To think a miscarriage is not ‘basically the same’ as an abortion?

[AnneTwackie]

I told an old friend that I’m having a hard time because of a miscarriage and she said she said that my hormones must be haywire because hers were last year after her abortion. I said it’s completely different circumstances and she said ‘yeah but basically the same thing’. Yes she’s insensitive, but is she right i.e the hormones?

I’m so sorry for your loss

I suppose the two are broadly comparable in terms of the physical / hormonal aspect and the effect on your body, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a totally stupid and insensitive thing for your friend to say. The emotional impact of a miscarriage or an abortion is going to be a very unique thing and there’s no way they can really be compared. So while there might be some physical comparison, it doesn’t help to compare them generally.

Is she being insensitive? I’d say the hormone thing is probably true, the body will be going through a similar trauma. Sorry about your miscarriage. I’m sure your friend didn’t find her abortion easy either.

If you had a medically managed miscarriage with Misoprostal, then yes, it is the same medicine.

Each choice comes with emotional baggage. Does it really matter? There isn’t a suffering olympics, and there is no way to measure pain and upset. Of course she was insensitive, but I would just ignore that statement, and get professional help if you feel you aren’t coping well.

I guess it is the same thinking biologically but emotionally it’s a very very different experience ( I’ve had two spontaneous miscarriages and two terminations for medical reasons) so I speak from experience unfortunately.

I'd have thought so - why wouldn't they be the same from a hormone point of view? They are both abruptly-ended pregnancies after all.

And absolutely she was being insensitive (although who knows how her abortion affected her).

Sorry about your miscarriage

Are they different? I don't think they necessarily are, biologically or emotionally. Sorry for your loss.

That’s what I’m wondering (probably through boredom on bed rest) if the hormones involved are the same. From what I understand there’s a natural tapering off of hcg after a natural miscarriage but then some symptoms, like sore boobs, stop abruptly. I just wondered if an abortion worked in the same way being an abruptly ended pregnancy as @stcharlotte said.

Yup. Any pregnancy that ends is going to involve the hcg level slowly coming down and the associated symptoms that causes the body. It’s just in some cases the woman may feel relieved and in another situation the woman feels devastated.

Actually Georgia I assumed she was being insensitive as at the time of the abortion she said she was relieved to get rid and get back to her real life, but now she’s said this about her hormones afterwards it must have caused her more upset than she let on. I suppose no one really knows what others are going through.

Emotionally both can be difficult but in different ways. Hormonally I would expect them to be very different. I'm very sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

sorry should have read hormonally I would accept them to be very similar.

no not the same but then one abortion is not the same as another abortion, one miscarriage is not the same as another miscarriage.
I think your friend was thoughtless and meant biologically.

So sorry for your miscarriage OP.

It would make sense to me that an abortion for medical reasons would be emotionally similar to a miscarriage, but surely choosing not to go ahead with a viable pregnancy is obviously different to losing a wanted baby?

I had an EVAC as the baby wasn’t developing but I was still having morning sickness etc so I assume mine must’ve been a quick end to hormones like an abortion which I guess technically the procedure was.

Hmm, I’ve had an abortion and a miscarriage and I found with the abortion the abrupt hormonal change was like going off a cliff whilst the miscarriage was slightly more gradual. The abortion was slightly later too though so this might affect the comparison. Emotionally it’s going to vary hugely from person to person, probably related to how far along in pregnancy, the motivation for the abortion, previous losses, fertility issues, mental health - so many variable factors.

I have had both, hormonal the same and emotionally the same for me. I feel the abortion for her was more than just being relieved...we all handle things differently. what she said was a bit insensitive as the abortion was her choice the miscarriage was not yours, but sounds like there is a hint of regret on her behalf...perhaps

I am sorry for your MC OP

Of course they are different emotionally, she was being insensitive. Sorry for your loss OP.

didiusfalco that’s really interesting, that’s what I was wondering, thank you x

I'm sorry you went through that OP, but medically a miscarriage is simply a 'spontaneous abortion' as opposed to a voluntary abortion. The hormones involved at the end of a pregnancy are the same.

Obviously the emotions involved are likely very different.

Given that the medical term for a miscarriage is a spontaneous abortion, I would think that they are the same from a physiological perspective. Emotionally though, I would expect them to be different, depending on the reasons for the abortion.

Regardless, she was insensitive.

I think you’re right about my friend lily2403 , thanks

I think your friend expressed herself very clumsily, but agree pysiologically there are similarities between abortion and miscarriage, however not sure that was the time for her to try and discuss that with you however good her motives were.

AnneTwackie

She’s very honest and a bit dark, that’s what I like about her most of the time. She told me after my first born that she thinks to have a child is to begin dying. She should work for hallmark.

one abortion is not the same as another abortion, one miscarriage is not the same as another miscarriage.

This. Both physically and emotionally.

She should work for hallmark.