But this is what it takes to build and run your own business, maybe he’s anxious that if he takes his eye off the ball it will all fall apart. It sounds like an anxiety issue and I totally get where he’s coming from with that.

I’d see if things change when he takes on an employee.

Is this a reverse?

Hes pulling in c4k per month so presumably funding your studies? Unfortunately as PP have mentioned psychology careers are extremely competitive and to be a psychiatrist requires a degree in medicine etc.

Is he feeling the pressure of supporting the family unit and needs to let off steam in the evening?