To think you can never truly be free of depression

[Alwaysawomantome]

Yesterday I woke up and the familiar brain fog had returned. All I wanted to do was to throw myself off a bridge just to make it stop. I didn't want to die. I just wanted to brain fog to stop. I couldn't feel happy, I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I phoned in sick and stayed at home. I just wanted to be around my family. Today the brain fog is a little better but I still feel super down but I definitely feel better. I'm not currently on anti-depressants and haven't been for a while. I've had 2 bouts of PND in the past and do suffer with anxiety. I dont feel like me when taking antidepressants and become a completely different person.
I can go weeks or even months without feeling depressed but then suddenly it will hit me out of nowhere. I will sink into such bad depression, living feels like the worse thing and being happy seems impossible. It doesn't last long, a few days maybe 2 weeks at the most. I always do get through it somehow and carry on with my life. When I'm not going through this, I'm so happy. My life is perfect and I've got the most wonderful family. I just wonder if I will ever be free of grips of depression.

TLDR: I get depressed for a few days at a time every few months. Will it end?

keeping thanks for the reply - that Mind looks like a very useful resource for this.

The only side effect I've had stomachwise is yucky flavour burps, not more burps than usual just yucky when they happen. The tablets taste gross, but it's worth it. You don't need to take one every day. I only take it when the brain fog happens, for a few days afterward, or if I just feel like it.

If I take that dose everyday for a few weeks, I find my hands are tingly when I wake up. Again for me it's well worth it, and it goes away when I don't take any for a week or so.

Thank you @mooncuplanding for the links, especially the link to the Inflamed Mind. In case anyone's interested I found a podcast with a discussion with him. It's Dr Rangan Chatterjee's podcast and here's a link drchatterjee.com/episode-35-why-depression-isnt-all-in-the-mind-with-professor-edward-bullmore/

It's possible that you might have something like Cyclothymia.

It's like a milder version of bipolar disorder where you get regular cycles of ups and downs but neither to the extent of bipolar disorder.

Maybe look this up and see if it fits?

I have bipolar disorder and need to put a lot of effort into managing things, but it’s the medication that’s been a lifesaver. You’ve got a lot more medication options. Lamotrgine is a good antidepressant that isn’t actually an antidepressant. I take agomelatine, which is a unique type of antidepressant.

I’ve been to a specialist service that is for people where regular treatment for depression hasn’t worked. They’ve got all kinds of alternative treatments. If self management doesn’t work, you could ask for a referral to your community mental health team.

Unfortunately, finding medications that work is pot-luck and it can take some experimentation.

I'm sceptical about the Keto advice. I tried it and it triggered a massive depressive episode for me (as in...I ended up in psychiatric hospital).

I forgot to mention bipolar disorder. It can be quite subtle and not obvious if you dont know what to look for. My problems are 95% depression, but it presents a bit differently than normal.