AIBU to have these potentially irritating/weird behaviours?

[JudyOha]

To be fair, I've always been a perfectionist and have a lot to show due to this trait, such as very high exam grades, etc. but I do very much know the negatives to being too much of a perfectionist and I'm very much a planner which means I'm always living in the future rather than the present or past (which is definitely not good for mental health..!) but anyway, went away on holiday with a male friend for a few days last month and he's a very laid back, optimistic, take charge, child at heart kind of guy (in his early 30s) whereas I'm mid-20s..

He found the following behaviours odd/annoying:

1. At the airport for our flight, we were HOURS early and obviously beyond a certain point/security line, the airport staff ask passengers to throw away water bottles etc. so I suggested waiting on that side to gradually finish my entire 1.5L water bottle (had about 500ml left) because:

• It was a very hot day
• Buying water beyond the security line at the airport is 4x the cost of in the supermarket
• We were hours early so waiting before the security line for a bit or after it makes zero differences considering we still had around 2 hours left till the plane..

... He gave me a weird look and implied I was being stupid/immature (not in those words though) to try and "save water" in such a weird way.

2. We got separate hotel rooms - I did a bit of meal prep and offered he could come and share some of it - he agreed and when he came in, he had the food I made and then opened the last large unopened bottle of water I had left (for the day after for the airport) under my desk so it's ready which I bought.. not asking permission.. literally saying "I'm going to have this water, opening it and then chugging down at least a litre of it" when he knows the tap water is drinkable, etc. (though he is a nice person in that I'm sure he would not be offended at all if I went to his room and did the same behaviour but still, surely it's obvious that not everyone will have the same approach he does).

3. We agree to meet at the hotel lobby at 9.50 the next day in our holiday - we got back the last evening about midnight so I struggled to get up but still did as we agreed that time and got ready by the time we agreed. I texted him, phoned him, etc. and no answer - he replied 1.5 hours later saying he'd turned off the alarm and went back to sleep.. would have been nice to tell/text me that so I could have done the same...! He defended himself saying that after we agreed on the time, he said no rush in the text before saying goodnight (but I took that to mean no rush as in we were starting days at like 8.30am on days previously so this is a no-rush 9.50 start.. not 11.30..!

4. He always takes the mick if I try to save costs on things or if I look at an item in the store for a while (not because I wanna buy it but just because I find the item interesting) and then not buy it but as far as I'm concerned, having different financial backgrounds, etc. I'm entitled to spend as I choose.

5. If we buy different food items at a cafe, he'll offer a bite of whatever he's got and if I say no thanks, he'll insist at least 4-5 times EVERY time for me to try some of it which is a massive headache.. even if I say I have intolerance to the product or just not a fan of the product (If I offer him any of my food, he'll usually say yes straight away 99% of the time)

I definitely know I'm FAR from perfect and have various character flaws but am I ridiculously in the wrong here or is it because he's a guy he thinks like this? or just different personalities? I know none of his behaviours/reactions are terrible but it becomes really grating when it's all the time..!

You sound too much. I could never go on holiday with you, I'd throw you out of the plane

Have you considered trying to dial back your constant nit picking and worrying?

That food thing sounds irritating. He should understand that no means no.

I’d be annoyed about him being late because he turned his alarm off but the rest of the time I think you need to relax more. None of those points made you sound like a perfectionist.

You’re a holiday match made in hell. He’s laid back and thinks holiday morning plans are negotiable, and, in the nicest possible way, you’re incredibly uptight, rigid in your thinking and penny-pinching.

Were you really so strapped for cash on your first night that you got to your hotel room and did ‘food prep’? If you were also tired in the morning, why didn’t you text and say you wanted to sleep in, or alternatively, head out yourself and let him catch up later?

I mean, presumably you know this man enough to go away on holidays with him?

Yeah you don't sound compatible holiday friends

There's not many of my friends I'd go on holiday with, even though I love them. Don't go away with him again

Both of you sound irritating in your own ways. But then I'm sure the same could be said about me DP hates that I like to sleep in on holiday, for example.

I'd have been seething at him drinking my water though and probably would have told him to get his own or replace mine.

You're incompatible. There are many a friendship which did not survive a holiday, you won't be the only one.

Don't listen to people telling you to chill out etc, if this is your personality then you'll find it hard to dial back. I have a friend who is like you, she will draw up itineraries for holidays, plan out every route, work out the cost of absolutely everything, bring snacks... Everyone teases her for it but actually we can end up relying on her preparedness. Horses for courses etc

Unclench, OP. These extremely minor incidents happened last month, about time to let it go.

The episode with the water bottle at the airport would have driven me mad. Standing there like a lemon 'sipping' your litre of water, ffs! I'd have insisted you threw the bottle away and bought you a new one airside if you were too tight to do so yourself.

The not being down at the agreed time is the only thing that would have moderately annoyed me too. Still, a reasonable person would have:

a) gone up to investigate if really worried about friend's wellbeing;
b) left a message at reception for friend and gone exploring on their own;
c) sod off back to bed.

Really no need for the drama, particularly a month afterwards.

You both sound annoying in totally different ways.

You're uptight - which sucks the fun out of things for me - and he's rude to leave you waiting around.

Don't go on holiday together again would be my advice.

And there's no way I'd have stood round waiting for you to gradually finish your water.......

He sounds annoying.

I'm trying to picture it. Did you just sit there. Slowly sipping determinedly your water, whilst he watched you, getting more and more impatient with each sip?

Anyways, these things are not the sign of a perfectionist. These things are a sign of being stubborn, penny pinching, self focused, uptight and quite selfish.

A perfectionist is when you want everything to be perfect. Not wanting someone to have your water. Looking at items you've no intention of buying for ages whilst someone waits for you , making someone stand there whilst you slowly finish your water is simply not perfectionism.

Yes he should have text you if he was going to be late, leaving someone waiting around in a hotel lobby is just rude and selfish.

He's being weird and irritating forcing you to try his food.

As for your penny pinching and him being laid back it just sounds like a compatibility issue. I do think it would be annoying to wait behind security so you could finish 500ml of water. I think you needed to compromise a bit there. Him drinking your water - you should have just asked him not to - he didn't think about it because it isn't the kind of thing that would bother him.

None of the issues raised were worth writing an essay about or seeking an opinion on a public forum. I think you need to try and learn to just let things go, shrug them off, move on (into your future).....

I still want to know what ‘food prep’ you were doing as soon as you reached your hotel room on the first day of your holiday.

Your post keeps reminding me of some (non-poor) relatives who always bring sandwiches for the flight, then save their airline meals and eat them in their hotel room at their destination instead of going for out for a meal — the reason I know this is that they think this is a brilliant idea and take photographs of their hotel room table all set out with two airline meals, complete with little trays, cutlery in little plastic pouches with them sitting proudly behind it. (And no, no idea what they say when cabin crew come to collect trays.)

They once met my elderly parents off a flight from our home country at Heathrow (they were staying for a night with them on the way to visiting someone else), drove to a garage forecourt in the general airport area, unpacked folding chairs, flasks and sandwiches and consumed them sitting watching the traffic.

They would be exactly the same about finishing their water, and would have been muttering darkly about scams and airside prices.

None of what you have written sounds particularly irritating or weird, neither you nor him. Just different to one another.

Totally incompatible.

I love my friends dearly but I would kill most of them by the end of a week's holiday!

But you and him sound incompatible to the extent it would make everyday life a misery.

I say this with kindness but I think it's worth you thinking about how suffocating your rigid behaviour can be and what benefits to your own enjoyment of life might come from letting go a little bit.

It sounds like a control thing and you not acknowledging that other adults are your peers with just as much right to an opinion as you. Sometimes you have to compromise or accept people make slip ups.

It doesn't sound like perfectionist behaviour at all just control freak behaviour.

The water thing at security would irritate the life out of me. Why would you even arrive at the airport with a big bottle of water??

You really like your water, don't you....?!

I think it's mostly a case of different strokes for different folks. I would have been fed up with agreeing to meet up at 09:50 and then not hearing anything from him but perhaps he did not feel the arrangement was quite so set in stone as you did.

As for drinking the water before security. If we're talking of a delay of under 5 minutes I would not have minded. If it had meant standing around for ages waiting for you to drink your water, I would have thought that odd and annoying. I like to get to airside, browse the shops and then settle down with a book and a coffee.

The food thing would piss me off and I would be slightly annoyed at him being an hour and a half late, but after the first 30mins of him not turning up, k would have gone back to my room and gone back to sleep.
The insisting in drinking the water slowly before going through security would drive me insane. It sounds to me like you are too uptight and your friend is too laid back.

In my opinion he’s the annoying one!

I think he sounds more annoying than you do.

I mean most of them are such non issues. I would be annoyed about the making you get up while slept away thing though

I don’t think you sound like a perfectionist. But I do think you like to do things your way and get irritated at having to be flexible to fit in with others.

Don't go on holiday together... or with other people . You both sound utterly exhausting.