My DM keeps calling my baby her baby and I don’t like it. AIBU?

[AngeloMysterioso]

Ok, I probably am but still...

I’m 18 weeks pregnant with my first baby. Since telling my DM about my pregnancy, whenever I speak to her or she texts me she’ll say something about “my baby”.

For example a message she sent me which at the end said “I love you, please look after my baby and for you just put on baby not fat!” (I’m not kidding. That is word for word what she said).

Today I called her for a chat and at some point she said “and how’s my baby doing?” and I said I’m good thanks! And she said no I meant my other baby. I did point out that I’m her baby and the one I’m carrying is my baby and she said it’s hers too!

It doesn’t help that she’s second guessing everything I do, from taking antihistamines to carrying shopping. Her expression when I told her that I’m going to Glastonbury next month was one of sheer horror...

My Mum is a very intense and more than slightly bonkers person and she and I have a sort of close-but-I-also-keep-her-at-arms-length kind of relationship. She does already have grandchildren but she and my older brother are NC so this is the first one she’ll be able to have a proper Grandma bond with. I know she’s super excited and I am really happy for her but still... I can’t help feeling weird every time she refers to my little Bean as her baby! AIBU?

If my Mum did this it wouldn't bother me at all, it would be just a nice way of describing her GC. Some of these responses seem a bit OTT to me and a sure fire way of damaging relationships.

As an alternative you could always buy her a therapy baby doll like they give to patients with dementia

What kind of awful nasty mind would suggest something like that, never mind actually do it!

I see "baby" as a term of endearment, just like "duck" is where I come from. I doubt very much when a bus driver says "thanks, duck!" , they see passengers as ducks! Likewise "queen" in Liverpool!

Best bit about being a grandmother is being able to hand a crying baby back to its mother! Really, DM could give you a lot of support and baby sitting as and when you need a break or have important appointments - pick your battles!

I agree with aquaramine
Every single time she says "my baby", say "this is NOT your baby. This is my baby and she/he is your grandchild." Every single time

^^this

Given your other comments, she is bossing you around. So it's ok in that situ to set those boundaries clear from the start. You are the mum. She is grandma. She doesn't tell you what to do. She can give advice if KINDLY meant but you don't have to take it. She doesn't get given air for unpleasant digs.

My mil referred to herself as 'mummy' accidently several times when ds was small. 'Come to mummy' etc.
Drove me mad until my son aged 2 told her bluntly 'you're not my mummy, '. She looked devastated. These things eventually sort themselves out. Long wait though!

YANBU, that would do my head in.

My baby (grandson) is asleep upstairs while my other baby ( my daughter, his mummy) is out for the evening. I call him my baby all the time but then I also call my daughter baby. Are you all cringing 😂

Isn’t it exhausting being so alert for slights all the time? If she was calling him a “little rat” or something.......

I guess some PPs have read her saying 'my baby' as a term of endearment. In context of your posts and update, I've read it as her laying a claim in her mind as equal to yours to your own baby and that she gets to tell you what to do as she "knows better". So if you think it's the former, they have given wise advice, if you think it's the latter , go with the other side's advice! You can be polite when you are being form about boundaries , no need for nuclear response, tone in aquamarine 's post was just right In that situation.

Another Grandma here and I certainly have never referred to any of my DGC as 'mine' or 'my baby'. That's inappropriate.
It's lovely being a grandparent but you have to remember that the baby or child is not yours. Part of your family yes, but not yours.

I would spend less time with her.

when my nieces and nephew were small babies I used to call them my babies. Only addressed to them though - as in hello my baby. But I've not ever asked my sisters how my baby was doing.
I don't think it's bad but only you know how she means it or if she's likely to become overbearing etc..

My DM referred to my DS as ‘my baby’ - I said bluntly he wasn’t her baby. She’s asked ‘how’s my baby?’, i reply ‘I’m fine thanks for asking’. She wanted to be called ‘Mamie’ by the kids, we call her grandma. Just keep putting your DM straight, OP, and remember you hold the cards, she doesn’t have a right to see your child and you are in control. My DM was incredibly rude to me and my DH, we just didn’t phone her and didn’t let her come and stay with us do she didn’t see the kids. Took a month or so but she actually apologised which never usually happens and all was fine again.

Stick to your guns.

“Another Grandma here and I certainly have never referred to any of my DGC as 'mine' or 'my baby'. That's inappropriate.”
Oh for goodness sake.

I really being told when I was pregnant that gps advice stems from justifying the actions they took when they were pregnant. Not sure if it’s true.