AIBU to have these potentially irritating/weird behaviours?

[JudyOha]

To be fair, I've always been a perfectionist and have a lot to show due to this trait, such as very high exam grades, etc. but I do very much know the negatives to being too much of a perfectionist and I'm very much a planner which means I'm always living in the future rather than the present or past (which is definitely not good for mental health..!) but anyway, went away on holiday with a male friend for a few days last month and he's a very laid back, optimistic, take charge, child at heart kind of guy (in his early 30s) whereas I'm mid-20s..

He found the following behaviours odd/annoying:

1. At the airport for our flight, we were HOURS early and obviously beyond a certain point/security line, the airport staff ask passengers to throw away water bottles etc. so I suggested waiting on that side to gradually finish my entire 1.5L water bottle (had about 500ml left) because:

• It was a very hot day
• Buying water beyond the security line at the airport is 4x the cost of in the supermarket
• We were hours early so waiting before the security line for a bit or after it makes zero differences considering we still had around 2 hours left till the plane..

... He gave me a weird look and implied I was being stupid/immature (not in those words though) to try and "save water" in such a weird way.

2. We got separate hotel rooms - I did a bit of meal prep and offered he could come and share some of it - he agreed and when he came in, he had the food I made and then opened the last large unopened bottle of water I had left (for the day after for the airport) under my desk so it's ready which I bought.. not asking permission.. literally saying "I'm going to have this water, opening it and then chugging down at least a litre of it" when he knows the tap water is drinkable, etc. (though he is a nice person in that I'm sure he would not be offended at all if I went to his room and did the same behaviour but still, surely it's obvious that not everyone will have the same approach he does).

3. We agree to meet at the hotel lobby at 9.50 the next day in our holiday - we got back the last evening about midnight so I struggled to get up but still did as we agreed that time and got ready by the time we agreed. I texted him, phoned him, etc. and no answer - he replied 1.5 hours later saying he'd turned off the alarm and went back to sleep.. would have been nice to tell/text me that so I could have done the same...! He defended himself saying that after we agreed on the time, he said no rush in the text before saying goodnight (but I took that to mean no rush as in we were starting days at like 8.30am on days previously so this is a no-rush 9.50 start.. not 11.30..!

4. He always takes the mick if I try to save costs on things or if I look at an item in the store for a while (not because I wanna buy it but just because I find the item interesting) and then not buy it but as far as I'm concerned, having different financial backgrounds, etc. I'm entitled to spend as I choose.

5. If we buy different food items at a cafe, he'll offer a bite of whatever he's got and if I say no thanks, he'll insist at least 4-5 times EVERY time for me to try some of it which is a massive headache.. even if I say I have intolerance to the product or just not a fan of the product (If I offer him any of my food, he'll usually say yes straight away 99% of the time)

I definitely know I'm FAR from perfect and have various character flaws but am I ridiculously in the wrong here or is it because he's a guy he thinks like this? or just different personalities? I know none of his behaviours/reactions are terrible but it becomes really grating when it's all the time..!

Thanks everyone for your responses - seems quite a mixed bag :)
I know the issues are petty individually of course but when a lot of petty things add up, it feels like more of a big thing.

For the drinking water thing, he'd already had his water all done before security as he can drink huge amounts (3-4L a day minimum) and I chugged a lot of it but had 300ml or so left (can feel quite sick if I drink even larger amounts in 1 go and I wasn't insisting we wait 30 mins, just a few minutes.. and he seemed to find it weird (I would never have asked for that if we weren't hours early and neither of us had plans to go duty free shopping - we were just intending to wait in the airport lounge waiting area for the flight).

Also, it's not mainly a cost thing but at that airport, finding a 1.5L bottle of water is not particularly easy (usually they sell tiny 500ml ones for x4 of the price of the 1.5L one I had) - I get dehydrated very easy (nosebleeds etc.)

The meal prep was purely due to them providing cooking stove, cooking utensils etc as part of the price so of course it seemed a shame to waste it (we did eat out a lot but obviously I didn't want to me eating out for every meal every day for the entire holiday when we had facilities to do differently).

I know I'm probably overly uptight etc but main point of this thread was for me to ask whether HIS behaviour is what's "normal" or is he overly laid back (i.e. we're both on extreme opposite sides of the scale) as I'm sure if everyone is like this, I may as well build a cave and hide in it forever lol.

Also, AIBU - him knocking at my room and then walking in before hearing a response (he probs waited 3-4 seconds). I always wait for a response for a response for at least 10-15 seconds and if not, I'd call out to them, knock again etc before trying to walk in.. esp if it's an opposite gender friend.. am I being too anal about it again??

You are a little bit anal, yes sounds like you both aren't compatible for holidays! He probably feels the same

Also, it's not mainly a cost thing but at that airport, finding a 1.5L bottle of water is not particularly easy (usually they sell tiny 500ml ones for x4 of the price of the 1.5L one I had) - I get dehydrated very easy (nosebleeds etc.)

You can fill your own bottle after security (as posted above).

I don't get what's wrong about the OP finishing her water, sounds like it was only a few minutes and they were hours early. Unless I'm missing something.

3ooml of water isn't going to make much of a difference if you get very easily dehydrated and normally carry 1.5L bottles.
Just as an aside, if your nosebleeds are really contributing to dehydration, they sound a bit worrying. Perhaps you should get them checked out if you haven't already.

Anyway, since you were asking about his
behaviour, imo the knocking and coming in straight away sounds rude. The rest seems normal to me.

Re the knocking and coming in immediately -- most hotel doors lock automatically when shut, so someone can't knock and come straight in unless they have a key/key card etc, and anyone knocking has to wait for someone to let them in. How was he able to walk straight in?

Hi, 're knocking and walking in. If you are expecting him and the door is unlocked it's fine. If you are showering/changing etch lock the door.

I don't get what's wrong about the OP finishing her water, sounds like it was only a few minutes and they were hours early. Unless I'm missing something.

I don't think she just wanted to finish it in one go, she wanted to sip away at it at her leisure. Yes they had the spare time but I'd much rather sit and relax or shop at duty free knowing I've already gone through security than have to wait 40 minutes for my friend to sip her water.

On reflection, the being late is rude too.
I wonder if - being a perfectionist - you thought it was more of a definite appointment, whereas he - being perhaps overly laid back - thought it was a bit more vague than that.

Re the knocking and coming in immediately -- most hotel doors lock automatically when shut, so someone can't knock and come straight in unless they have a key/key card etc, and anyone knocking has to wait for someone to let them in. How was he able to walk straight in?

Yeah I was thinking that too.

Thanks everyone so far..
No these doors are like normal room doors where you have to lock them from the inside if you want it locked which is what I do out of security purposes anyway. I texted saying he's dressed and then came down 10 minutes later and did the whole knock and enter before I could answer.

Definitely wasn't going to take 40 minutes to sip away at my leisure, I more meant a few minutes so I'm not having to literally pour it down my throat & a water fountain past the security would have been ideal but neither of us could find one during the going nor return of the journey so perhaps the airport didn't have one or it was well hidden.

If it was just going to take a minute or two you would have said go on through I'll just finish this up. It does sound like you were being uptight. You can't drink quick, you can't go without water, you can't buy a bottle of water in duty free (there's almost always a boots through there). You weren't going to get dehydrated through lack of a few ml of water.

You sound like you thrive on control, I'm fairly similar myself. It is important to let go a bit though especially when travelling with friends. If he was due to come round your room knocking then coming is fine. You obviously would have locked the door if you were stood around naked. Nagging you to sample his food is a bit irritating though. Perusing items you don't want to buy isn't the end of the world if you're both shopping but I wouldn't do it if someone was waiting for me.

You're very different people. You do come across as a bit tight with money/not generous, why can't he have a bit of water? . He fell back asleep after the alarm, easily done. My friend can spend 15/20mins or longer on 'interesting' items she doesn't buy . That's why we never ever shop together. 6hour trips & she will buy nothing (& is too tight for coffee breaks to break the monotony). And she strops if you've had enough after 2hours.Torture.

The things you mention don't appear to be anything to do with being a perfectionist.

You just are very different people - he is very laid back and you appear to be the opposite. You certainly aren't ideal travelling companions.

You will drive each other bananas. You either need a companion who is just like you or to find a way of relaxing a lot bit more.

Not perfectionists traits necessarily, more the traits of a highly strung individual, the polar opposite of your friend. Holidays tend to show up the characterics in our friends which we are really only tolerable to us over short periods of time spent together. Your friend sounds laid back bordering on a little thoughtless, but you sound super uptight.

The water thing would have annoyed me.

You would both drive me crackers. Chill out.

You'd both annoy me but I agree with this:

The episode with the water bottle at the airport would have driven me mad. Standing there like a lemon 'sipping' your litre of water, ffs! I'd have insisted you threw the bottle away and bought you a new one airside if you were too tight to do so yourself.

Your focus on bottle capacities and precisely how many millilitres of water were consumed/remaining made me very tense.

main point of this thread was for me to ask whether HIS behaviour is what's "normal" or is he overly laid back

Well clearly, but the key point is most people find your behaviour more abnormal than his and actually apart from him sleeping in, I don't think anyone can see anything he's done that's abnormal. It's all you.

And just lock your hotel room door. Honestly stop being weird.

You're one of those people who has to have a bottle of water on you AT ALL TIMES, aren't you, OP....?

And to be fair, sorry, his sleeping in wasn't abnormal. Just annoying. Your behaviour on the other hand isn't right.

Who arranged to meet at 09.50?

To be fair, you sound more uptight and rigid than he does annoying. It appears you get worked up over such insignificant things and the fact you wrote a post about all of this confirms so. This is all so petty. Perhaps it's time you began to look hard at the way you behave with others before you begin to point fingers and pass off that it's other people who are the problem.

The only thing that you wrote that would have been annoying is the waking up and him not getting back to you until later. However, there clearly appears to be some miscommunication there but nothing to dwell on for the long-term.

Other than that, I think most people would have found you frustrating to be around if you get worked up so easily. Your FRIEND drank some water you had, seriously? That's hardly anything to hold on to and get annoyed over.

Value the relationships you have, try to loosen up a bit and not get worked up over non-issues.

You sound exhausting. I read the post and felt drained , I cant imagine what its actually like being with the two of you. Separate and work on chilling out a bit more

Who arranged to meet at 09.50?

It's such an odd time. Why round it up to 10?