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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can never truly be free of depression

57 replies

Alwaysawomantome · 23/05/2019 11:40

Yesterday I woke up and the familiar brain fog had returned. All I wanted to do was to throw myself off a bridge just to make it stop. I didn't want to die. I just wanted to brain fog to stop. I couldn't feel happy, I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I phoned in sick and stayed at home. I just wanted to be around my family. Today the brain fog is a little better but I still feel super down but I definitely feel better. I'm not currently on anti-depressants and haven't been for a while. I've had 2 bouts of PND in the past and do suffer with anxiety. I dont feel like me when taking antidepressants and become a completely different person.
I can go weeks or even months without feeling depressed but then suddenly it will hit me out of nowhere. I will sink into such bad depression, living feels like the worse thing and being happy seems impossible. It doesn't last long, a few days maybe 2 weeks at the most. I always do get through it somehow and carry on with my life. When I'm not going through this, I'm so happy. My life is perfect and I've got the most wonderful family. I just wonder if I will ever be free of grips of depression.

TLDR: I get depressed for a few days at a time every few months. Will it end?

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaysawomantome · 23/05/2019 12:05

Anyone?

OP posts:
keepingbees · 23/05/2019 12:21

You sound very similar to me. Can you pinpoint anything that triggers it? Hormones play a part with me. I literally feel suicidal before my period.

What you have to try and focus on is that you know it comes in cycles, so whilst it's horrible at the time you know you will come out the other side.
It is miserable though. Could you try a different therapy to medication such as talking therapies?

Singlenotsingle · 23/05/2019 12:27

Alastair Campbell did a programme on depression on Tuesday. Very interesting. Sorry I can't help - it's no good me trying to suggest things, but I hope you feel better soon.

M3lon · 23/05/2019 12:29

keepingbees sorry for thread derail but I know someone who has literally just discovered this is the issue for her - do you have any advice on treatment or getting GPs to understand the issue?

M3lon · 23/05/2019 12:31

always this certainly happens to me too. I am having a low week at the moment.

For me the triggers are usually pretty easy to spot with hindsight at least.

I struggle around doctors, hospitals, dentists, and my DD's birthday.

I don't suppose that like me you suffered a traumatic birth experience?

Foslady · 23/05/2019 12:36

Agreed - life is better for me than it has in years (talking decades) but I still ended up crying in the shower yesterday. I think I know why, and I know that I still have to keep a level of self care going, reminding myself that I’m not being selfish

Mammylamb · 23/05/2019 13:00

Hi, can you please get yourself to your GP.

I get this too, and usually takes a few weeks after starting ADs to feel better.

Original poster
Alwaysawomantome · 23/05/2019 13:45

@keepingbees I have never found any noticeable triggers, I might start making a dairy to see if I can spot something. I've tried talking therapies too. I absolutely hated it.

@M3lon I'm going to keep an eye out for triggers. Both my children's births were absolutely horrific but I don't dwell too much on them anymore. I think my husbands vasectomy helped with that. I hope you start to feel better soon.

Thank you to all the other replies. It's somewhat comforting to know that I'm not the only one it happens to, however it does make me feel sad that so many people have to deal with it. I don't want to live on antidepressants. If I got to a point where I wasnt coming our the other side after a week or two, then I would certainly consider it but at this moment I would rather fight to get out of it and live my happy days as just me and it the me on antidepressants. If that makes any sense at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaysawomantome · 23/05/2019 13:46

And not the me on antidepressants*

OP posts:
tiredvommachine · 23/05/2019 13:46
Flowers
Original poster
Alwaysawomantome · 23/05/2019 13:47

@tiredvommachine 💜

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Skandinaviem · 23/05/2019 13:47

Please start talking vit D3 and look into the Ketogenic diet- saved my life literally. I could have written your post 18m ago. There is hope and it will get better.

Original poster
Alwaysawomantome · 23/05/2019 13:51

@Skandinaviem thank you. I do take the vitamins. I have a vit D, b12 and folate deficiency. I'm quite good at keeping on top of vitamins. I've never heard of a ketogenic diet, I'll certainly look into it

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Preggosaurus9 · 23/05/2019 13:53

Have you tried cutting out wheat and sugar? Switching to high veg and high protein diet? Life changing for me. I am not recognisable from the person I used to be.

Original poster
Alwaysawomantome · 23/05/2019 13:54

I do know what a keto diet is. Brain fog at it's best.

I don't really have they much wheat and sugar in my diet to be honest. I could up my veg intake, definitely

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kandykane77 · 23/05/2019 14:00

Have you had any talking therapy? My depression threatens to make an appearance every now and again but it’s been basically under control for around 15 years now. DH on the other hand has frequent bouts of anxiety and depression, he takes tablets periodically but never has any therapy so when he stops taking the tablets the symptoms return. It’s a vicious circle.

nervousFTM · 23/05/2019 14:04

@Preggosaurus9 please elaborate on the diet thing? X

Lifeover · 23/05/2019 14:13

I’m like this with anxiety. Through talking therapy I’ve learned coping mechanisms but I’m of the school of thinking mental illness is a chronic illness with no actual cure and it’s symptom managing and knowing how to care for yourself during attacks

Original poster
Alwaysawomantome · 23/05/2019 14:15

@kandykane77 I had talking therapy when i was younger and I absolutely hated it. It bizarrely made me worse. She had a way of making me talk about things that I had long since buried and it brought it all back to the surface and I'd leave feeling much shitter than when I started. I tried for about 10 months and then gave up

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Sakura7 · 23/05/2019 14:16

It may be that the particular anti-depressant you were on before didn't suit you. I think it would be a good idea to go back to your GP and discuss trying a different one. Diet might help somewhat but I really wouldn't dismiss medication at this point.

Original poster
Alwaysawomantome · 23/05/2019 15:50

@Sakura7 I've suffered for a number of years and tried multiple different types on AD. I just really dont get on well with them.

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Moralitym1n1 · 23/05/2019 16:11

Sounds like pmdd, though one would be thought that would be most months, perhaps not.

Fatasfooook · 23/05/2019 16:28

Same. Mine is mostly cyclical through my menstrual cycle. Or sometimes out if the blue for no reason. Exercise and a good diet helps. Reducing alcohol intake. Forcing myself to be sociable etc.

Fatasfooook · 23/05/2019 16:30

Also reducing screen time helps

Original poster
Alwaysawomantome · 23/05/2019 16:38

I'm going to try and track it to see if it is cycle related. @Moralitym1n1 I'm incredibly irregular, I can go anywhere between 4 weeks to 8 weeks between periods, so I guess it could be that.

@Fatasfooook I try so hard to force myself to be sociable and it definitely does help when I do get out the house. I don't drink anyway, perhaps that's where I'm going wrong 🙄😏

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