Should the better off subsidise their less well off friends?

[isothickithinkimclever]

Just that really I have several people including a brother a sister and some friends who are far better off than us financially ( in other respects not so much tbh)
So when we do things with them
Or when it's our turn to reciprocate invites to houses I dread our turn as it's a huge impact on our finances.'thing is I love their company but I don't think they have any clue about what a struggle it is fir us to keep up with them.
It's our turn to have three couples fir dinner but I keep putting it off as paying fir food wine beers etc is going to be a strain.
I've known these people fir ever some are relatives
They know what my job is and what I earn and yet ..
My title is wrong what I mean is can you be friends with people who are far richer than you?

I think you are confusing two things OP. With having friends round for dinner you can cut your cloth accordingly, ie for them it might be serving Moet & Chandon with caviar and lobster, for you it might be 'Mexican night' with fajitas and mojitos. Both are fun and most people font care if they're eating expensive food, they just want to catch up and have fun.

The holidays and events, you just have to be honest and say you can't afford it or just do bits you can afford (eg do the show but not the dinner or whatever). In that situation I wouldn't be expecting richer friends to sub me just because they're better off.

As a friendship group they shouldn't be stopped from doing stuff they can afford to do because you can't, but you can volunteer to organise more cheap and cheerful activities.

IMO if you are the rich friend you either make the invite inclusive (eating round each others houses, cheap visit to free attraction etc) or you offer to pay.It's selfish to knowingly put someone in an awkward position.

Well you're either very rich or you're talking shite. Offer to pay to take them on holiday? What a ludicrous thing to post. I guess they should just cut the op loose then and not invite her. In your made up world.

Bluntness I've never treated a friend to an entire holiday, no.
But equally, I wouldn't invite a friend to a holiday they didn't have any chance of affording. What would be the point of that? If I go on holiday with friends we tend to share the cost of a caravan at Haven.
While we're there, I might treat everyone to a restaurant meal.
To me, an expense like that is something I'm in a position to incur on a whim.
So it can start to irritate me to always be planning everything out, bringing sandwiches, cutting the day short to go back and start cooking and so on.
The cost of treating the others is worth it to me to have the nice evening.

I guess my point is-you either muck in and make sandwiches with good grace or you pay up for something nicer for everyone.

No, they shouldn't subsidise you at all. Most guests when coming for dinner do bring something along.

This is basic living within your means, they can afford to spend on certain things, that's fine. If you cannot, you can look in to ways of hosting a dinner the cheapest way. It is possible, you will just have to plan and shop smartly.

Just because they earn more does not mean they should always be the ones to spend, no one should expect that.

If you base friendships on what people earn, then good luck to you. Most people base friendships on the character of people, what their income is usually never of relevance. You can certainly be friends with those who earn better and those who earn less.

I think it's quite awful that you think this way to be honest. If you truly feel so put out and believe it's not something you can financially afford, then just explain that to them. But you cannot always expect to take, take and take.

There's plenty of advice out there and ideas to host dinner parties on a budget, it will just require some research and effort on your part. Perhaps spend less time focusing on the income of your friends and more time trying to learn of ways to get more out of your money in the long-run.

Wow, I just read you r updates. Why do you focus on money so much? Your friends financial circumstances doesn't make them bad friends, does it? Financial gain or loss does not define a person at all and it's awful that you focus on it so much.

If you cannot afford certain things that is absolutely fine, even the richest of the rich decline certain invitations.

I honestly think the problem is you, you sound very jealous and clearly worry too much about keeping up appearances when I bet these people don't care at all and actually value you as a person for who you are - perhaps begin to do the same.

I feel you will always have an issue with friendships because you sound like a person who will always pick at things and compare yourself when there is no need, whether they earn more than you or not.

if my family or friends thought let's go on holiday together I would have no problem saying sounds great I would love to go, let's set a budget that suits everyone first and then see what we can do. If someone suggested somewhere beyond that I would simply say we cant afford that. No decent family or friend would say too bad we can.

No decent family or friend would say too bad we can

Exactly.

Hi there spectrelit
Very happy fior your point of view.
I have to admit I probably am jealous .
Also I do recognise that having material stuff doesn't guarantee you
Happiness
Maybe time to take a re-evaluation of my values
Thanks everyone very enlightening exchanges x

No. I'm not a charity case.

I have more money than some of my friends . I buy them dinner / tickets to things sometimes . Why not . If the shoe was on the other foot they would do the same .

I am referring to 2-3 best friends since childhood .

But ultimately happy to sit on the sofa with them and natter over big fancy events / sports events / concerts as I'm boring and to be honest a home bird .

your brother - you can tell your brother, surely? It's not a crime not to have as much money as some others.

One of the best evenings I ever had was when some hard up friends did a cheese fondue with pieces of baguette to dip in. It was fantastic. Another couple who invited us round gave us egg and chips. We loved it!

@isothickithinkimclever Thank you for taking my comments so graciously.

Jealousy is not an abnormal human reaction, it happens to the best of us. But from what you have said, these people value you for YOU, otherwise they wouldn't spend time with you.

You have said you have a lot of positive in your life, be grateful for that. You also seem to have a wonderful bunch of friends - that means far more than any money.

Financial difficulty can happen to any one of us, but remember we never know truly what goes on in someone else's life. Your friends may have made huge sacrifices to have what they have and may continue to do so.

I hope your financial situation does improve, but the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Enjoy what you do have, enjoy the good people you have around you, you do not need to be something you're not. Also as mentioned before, there are a lot of blogs out there that really do help with budgeting and how to get the most out of your money, it may be worth a look?

Best wishes to you!

But do you invite them to cheaper days out? And if so what do they say?

Home made pasta with homemade sauce is very cheap a d absolutely gorgeous

In our friendship group we have friends who are not as well off as us and we have compromised on holidays so we can go together

If it's your bother or sister and they willingly sub you I wouldn't give it a second thought but I think friends is different from family.