My DM keeps calling my baby her baby and I don’t like it. AIBU?

[AngeloMysterioso]

Ok, I probably am but still...

I’m 18 weeks pregnant with my first baby. Since telling my DM about my pregnancy, whenever I speak to her or she texts me she’ll say something about “my baby”.

For example a message she sent me which at the end said “I love you, please look after my baby and for you just put on baby not fat!” (I’m not kidding. That is word for word what she said).

Today I called her for a chat and at some point she said “and how’s my baby doing?” and I said I’m good thanks! And she said no I meant my other baby. I did point out that I’m her baby and the one I’m carrying is my baby and she said it’s hers too!

It doesn’t help that she’s second guessing everything I do, from taking antihistamines to carrying shopping. Her expression when I told her that I’m going to Glastonbury next month was one of sheer horror...

My Mum is a very intense and more than slightly bonkers person and she and I have a sort of close-but-I-also-keep-her-at-arms-length kind of relationship. She does already have grandchildren but she and my older brother are NC so this is the first one she’ll be able to have a proper Grandma bond with. I know she’s super excited and I am really happy for her but still... I can’t help feeling weird every time she refers to my little Bean as her baby! AIBU?

Ugh I'd keep telling her to stop until she got the message. It's not her baby. Perhaps remind her that she didn't sleep with the father.

Every single time she says "my baby", say "this is NOT your baby. This is my baby and she/he is your grandchild." Every single time.

Gosh the responses on this 🙄 your mum is obviously excited I think you're over thinking a little bit here. The text about not getting fat was way out of line and I'd have told her off for that bit but the "my baby" thing is cute.

I've seen this on many DM/Mil threads and I don't understand why they do it! My own DM thankfully didn't although she was smothering and undermining in various other ways (and still is).

Just tell her bluntly 'DM please stop calling my baby your baby. I don't like it' she'll probably tell you you're being hormonal/over the top but just stand your ground. If she's like mine you give her an inch and she'll take a mile!

but the "my baby" thing is cute.

Speaking as a grandmother, no it's not!

Why is your brother NC with her? Could it be relevant?
Tell her you don’t like her saying “my baby” and you’d rather she stop.
If she is mildly ruffled but agrees, then maybe she’s just excited. If she insists it’s her baby too again, or kicks off, then I think she is going to be a problem.

Is she expecting to be at the birth? Is that what you want?
I too would be worried that her expectations of her impending grandparenthood are not aligned with yours.
Good luck!

but the "my baby" thing is cute

Gosh one individual response on this

It's not cute, it is weird.

I have a granddaughter, she's not 'my baby'. I've had my babies and now I get to love 'their baby'. Correct or ignore, I'd go for correct as it sounds like it annoys you.

My brother is NC for various but none to do with his DC. My DM has never met his youngest two and hasn’t seen the elder two in over 7 years, so to her this feels like it’s her first grandchild.

She did say something about hoping she could be at the hospital when I’m in labour but DH and I shut that down pretty quickly by lying and saying it wasn’t allowed!

She's being awful. Ask her to stop.

And I'm envious of your Glasto ticket. Six years of no lottery win for me!

It’s just something some people say- unless it’s part of a bigger picture I’d let it go.

I hope my daughters don’t end up thinking this way. Without me there, is no you, and so on and so forth. That is how I was brought up......it always amazes me how many people are NC with their parents in this country

I would absolutely hate this, you're not being unreasonable. Agree with PP about saying it's not her baby and she didn't sleep with your DH (in a jokey way if necessary and then be firmer if she doesn't get it.) She sounds similar to my own mum who wanted to be at the birth and also wanted to come down and stay with me for a couple of weeks after the baby was born. Honestly I couldn't imagine much worse, she would drive me crackers and is such a worrier/would absolutely say similar things to your text example. I just said "I'll be fine thanks, I just want DH there". I think if it comes from a good place, even if it's very annoying the easiest thing is to just be clear and firm but polite.

My mil was and still is like this. Tip of the iceberg where DS is concerned but it still boils my blood 😡

I don’t know. Couldn’t it just be “my baby grandchild” that she is feeling? As a grandma I often ask “how’s my baby today?” I don’t mean anything by it.

The "my baby" thing wouldn't bother me - it's quite clearly a nickname, she doesn't actually think its her baby.

I would ask her to tone down the "advice" though.

Your mum is obviously very excited at the prospect of being a grandmother.

Maybe gently point out that her referring to your baby as hers is hurting you and find another nickname for her grandchild.

My mum used to call my dd “My girl” Nobody thought she was literally her girls or that she had slept with my dp- and, frankly, I think saying anything like that would be downright weird. She just meant that she loved her very much and had a connection with her as her grandma. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

ooh
creepy

It's just a figure of speech. I am always amazed on these threads how many grown women are so deeply insecure that something like this wouldn't go in one ear and out the other. She's excited.

Sorry to say it but she's going to be a nightmare when the baby comes. Prepare to have to be very assertive a lot of the time.

Weird! I know she means well but ask her to stop!

Bertrand is right, it depends on what else is going on. My mum did this but she's batshit mental and was emotionally abusive to both me and my dad.

Have a look at the Stately Homes thread, see if it rings any bells.

I’m guilty of this with my DN. Always call or text my sis & ask how my baby boy or my little boy is. I’ve got a little girl on the way though & wouldn’t mind my family calling her ‘their little/baby girl’ x

It all depends on context.