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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really quite hurt

56 replies

notlikelybyhalf · 22/05/2019 19:49

I hope I explain this properly.

Last Monday I started back work after a year’s maternity leave. I’m back full time and both DDs are under school age. I worked two 9 hour shifts on Monday and Tuesday and was completely exhausted on the Tuesday night.

It was my friend’s birthday on the Tuesday I went back and I messaged her in the morning to say happy birthday etc.

Like I said I worked flat out on the first two days I was back to get myself in order and reacquaint myself with the role. On the Tuesday my elder daughter was involved in an accident in nursery and was pretty upset that night when I picked her up (nursery didn’t tell me at the time which is another story!) so I spent my night just chilling with her and DH after younger dd was in bed, making dinner and was crashed out by 8pm.

Woke up last Wednesday was off work but had a jam packed day. Noticed I had lots of WhatsApps on a group chat from the night before and looked at them at lunchtime.

Birthday girl had announced (while I was asleep) the night before that she was pregnant. As soon as I read it I congratulated her etc.

Took a small present and card round to her on Thursday after work and also a present for her DD’s communion. She wasn’t in but I left it in her porch and sent her a message.

Didn’t hear a word from her other than “got it”.

I’ve since found out that the girls I’m friendly with in the WhatsApp group (who I’ve known for years) are all pissed off that I didn’t message pregnant birthday girl until the next day and have frozen me out. Nor are they happy that I wasn’t effusive enough in my congratulations.

I’m so hurt. I had the busiest week last week starting back work and I’m being bitched about for not being quick enough to reply to a message.

I feel like telling them all to fuck off.

OP posts:
AntiHop · 22/05/2019 21:31

Yadnbu

Original poster
notlikelybyhalf · 22/05/2019 21:36

All but one have children which is the most galling thing

OP posts:
Original poster
notlikelybyhalf · 22/05/2019 21:36

I’m the only one with two kids

OP posts:
Millie2018 · 22/05/2019 21:49

Bitches! I hope the friendship doesn’t mean a lot to you, because it certainly doesn’t to them.

EnglishRose13 · 22/05/2019 22:12

My ex school friends would have treated me like this. They were 15/16 year old girls though, not grown women.

Tell them to fuck off then to keeping fucking off.

AndOutComeTheBoobs · 22/05/2019 22:19

The ones that froze you out - do they have kids and jobs and partners?

WaitingInTheBushesOfLove · 22/05/2019 22:26

You even got a gift? That's way more than what I would have done!
I would have just messaged saying congratulations etc sorry for late reply I just saw etc and would have left it at that! I would have been quite shocked if people were pissed off i didn't reply sooner let alone if i got a gift as well.

maybe that's why i don't have many friends

madeofstarlight · 22/05/2019 22:45

They're being ridiculous!! I'd be so annoyed.

NewPapaGuinea · 22/05/2019 22:54

I’d reply “forgive me for not jumping up screaming ‘elbows’, I expressed my congratulations outside of this WA group” and leave it at that.

Baddabo · 22/05/2019 22:58

Wow! I might understand if you read the messages, totally ignored them, didn't give her a present and didn't even bother to text back congratulations. But wow. Just wow!

So what if you didnt see the message until the following day?! You'd think your congratulations AND a gift would be more than enough!! How strange of them all.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 22/05/2019 23:00

Drop ‘em. Self centred and bitchy the lot of them!

ThinThighsPlease · 22/05/2019 23:01

Take your own advice, tell them all to fuck off and leave the WhatsApp group x

Dippypippy1980 · 22/05/2019 23:02

You need better friends

BlondeBumshelll · 22/05/2019 23:05

Oh what a bunch of bitches!! I'd text back....

'Sorry can one of you correct me if I've got this wrong but you lot have frozen me out of the group and are pissed off at me because Jane text her news WHILE I WAS ASLEEP and I didn't congratulate her until I read it as soon as I could the next day? Because that couldn't be right......could it?'

BlondeBumshelll · 22/05/2019 23:05

or.....just 'oh fuck off, you bunch of cunts'.

Either one should work ok.

ladymariner · 22/05/2019 23:11

Good message Blonde ....and yeah, definitely send the second one if they don't respond to the first!

Lizzie48 · 22/05/2019 23:11

What a bunch of mean girls, behaving like bullies in the playground. YADNBU and you need better friends. Flowers

Notnownotneverever · 22/05/2019 23:17

This is why adults shouldn’t be playing on WhatsApp groups.

Squigglesworth · 22/05/2019 23:18

Honestly, I don't see that it matters whether they have kids, partners, jobs, etc. None of that matters. None of it is necessary for them to be understanding, reasonable, and a little less self-centered.

They knew you were busy getting back into the swing of work. They could see that you hadn't read the messages yet (and replied as soon as you did). The pathetic response to your gift is amazingly immature and petty.

Only you know if this is one-time (albeit horrible) behaviour on their parts or if it's just the latest in a pattern. If they're usually worthwhile, I'd either try to forget (as much as possible) and move past it or discuss it with them openly. Tell them that you're hurt and explain why. Clear the air. Their response will tell you whether or not they deserve your continued friendship.

If you decide they're not worth it, I'd either tell them I'm done or just cool the friendships-- engage as and when I wanted, without making them a priority. And if they ever asked, I'd tell them exactly why I'd decided to focus on the other people in my life.

joebtfsplks · 22/05/2019 23:23

FFS I'm sick of this culture where we are all expected to be super responsive and online all the time. You were offline spending time with your family. If it was WhatsApp, they will be able to see when you read the message and that you responded when you saw it! AND then you dropped a gift over. Your friend responding "got it" is rude. Please rise above this group of children

Loopy3585 · 22/05/2019 23:25

I would just leave the what’s app group if they want to behave that way let them but don’t let them draw you into it. If they ask why you left just say you will not be put in a position when you are ganged up on by people who should be behaving like adults

Emmapeeler · 22/05/2019 23:38

OP they are being ridiculous!

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 22/05/2019 23:50

Honestly? Tell them!! You will feel so much better! I used to hate speaking my mind but once I started, its liberating! Tell them exactly what you think of their behaviour, what they going to do? Freeze you out some more?! You've got nothing to lose the childish cows!

GabsAlot · 22/05/2019 23:52

Even if you dont have all that going on their BU-What are they 12?

Catren · 23/05/2019 00:22

I second squigglesworths great advice. Rubbish behaviour on their part, and ungrateful of your "friend" after you went out and bought and delivered gifts. You definitely didn't do anything wrong, yanbu