To think the ants are mugging me off

[Antkiller]

I desperately need help with the ant problem in my garden. It's absolutely riddled with them. My entire lawn is just one giant red ants nest and it ruins my summer every year because im obsessed with keeping my DD away from them. Ive tried EVERYTHING but nothing seems to kill the ant bastards!
Ive tried Nippon, ant bait, talc, soapy water, boiling water, flooding the entire fucking garden to try and drown them out! Theyre fucking indestructible!
My preference would be to buy a can of petrol and kill them with fire but DP says thats "Dangerous"
Any ideas on what other methods i could use to destroy them all without burning my house down?

Try contacting Scott Lang, he may be able to help you

Surely hed side with the ants though no? The last thing i want is to be overthrown and subsequently enslaved

My grass, front and back garden has been invaded with the black variety! Even dug some turf up over their nest and put nippon canister inside before patting down the turf. Still didn't kill them . Got some powder stuff from Homebase which I'm hoping will keep them at bay long enough for the new grass seed to take so it looks nice when house goes on the market in 6 weeks.

But yes I feel your pain and think that a flame thrower would be quite within the bounds of reasonableness

Can you befriend them, perhaps? Take some out for a coffee and a donut (they likes them they do), see if they can be reasoned with?

AlligatorSmile turns out they arnt the forgiving type. I tried reasoning with them but they got into an almighty huff because apparently my repeated attempts at killing them have inconvenienced them somewhat. Pricks

Have you tried Nematodes? They are ant predators and ants are supposed to up sticks and move away from where they are, the reviews look hopeful.

www.nematodesdirect.co.uk/9-no-ants-nematodes

Not helpful but your thread title made be think of the episode of the Inbetweeners with the squirrel 😂

Petrol.
Simply pour a few gallons over the lawn and set fire to it.
Sure you may burn down the fence, shed and possibly your house, but hey, it will cure the ant problem
On a serious note, i have had the same problem in my garden, as have the neighbours for years, unfortunately we can't seem to get rid of them despite best efforts. It's just something we learned to live with. As long as they don't come into the house i ignore them.
I dug up a small part of my garden last year and found a huge labyrinth of ant eggs, it was fascinating and horrible at the same time. I poured a generous helping of white vinegar over it. While white vinegar won't kill them, it fucks with their brains and makes them bugger off.

buy some cheap vodka and douse them in it - maybe if they get drunk they'll forget where they live?

Get your neighbour's cat to shit on them.

Pied Piper?

Our estate is often said to be built on an ants' nest. Lots and lots of those food traps round the edges of the house and inside if you see them getting in.
Ds thinks that's cruel and they should be allowed to come in if they like though.