Family member with severe psoriasis

[Cassie2012]

Hi there, I need some advice about what to do when my brother in law comes to stay..

He has very severe psoriasis to the point where he can stand up and skin falls anywhere he has been

I have a diagnosis of OCD, and I know it is awful but I dread when he is staying over.

I feel sorry for him as he is the only single brother in the family, (which his mum, my mother in law, says is mainly due to his skin condition, how he doesn’t bathe regularly and keeps a very unkempt home)

My partner and I are at odds because I get so anxious and stressed about the dead skin that is everywhere, which I know is because of my OCD. But I genuinely cannot help it, I get along with his brother well and understand it is not something he has much control over.

I have been with my mother in law to his home and cleaned his home for him too to bottom to help him out because he never tidied or cleans.
(He has red carpet throughout his home which has a sea of cream dead skin over it because he doesn’t hoover up) his mum gets really angry with him and explains no woman will ever want to come back to his house because it is disgusting.

I have even suggested I stay at my own mothers just for the night as I cannot cope with stress of cleaning up dead skin off my dog, when he pets him, the toilet skin, and just anywhere he walks because it just drops off him at all times.

He recently stayed over and had to borrow boxers and a toothbrush because he didn’t bring his own!

Has anybody had this problem and if so how do you cope with it?

I know I must sound like such an overbearing weirdo, but with my OCD I can’t cope with it, it actually made me physically gag this morning and I don’t want to do that in front of him when I’m cleaning up the skin.

Many thanks in advance for any advice

As a teenager at school I was bullied for my psoriasis and called a leper. I get it all over including my face.

I am sat here now looking like I have the worst dandruff as my scalp is full of scales. I bathe daily. I am in agony and trying not to itch as I don't want a head full of blood again. I have considered suicide in the past because of my psoriasis hurting and itching so much - so your BIL May be too - especially if pressure is being put on him about a girlfriend (you mention it several times).

OP not to be funny but your house is full of dead skin cells - just so happens your BIL's you can see...

I know it's well meaning but it gets really tedious when people are constantly suggesting treatments for chronic conditions. He lives with it daily. He's probably heard it and tried it all before and people tend to react badly when you tell them that it doesn't work or that they're promoting the latest version of snake oil.

Not true - I have had P since I was was 14 (now in my 40's). You are forever learning new things regarding treatment along with advances in medicine. Not being able to control it is one thing - living in your own shedded skin cells and not cleaning up after yourself is a sign of having given up and feeling overwhelmed. The biggest failure in P treatment is treatment non-compliance. It takes sustained effort over time. I'm understanding the OP in that she feels his priorities fall elsewhere - he is in denial and his family are frustrated. Probably because they love him dearly and are reacting (perhaps maladaptively) to the fact they feel he could do more to help himself. If you want to live in your own mess in your house, that is one issue, not being more mindful of the impact of your condition when staying with others is disrespectful. Yes, it isn't, his fault but it is his responsibility. Life deals you cards you cont want sometimes.