Parent or instrumental teacher?

[MarjoryDawess]

Child missed instrumental music lesson because parent forgot to bring instrument to school.

Instrumental teacher didn’t allow child to borrow a spare instrument.

Parent is upset because child missed lesson, teacher maintains children have to bring their instrument to receive tuition.

Who IBU? Parent or teacher?

OMG parent has just texted her to ask if she’s posted on the internet- I feel really bad now.

Parent must be here 😳

We’re all very sorry and please don’t complain to her superiors.

Learned many instruments from a young age.

Never had a music teacher have a child use another child's instrument.

and even if it was a recorder (and it IS a recorder, isn't it? Otherwise borrowing would just be stupid), NO WAY is any other kid having mine.

Parent unreasonable all day long.

And next time, whatever instrument is chosen for next term's set, don't forget to take it with you on the school run.

Oh dear, we are rumbled as being completely unreasonable! Yikes, get MN involved and let's say:
our 'unreasonable acquaintance' (in this slightly reversy thread -as in wasn't a reverse until posters sided roundly against the mum) has recognised herself!

You still need to make sure your 8 year old takes his instrument if you want him to have a lesson. But he probably hates the instrument, hence him leaving it somewhere.

BTW, I can think of various parents who have not fulfilled their musical duty to their offspring. Which 'superiors' should I report this to?

Tell your friend to deny posting on the internet. Also, if the Mum is reading this then YABVU and weird.

Whilst I can understand that the parent involved may feel frustrated by the missed lesson, there's no way I would expect an instrumental teacher to loan another child's instrument so an 8-yr-old can join in with a group lesson. On a couple of occasions one of my DDs' instruments has been used by a peer but the decision to offer it has been in conjunction with me and it's been a supplementary instrument rather than their main one e.g cornet loaned by a first study trumpeter. The other difference is that the players involved are grade 8ish and teenaged so old enough to understand the responsibility.

Had it been a 1:1 lesson then I'd have expected the time to be spent on some aural work or theory but that's not a reasonable expectation in a group lesson. I would however say it was the 8-yr-old's responsibility to remember to take the instrument to school, not the parent's.

I also think that most parents probably have a fairly vague idea of what goes on in instrumental lessons at school. They may not realise that primary schools don't tend to have a stock of spare instruments and so will struggle to understand why missing instrument = missing lesson.

I hate this normally, but in this instance I would ask MNHQ to delete this thread. I hope you had your friend's permission to post this thread but even so, although friend/teacher is deemed Reasonable by MN, posting about a client on MN is really unprofessional, especially as they've seen it.

Parent. And under no circumstances would another child be borrowing my child's instrument mouthpiece or not.

But it’s not a spare instrument! It belongs to someone else. Doesn’t matter if they bought it or got a loan from a music service, it’s theirs and not “spare”. I’d have been furious if anyone had just used one of my instruments when I was in school. You bring your own or you miss you lesson. No one else should risk damage to their own instrument because of you.

What WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles said.

Parent is totally in the wrong.

The child shouldn't have been given someone else's instrument, but needn't have been sent away. They could have stayed to observe the lesson, or been given some written (music theory) work to do. They could also have joined in with any aural work that took place.

Parent is unreasonable, you can't play without your instrument and can't expect there to be spares.
Parent sounds a dick tbh.

How do children manage with big, clumsy instruments like cellos ? A secondary school friend of mine was relatively tall and he struggled carting it to and from school for orchestra and practice at home. I just used to leave my violin at school - never practised.

Apologies for the thread drift.

@IndigoSpritz

I carried a saxophone and violin to and from school twice a week. String and woodwind lessons were on the same day and then band was on a different day and I had to have both instruments as I played different ones for different pieces. Saxophone went on my back on a backpack style case and violin carried on my hand. Really wasn't that difficult.

I used to carry a violin and a viola as well as my school stuff. Although a cello is worse than two smaller instruments because you can’t balance one on either side. I think my cellist friends used to get lifts.

I played cello from the age of 6. There are smaller sized cellos for little kids ;) I got my full size cello at maybe ten? And from then on just carted it about with a strap over the shoulder. It wasn't that hard. Double bass and harp now are a PITA.

Parent is being a massive dick.

Even if it is a recorder you still shouldn't share them. Bringing the instrument is the min effort expected! And sharing a recorder is gross.

”I got my full size cello at maybe ten? And from then on just carted it about with a strap over the shoulder. It wasn't that hard.”

Presumably how hard it is depends how far you have to walk to school!

Parents in the wrong. I played in total 9 instruments, with 2 being my ‘main’ I would never share with anyone! (Sorry if that sounds selfish!)

It was a 30 min walk to secondary school flowers. I assume further than that and a parent would give a lift! I also carried it all around London while at music college. Furthest I carried it was for 2.5 hours but that was due to the tube bombings and I wouldn't recommend.

Primary school was more of a 20 min walk

Parent is being unreasonable. But get this thread deleted before she screenshots or your friend will end up in a whole heap of shit.

One of the many benefits of learning a musical instrument is that helps the child to learn discipline and responsibility towards others, as well as music.

Remembering to take your instrument in for a lesson is very important, doing your practice is also important especially if you play in an ensemble.

It is most decidedly not the responsibility of the teacher if the child forgets their instrument!

Parent, they need to bring an instrument it's the rules. Mine had to remember themselves at that age

OMG parent has just texted her to ask if she’s posted on the internet- I feel really bad now

No, don’t feel bad. Your friend was not being unreasonable.

And @ParentWhoForgotInstrument if you’re reading, YABU.

And how petty of you to use this as a reason for changing your DC’s music learning. Instead of apologising for your mistake, and taking it on the chin like a grown up.