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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you paid for your wedding?

223 replies

Picklemuncher123 · 22/05/2019 19:40

Fiance proposed to me last August and the aim is to save as much as possible to afford a decent wedding. But it's proving difficult at the moment as other financial emergencies seem to be cropping up.

Did you fund your wedding your selves ? Get a loan ? Parents or family help? How much did it cost in total and can I still have a lovely( by no means big ) wedding on a budget ? Thanks :)

OP posts:
Corndog · 24/05/2019 08:26

My parents paid for ours. No idea of the cost but it was a big traditional wedding. We've set aside £20k for each of our children's weddings, and they can choose how they spend it.

ineedaholidaynow · 24/05/2019 08:35

Corn did your parents organise it too? How did you not know how much it cost? What happens if your children don't get married do they still get £20k, what happens if they elope do they still get the £20k?

I must admit I do wince a bit when I see people paying £70k for what is essentially a big party, I struggle to work out what you get for that sort of money. I also wonder what people think if they did spend that sort of money (or their parents did) and they subsequently get divorced.

You should never get into debt for a wedding, I know someone who was still paying it off years after they got divorced.

If I had to choose and we had spare cash, I would rather help DS with a deposit for a house rather than a wedding.

ferretface · 24/05/2019 08:39

About 20k. Between them our parents paid £12k (not equal shares), we saved to pay for the rest

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 24/05/2019 09:37

@PBobs I didn't say it was depressing - it was me that was quoted Smile

I feel a bit bad for DP because I'm orphaned so my parents won't contribute, and I don't have much surviving family - I'd be surprised if anyone attended, let alone contributed. I don't feel they should, and I will pay for it with DP, but I suspect his parents will offer at least and I wish I could "equal" that.

Corndog · 24/05/2019 16:53

Ineedaholiday yes to be honest my parents did organise most of it! I chose the dress, bridesmaids' dresses, flowers etc, but my parents picked up the tab. They sorted a venue and meal etc. It was 35 years ago. My children get the £20k for the purpose of getting married. One of them did elope (we did know beforehand). and they had the money which they spent on the wedding, honeymoon and house stuff.

stayathomer · 24/05/2019 16:59

25k euro. Amazing but I shudder now that we did that, we should have gone smaller. We tacked it onto our student loan ( got married quickly as my dad was dying) and paid for it for years and years!!! Congrats OP!Smile

dottiedodah · 24/05/2019 17:35

We had a lovely wedding and only paid for the car(hubby) and flowers (me).My parents paid for everything ,photographer ,church reception.And my Nan paid for my wedding dress .This was a while ago though .Nothing like 50k! .All weddings are special whatever you spend!

Starwanderers · 24/05/2019 17:43

IL's gave us £5k and we paid the rest after saving. Had 40 guests. Total was £11k inc honeymoon.

francienolan · 24/05/2019 21:57

For immigration purposes, when we were engaged he lived alone in a flat and I lived with my parents, so I didn't have rent and he did. My mom and I planned most of the wedding together so we opened a joint account at our bank and I put half my pay into it every payday. She topped it up with some money, and the inlaws gave us some as well. I estimate that I paid for about half myself. Obviously having no rent was a huge advantage when it came to saving though!

Belladoodle · 24/05/2019 22:07

Ours will be about 50k. Mostly because my husband to be has made some very shrewd (lucky) decisions with his career. We can afford it without debt, own our home etc. Neither family have any interest in us or any interest in paying a penny, even though they could afford to. Hurts a bit but at least we have the final say on all decisions! Mostly, I’m excited to be married

Mummyshark2019 · 24/05/2019 22:15

Ours was in the region of £30k. We paid for it ourselves. Saved and saved! In hindsight, as beautiful as the day was, if I had my time again, I would have done a small affair abroad. Just us and parents.

ineedaholidaynow · 25/05/2019 01:17

Bella if you have a spare £50k to pay for a wedding why would you expect parents to contribute?

Sofasurfingsally · 01/06/2019 12:37

With great ease, as we didn't spend much money. We had a dress, a ring, a registry office, a meal for a smaller number and then a house party. We honeymooned in the UK.

barryfromclareisfit · 01/06/2019 12:44

My parents paid for mine. I had little ‘say’, it felt like someone else’s party.

I paid for my daughter’s. I had little ‘say’, it felt like someone else’s party.

I learned that at a top hotel you can get a better deal than at cheaper places. Also, decide what really matters to you and focus on that. Daughter really cared about flowers, so we spent more on those than anything else.

If I ever marry again it will be quietly, registry office, maybe a nice lunch afterwards, with a very small group of family and friends.

MrsPerfect12 · 01/06/2019 12:56

Paid 25k just for wedding. Paid by myself and DH, money offered to us from both parents and we refused very gratefully as we could afford it ourselves and didn't want the interference.

100percentplease · 01/06/2019 12:59

My parents have kindly offered to pay for ours but it’s quite a ‘cheap’ wedding I think - about £5/6k with only 10 people.

Ariela · 01/06/2019 13:14

My Dad insisted on paying for the wine, but we paid for everything ourselves. No point starting married life in debt. A wedding does NOT have to cost a fortune to be memorable.

LouiseMiltonSpatula · 01/06/2019 13:51

I must admit I do wince a bit when I see people paying £70k for what is essentially a big party, I struggle to work out what you get for that sort of money. I also wonder what people think if they did spend that sort of money (or their parents did) and they subsequently get divorced.

While I understand where you’re coming from, it all depends on circumstances. Spending £70k on a wedding is mad if it means getting into debt, decimating savings or not buying a house. But if the people paying for it are millionaires, it’s more understandable. I bet most people could find a way of spending £70k on a wedding if they had the funds freely available to them!

On the other hand, I’ve been to weddings of budgets from £3,000 to £100,000 and they’ve all been lovely, unique and fun in their own ways so I fully do not believe that you have to spend a fortune to have a beautiful wedding. But if you happen to have a fortune to spend, I can see why you would.

RacheyCat · 01/06/2019 14:11

My dad paid for my wedding, and it cost about 1K in 2009. We had twelve people at the register office, and then off to a 5* hotel for lunch, drinks, and to stay the night. I worked on Ladies Wear at House of Fraser at the time, and I used to spend quiet times trying on different dresses that we had for sale. Eventually I chose a Ted Baker dress, and the concession manager gave it to me out of her uniform allowance. So kind!

My dad would have paid up to 40K, but I wouldn't never have dreamed of asking for that. It's great that other people have big weddings, I guess, but for me, spending that kind of money is wasteful, and I certainly wouldn't have been able to watch my lovely dad pay.

Kisskiss · 01/06/2019 15:54

@belladoodle if you can afford it yourself why would you expect your parents to pay? I’m sure they’ll give you a nice gift etc.

We paid for our own wedding (both in mid 30s) so had savings and would have felt embarrassed to see our pensioner parents forking out for our wedding, this would only make sense when the couple is young and can’t really afford it on their own!

BlackPrism · 01/06/2019 16:23

I'm not married yet but my dad has put aside £15k for me and £15k for my sister to find our weddings. So I guess I'll use that.

BlackPrism · 01/06/2019 16:24

Fund*

HotChocolateLover · 01/06/2019 16:27

We paid approx a third, with my mum and DH mum paying approx 1 third each also. We cut back on things for our third such as phone contracts and nights out, also had a small second job which we did from home as internet psychics.

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