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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really quite hurt

56 replies

notlikelybyhalf · 22/05/2019 19:49

I hope I explain this properly.

Last Monday I started back work after a year’s maternity leave. I’m back full time and both DDs are under school age. I worked two 9 hour shifts on Monday and Tuesday and was completely exhausted on the Tuesday night.

It was my friend’s birthday on the Tuesday I went back and I messaged her in the morning to say happy birthday etc.

Like I said I worked flat out on the first two days I was back to get myself in order and reacquaint myself with the role. On the Tuesday my elder daughter was involved in an accident in nursery and was pretty upset that night when I picked her up (nursery didn’t tell me at the time which is another story!) so I spent my night just chilling with her and DH after younger dd was in bed, making dinner and was crashed out by 8pm.

Woke up last Wednesday was off work but had a jam packed day. Noticed I had lots of WhatsApps on a group chat from the night before and looked at them at lunchtime.

Birthday girl had announced (while I was asleep) the night before that she was pregnant. As soon as I read it I congratulated her etc.

Took a small present and card round to her on Thursday after work and also a present for her DD’s communion. She wasn’t in but I left it in her porch and sent her a message.

Didn’t hear a word from her other than “got it”.

I’ve since found out that the girls I’m friendly with in the WhatsApp group (who I’ve known for years) are all pissed off that I didn’t message pregnant birthday girl until the next day and have frozen me out. Nor are they happy that I wasn’t effusive enough in my congratulations.

I’m so hurt. I had the busiest week last week starting back work and I’m being bitched about for not being quick enough to reply to a message.

I feel like telling them all to fuck off.

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 22/05/2019 19:50

Do it.

00100001 · 22/05/2019 19:52

Are they all 13? Confused

Roseandrhubarb · 22/05/2019 19:52

You are NOT the problem here. I'm sorry. How rude of them.

ReganSomerset · 22/05/2019 19:53

If it's on WhatsApp they would have been able to see you hadn't read it yet. Gits.

Nevermind, OP. Soon, preggo birthday girl will know how all-consuming small children can be.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/05/2019 19:54

They are being absurd. I would tell them all to fuck right off.

HolesinTheSoles · 22/05/2019 19:54

They sound bloody awful. Are you meant to be on call 24-7 in case one of your friends get pregnant again and need immediate recognition about the fact?

Gizlotsmum · 22/05/2019 19:55

Surely they saw you didn't read it that evening?

How rude of them. I would leave them too it. They possibly don't understand how tiring returning to work can be but even so.

Whisky2014 · 22/05/2019 19:55

How did you find out? I'd just message say you were busy and you messaged as soon as you saw and if it is true they are freezing you out then that's absolutely pathetic and something of playground antics

Lollypop701 · 22/05/2019 19:56

You

Ohtherewearethen · 22/05/2019 19:58

They are just looking for things to be annoyed about. Who on earth could be bothered when someone, supposedly a close friend, has just announced they are having a baby?! I'd leave things quiet for now, don't get involved, they've been truly appalling x

Mississippilessly · 22/05/2019 19:58

Oh my life. That's utterly pathetic of them.

Tell them you are sorry, but you were there for the conception so it was kind of old news to you. And then never reply again Grin

Lollypop701 · 22/05/2019 19:59

Sorry post too soon! I wouldn’t engage. They obviously live in a parallel universe without kids or lives. Do they know what you were in the midst of?

TheVanguardSix · 22/05/2019 20:01

Oh that's a hideous friendship group with impossible terms! What a spoilt brat your 'friend' is.

I am finding more and more (old fart alert here!) that young mums-to-be are sooo demanding of each other. It's not a race. When I had DC1, I had gotten my first proper mobile (Nokia brick days), so there wasn't this intense pressure on each other to jump up and perform the Best Friend/Only-Pregnant-Woman-In-The-World dance the moment the social whip cracked. There was no whip cracking!

You poor thing. I'll give you my words of wisdom... words I truly live by: Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

You need actual friends, not these phony dickheads.

mimibunz · 22/05/2019 20:02

I’d not respond and let it blow over. They’re being mean girls.

YouJustDoYou · 22/05/2019 20:05

Those aren't "friends".

Pipandmum · 22/05/2019 20:05

What kind of ‘friends’ are these people? Your whole background re work and kids is totally irrelevant. A lot of my friends turn their phones off at night so they wouldn’t have seen any message til the next day. Talk about immature and petty!
I’d send a Whatsapp message to the group saying ‘it’s nice to know I have supportive friends who understand that I have family and responsibilities and may not always be available 24/7. It’s nice that my present to congratulate my friend on her good news was appreciated. Thanks ladies, so happy you’ve all got my back’.
Or do you think they are so oblivious that they won’t get it?

Fatasfooook · 22/05/2019 20:07

Who needs enemies eh

LittleHaloToo · 22/05/2019 20:08

Wow, sounds like she needs a lot of validation from others. Ignore this juvenile behaviour.

Cariadne · 22/05/2019 20:09

You are NOT the problem - they are a bag of dicks. I’m so sorry Flowers

Summerorjustmaybe · 22/05/2019 20:10

Actually I think you should apologise to her for not thinking the whole world does indeed revolve around her...

myhamster · 22/05/2019 20:25

How long have you been friends with these women who are acting like 5yo's ? We don't all live with our phones in our hands and reply instantly to everything..........

Tell them to get off their phones and get a life and I hope you can find some more mature reasonably thinking, friends!

notlikelybyhalf · 22/05/2019 20:27

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who is a bit dumbfounded.

I feel like saying to them that I’m pissed off because not one of them contacted me to wish me luck going back to work Grin but obvs I know they have lives.

OP posts:
Harebel · 22/05/2019 20:36

They sound ridiculously childish.

That's tough going back to work after maternity leave. You're right you could get arsey with them for not checking in on you on your first day back! Honestly if it's not you it will be someone ease bearing the brunt of their faux outrage next.

I'd be angry at receiving a "got it" message not a thank you. Step back from them.

notlikelybyhalf · 22/05/2019 21:21

The more I think about it the more upset I am that I’m being ignored after running about like a headless chicken to drop presents off and not one asked me how I was getting on at work

OP posts:
Chinnychinnychinnychib · 22/05/2019 21:25

How many of them have dc?