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AIBU?

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Original poster

Talk me out of buying this house!

301 replies

RainbowMe · 21/05/2019 10:41

The husband and I have spent the last five years making our house a home, and we've just got it exactly how we want it. We decided the time was also right to start trying for a baby, and are currently in our second two week wait so far. All being well, the plan is for me to give up work and be a stay at home Mum for a good few years before going back to work and possibly thinking about buying a bigger house.

Everything was ticking along nicely, but then... a house came up for sale that I have dreamed of living in since I was a little girl! I told my husband expecting (hoping) that he would tell me not to be silly etc, but he is now more excited about it than I am Shock

There are many reasons we should not buy this house...

The biggest one is that it would add 80k into the mortgage. It would stretch us to the absolute limit of what we'd be allowed to borrow and would take the stay at home Mum idea completely off the table.

It has no central heating or mains sewage (storage heaters and a log burner; septic tank). I know these things wouldn't be a big deal to many people, but we'd have no money left to get the heating done and the septic tank would worry me (I am a huge worrier).

The house itself is no bigger or nicer than our current one (both smallish three bed houses of around 1000 square feet). Our house has useful things like a garage and a downstairs loo which this one doesn't.

But this one is in a really special location and is very unique for our area. The garden is like a park and there are no neighbours for about 2 miles in either direction (my absolute dream). It kind of feels like a once in a lifetime opportunity. I know there are other rural properties like it, but very few in my "patch". We already live in a very nice village down the road and I know we are very lucky to have what we've got, but it's not the peaceful rural life I dream of. I know this makes me sound like a spoilt brat and is a nice "first world problem" to have. But I just couldn't sleep last night thinking about this house, and now I can't concentrate on my work either Blush

Someone tell me to stop being silly!

OP posts:
Missingstreetlife · 22/05/2019 17:55

Child care costs?

BlueJava · 22/05/2019 18:05

Go for it! Just fit a downstairs loo when you have saved up for the heating!

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 22/05/2019 18:09

After investing in this thread for 10 pages with no link, this dream house had better be worth the wait, I’m expecting this at the very least OP, don’t let me down.

Talk me out of buying this house!
elephantmarch · 22/05/2019 18:13

Take a look at schools too, to check you’ll be in catchment for one. It might not be a problem in your area but it’s a good thing to think ahead too

I “fell” for a house with character that i still think about 6 years later and we took the practical option instead but it’s awful. We don’t enjoy coming home to it but it’s functional. So I can definitely understand your quandary

Nearly47 · 22/05/2019 18:15

So you are having a baby and taking a massive project at the same timeHmm
Not a good idea. But if you can afford to have the house done while you are living somewhere else it is feasible. Otherwise return to reality. You can find another lovely country house down the line that won't need such amount of work.

Theoldwrinkley · 22/05/2019 18:16

I don’t think I’m going to be very helpful. Go for it. Our current house we couldn’t afford back in 1990 when we bought it. Good-old-Mum came up trumps with a loan of £10000 to enable us to buy it, on condition that if she ever needed ‘care’ it was a bungalow and so easy access for her if she required help. Unfortunately she died after we’d been in the house 2 years, but she did require care in her last few months, and so (obviously) we kept our side of the bargain.
We absolutely love it, now. But when we bought it it needed a new roof, new walls (it was a wooden structure and was past its 25 year probable life span), New windows. Had we realised quite how much we’d spend on it in such a (relatively) short time we’d have knocked it down and started again. Is the property lived in? If so, then obviously the cons are tolerable or able to be overcome. Open fires. Cosy nights. Children etc were brought (still are brought up) in houses with minimal heating and a sespit. Also children would be more environmentally aware, if that’s your bag!
If you don’t go for it now, you’ll always regret it.
Sorry. Not much discouragement. But my thoughts, for what they are worth!

Peregrane · 22/05/2019 18:17

Go for it! But oil, wood and coal heating?... You might want to consider installing solar panels. You might even find some “green loans” and they pay for themselves even in the UK climate. And even in conventional terms... let alone there still being life on the planet when you are older and have a child.
The space is also a plus for lots of reasons. There are only 30 to 70 years of good harvests left, depending on location, due to modern agriculture destroying topsoil, and that does not even account for climate destruction. You might be thankful one day for the ability to grow your own.

Jogonandshutup · 22/05/2019 18:21

DO IT!!!! Sounds wonderful...

ShinyMe · 22/05/2019 18:22

Like a few others have mentioned, I was a baby in a house like this and grew up in it. When I was born my parents had an outside toilet, no mains water, no heating apart from coal fires. We coped. When I was about 5 they got mains water and an indoor loo (downstairs) and a septic tank. They didn't get central heating til I was about 14. I had a lovely childhood and my parents still live there and it's not perfect, but it's lovely.

Also, my parents septic tank has never had to be emptied and that's in over 40 years.

Jogonandshutup · 22/05/2019 18:23

Picture? PLEASE 😬

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 22/05/2019 18:24

Ok well at least view the house first before going any further.

Having no neighbours for 2 miles sounds blissful but beware of 'the grass isn't any greener on the other side of the fence' so to speak.
It's taking a big risk especially if you will stretch yourselves to do it and the baby can be taken out of the equation for now if it took a long time for your parents to conceive you, but as much as it was your dream when you were younger it's a big gamble especially cost wise and if you don't do it you'll be left with the what ifs but then if you do do it then you might wish you never did and could turn back the clock so it is tricky.

At least look at it first and then consider it seriously after weighing up the pros and cons.

Good luck! Smile

TigerTooth · 22/05/2019 18:25

Go for it - you’ll manage - people always do. If you’re going to be a sham and you have spare rooms you could look into emergency fostering for extra income and give a needy child some freedom in that fab garden. You can also foster babies to fit in with lifestyle when yours arrives. It can short ir long term and really rewarding.

TooManyPaws · 22/05/2019 18:26

I'm in a cottage about a mile outside of the village. I've got a Victorian brick septic tank which gets emptied every three years though a lot of people round here never bother. I have a gas hob on the range which runs on LPG. We used to have LPG heating but when that broke (the fitters used plastic piping under the floor which got holed by mice) we live quite happily with the wood burner, electric shower, and hot water bottles. I'm looking to get a air pump heating system soon to link into the solar panels for hot water.

Judging by the number of teenagers who walk up this road, walking a couple of miles to a friend's house is not a big deal - they even walk for fun and conversations! 😅 You see them waiting at road ends during the week for the school transport to collect them.

I grew up in Aberdeenshire and it never bothered us to have to walk literally miles. While we had mains sewage in the village, we still had to plan for power cuts - the reason why I will always have an alternative source of heating and cooking.

Angelil · 22/05/2019 18:47

I hope the viewing helps to clarify things for you.

As others have pointed out...
Do you enjoy gardening enough to maintain the land that this house has? Or, alternatively, if not, would you have the spare cash to pay someone to maintain it for you?
(This what I always think when I see houses with big gardens.)

Plus...don't know if anyone else has mentioned it yet, but...
you may change your mind about being a SAHM once your baby is here. Would the prospect of going back to work make a difference (as it would perhaps increase your chances of having the dream house) - or, as others have mentioned, would childcare costs eat too much into your salary?

FelicisNox · 22/05/2019 18:50

I say go for the house but don't get pregnant until you've sorted the central heating out!

Sara107 · 22/05/2019 19:00

You are the only one who can make the decision. Seriously though, whatever the pros and cons, no downstairs loo is NOT roughing it! Multiple loos per house is a recent thing unless you lived in a mansion. We’ve managed to raise a child with a bladder problem for 9 years with only an upstairs loo. The large garden can be allowed run wild, with a bit of knowledge and planning you can end up with a lovely, peaceful wild life haven not an unkempt mess. Septic tank is fine, check it complies with regulations though. Central heating would be a must for me though!!

Sparkerparker · 22/05/2019 19:01

Buy it. It may be a money pit but it will fill your heart. Which is more important IMO.
Good luck 😉

Loreleigh · 22/05/2019 19:10

No neighbours for 2 miles - sold! lol, not helpful I know but I dream of no neighbours and would put up with a lot of negatives for this one big positive. Good luck whatever you decide to do property-wise and I wish you both well in your baby-making :)

Grinchly · 22/05/2019 19:15

Plaice mat king...Grin

I've always been perhaps overly conservative with money and property- so always compromised, but as I have always been self financing, probably sensible in the long run.

Now in middle age, I would like to look for the dream home, but the time isn't right at the moment, and as others have mentioned, Brexit concerns me also.

I now see younger people making what seem to be massive financial commitments I would never have dared take on- but I am wrinkly enough to remember interest rates of 15%...

formerbrosfan · 22/05/2019 19:16

Do it, every time we have upgraded, stretched and thought we might live on beans in toast for the rest of our lives, we have managed it. Don’t give up the dream, life is too short to be sensible. Life has a way of making sure we get what we need when we need it and if you don’t go for it you will never know!! If it’s meant to be yours it will be. Good luck x

Grinchly · 22/05/2019 19:19

The no neighbours thing would be a massive plus for me too.

I lived in a house with storage heaters and a wood burner as not on mains gas for nearly ten years - with a long commute thrown in- it was fine, but a bit of a pain if I am honest. Glorious in summer, a hard slog in winter ( Pennines)

And that was without ankle biters.

Yb23487643 · 22/05/2019 19:20

Go for it. Baby plans can often take a lot longer than you think & you might have more disposable income if you don’t get pregnant straight away

Yb23487643 · 22/05/2019 19:21

Babies don’t cost a lot really & there’s part time work

SleepDeprived2018 · 22/05/2019 19:23

Ive got an 8 month old and before she was born i thought i would want to go back to work but now shes here i would love to be a sahm - had you asked me pre baby i would say dream house but now i say stay where you are x good luck x

Grinchly · 22/05/2019 19:23

I think also you are very sensible to consider mental resilience.

I am a bit of a worrier too, and like you, even cosmetic changes I find stressful.

As someone else pointed out though, being a s a h m is as much a serious financial decision as stretching yourself to the max financially. You absolutely must have a Plan B if you go down that road.