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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you paid for your wedding?

223 replies

Picklemuncher123 · 22/05/2019 19:40

Fiance proposed to me last August and the aim is to save as much as possible to afford a decent wedding. But it's proving difficult at the moment as other financial emergencies seem to be cropping up.

Did you fund your wedding your selves ? Get a loan ? Parents or family help? How much did it cost in total and can I still have a lovely( by no means big ) wedding on a budget ? Thanks :)

OP posts:
CannoninD · 22/05/2019 21:11

So DP and I get married in a few weeks.

It’s cost about £28k all in (including a £5k honeymoon).

Parents have contributed about £5k each and we’ve paid the rest (we earn well and live pretty minimally outside this event- saved it in about 8 months).

Tbh I really struggled planning a wedding. Initially wanted to elope just the two of us, then due to family illness that started to feel wrong.

You DO NOT have to spend a lot to have a lovely wedding...but you have to set your expectations.

We live in a pricey area and touring venues we realised we wanted a stately home- beautiful and private- a sit down traditional meal and giant urns filled with flowers- very much a downtown abbey style wedding. You can’t get that (locally to us) for a ‘cheap’ price. It doesn’t exist- I looked forever.

However, if you hire an alternative venue (bars, event spaces, old churches...etc) and go for a hog roast/buffet/food truck. DIY it and rope in friends/family it can be amazing at a very reasonable price.

🤔 The thing I hate about MN is the ‘expensive wedding stigma’ at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what you spend on your day or how you fund it- all that matters is you enjoy it and you’re happy with your choices!

HappyDappy3 · 22/05/2019 21:14

My dad paid half and I paid half from my savings. It was many years ago and DH still doesn’t know how much everything cost. He paid for our 2 honeymoons.

PIL offered precisely zero pounds (despite being very very wealthy). I was happy with that though, as they’re awful and I didn’t feel any obligation to involve them in the planning 😆 They paid for half of BIL’s wedding and caused no end of issues and interference for SIL!!

RottnestFerry · 22/05/2019 21:17

Our reception was A DIY affair in a relative's garden and we paid the bills. Both sides of the family contributed in kind, not cash. The dress was off the sale rail and extensively altered to fit perfectly (by my mum). Our combined families are quite large so to afford to get everybody there plus friends we cut out all the non-essential (to us) typical wedding crap like chair covers, hired suits, favours etc., and focussed on throwing a party. The format was flexible enough to cope, without embarrassment, the extra people that turned up to wish us well.

We didn't ask for gifts. We didn't need any.

Youmadorwhat · 22/05/2019 21:19

My DM paid for my dress, 1.5k
One of My bridesmaids paid for my hairpiece.
PIL gave 3k
My DP’s also gave 2.5k
My uncle did photography as a gift
SIL made the cake as a gift
I did my own flowers, invites and favors
MIL did buttonholes
Bridesmaids dresses I bought in coast and got an online discount code for them
DH and groomsmen all had a chat and realized they all had grey suits already so we just bought ties for them all to look the part.
Hotel did table flowers and ceremony too. We also paid for exclusivity in the hotel.
The bill from the hotel was just under 8k (which I think was AMAZING for the standard we received) whenever I tell ppl they don’t believe me. So we paid the balance of approx 2.5k and the wedding singer which was 1k.BEST DAY EVER 💕

Lyricallie · 22/05/2019 21:21

I'm getting married next year ours is coming in at about 20k and we're paying for it ourselves except my dress which my mum bought and I think fiance's present is putting a bit in but we're not planning as if they are. We're both on about 37k with no kids and minimal bills. Church wedding with 100 guests.

Shazafied · 22/05/2019 21:25

Mine was £500 including outfits and rings ! Register office, a few friends out for lunch and drinks.

Honeymoon another £500 (not including spending money) - 5 nights in cottage in south of Spain.

It was fab , no saving no debt no stress.

elQuintoConyo · 22/05/2019 21:26

50 people 9 years ago. Town hall (ours is very glam, baroque) then lunch. Non-traditional dress, homemade bouquet and boutonnieres. No bridsmaids. No favours. No matching stuff. Beautiful place for lunch, great food. Honeymoon plus wedding was 4k in all, we paid all of it ourselves.

I have never expected my parents to pay or contribute. DH is the third of 6 kids, his parents are not in the position to contribute to anyone's wedding.third

It was a wonderful day and I'd love to do it all over again!

Pomfluff · 22/05/2019 21:28

40K total and we paid it ourselves (20K each). We’re both self-employed and it was money from our savings. That was a good trade-off for not having parents interfere with the wedding or wanting to invite their own guests :P! We got about 5K back in cash gifts.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 22/05/2019 21:29

We saved it took us 6 years, to have our dream wedding.

We also wanted to wait until we were both qualified in our fields.

cuppycakey · 22/05/2019 21:30

Like many PP, paid for it all ourselves and it cost around £1700.

We were saving for a house deposit and wanted to start a family so splashing out loads of cash or getting into debt for a big party was of no interest to either of us. We just wanted to be married.

I consider people who get into debt for a wedding to be very odd.

WeArnottamused · 22/05/2019 21:30

Less than £500, including wedding rings, dress over 20+ years ago, we had very small wedding, parents & a couple of close friends, paid for it ourselves.

happymummy12345 · 22/05/2019 21:32

We paid for the whole wedding ourselves, from dh's wages and my student loan (I was a student at the time). We didn't save at all, we had a 3 month engagement and got married on the date we'd been together for 11 months. And we had a baby on the way as well.
But we wouldn't even have dreamed of asking anyone else to pay for it. It cost about 3 and a half grand, £1650 of that being my dress veil and alterations. But it was perfect

Alicesweewonders · 22/05/2019 21:33

Moved with the parents for 2 years & saved for our wedding & house deposit. Our whole wedding cost £6000 for 80 people, we bought the wedding package on Groupon it was brilliant.

Langrish · 22/05/2019 21:34

We paid for our wedding, reception and honeymoon ourselves. Never occurred to us that anyone else would/should.
Would expect our children to do the same.

Isth · 22/05/2019 21:40

We got engaged in November, and we’re getting married in 9 weeks (!!!) and it’s costing us about £15k not including honeymoon. That’s for a marquee a home, 90 day guests and a further 320 evening guests, full catered three course meal during the day and pasties for the evening, live band, big white dress, three bridesmaids, five groomsmen, two flower girls, three page boys etc. The full works basically!
My in laws have put in £5k, my mum put in £2k (dress plus some extras) and we’re paying the remaining £8k. We had about £2k in savings (which we were happy to put to this particular expense) when we started so the rest has just been as and when taken out of our current accounts. We didn’t expect a penny but appreciate we’ve been very lucky and our parents have been so generous!
It is an awful lot of money but it’s something we both really want, and something we can afford, so why not?

hen10 · 22/05/2019 21:41

We got a loan for £1,500 to buy everything except the pub reception that my parents paid for. This was 20 years ago. We had a week in a UK cottage for honeymoon. It was out of season so cheaper. My aunt made the cake and my friend made bridesmaid dresses. The most expensive thing was the photographer. It was a lovely day - but it was just a day. No need to spend masses IMO.

Ellieboolou27 · 22/05/2019 21:42

Parents brought dress £1200 and put a few £1000's behind the bar, we paid the rest which was about 5k, did / still do have best mate who's a professional photographer and a professional baker in our family Smile

hen10 · 22/05/2019 21:44

That said, if we had had masses of disposable income, we'd have spent it, I expect. Cheaper isn't better either, but there's no need to get into stressful debt.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/05/2019 21:46

We paid for it ourselves, I wouldn't have taken money from family or a loan. It's essentially a big party bar the vows. We preferred to save larger spending on a house deposit.

cookiemonster3 · 22/05/2019 21:50

We paid for everything ourselves. We figured out what we wanted, priced it up roughly, and worked out a weekly amount. Once deposits were paid, very pay day we took out in cash what we had budgeted plus overtime and kept it in cash. Then once we had enough to pay off one item (invites or band etc) we paid that off then started towards the next item.

We factored in a few extra weeks too so that if the car needed a new tire or the washing machine went we could afford it without struggling.

We actually managed so well we had enough time/money left over we booked a weeks cruise in the med for honeymoon.

Chocolate35 · 22/05/2019 21:55

Mine was £30,00 5 years ago and was split between both sets of parents and us. We didn’t set a budget and just all paid for different things, it was actually really touching when my parents paid for my dress knowing full well I would never have expected them to. Tbh although it’s a ridiculous amount of money I don’t regret it at all. It was perfect for us and I will treasure those memories forever.
My best friend recently had a small wedding in a section of a pub and it was absolutely beautiful, one of my favourite weddings ever.
It’s not about the money spent, it’s about what matters to you.

Greenkit · 22/05/2019 21:58

Ours cost £1500

We went away got married, came back threw a party

Greenkit · 22/05/2019 21:59

Chocolate35 was that £30.00, £3,000 or 30,000?

highheelsandbobblehats · 22/05/2019 22:03

My mother paid for the flowers, my dad and step mum paid for the photographer. The car belonged to a friend and he did it for free. The cake was made by very good friends of ours, also at no charge.
We paid for the rest ourselves. I had three jobs and my husband worked a lot of overtime. It came in around £12,000 in the end. This includes a night at a VERY nice hotel that I've never had any reason to stay at (living so locally), which was £500 just on its own. It was a huge extravagance that I have no regrets about. This was 10 years ago.

I loved our wedding. It was perfect for us. If we did it now though, we're at a different point in our lives and we'd just go abroad for a few nights and come back married. Wouldn't take the DC. Just don't feel the need for the fuss.

Never mind the money, or the glossy bridal magazines. What is it that you want?

highheelsandbobblehats · 22/05/2019 22:09

Also want to note that those that contributed to our wedding did so as their wedding gift to us.
I asked both sets of friends if they would drive me/make the cake and we asked them how much they'd charge, and neither would accept any money

We're so glad we didn't take out loans. When my husband paid the DJ on the night, we were then completely up to date with our payments. Friends of ours married six weeks later and it was all funded by a huge loan that they've only just paid off.

We paid by finding out exactly what everything cost and then chipping away at it piecemeal. I used to go down to the venue in person once a week and pay them a portion of my wages as I got paid (paid weekly back then).

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