To think that a good person can have an affair?

[Turtle89]

Can an inherently good person in a reasonable marriage fall in love with someone else and still be the same good person? What if they never told the OM how they felt? What if they kissed just the once? Can they still be a good person? What if it goes further? Where’s the line that turns a good person into a bad person? Or is it not that black and white?

FWIW I haven’t had an affair. I consider myself to be a good person but I’m wondering if my personality and self identity would change if I told OM how I feel about him or if I kissed him. Or more.

Everyone can have thoughts about these things, it's your actions that count (though obviously if you thought about screwing other men all the time this would affect your behaviour towards your husband and you should look at why you feel that way!)

I personally think cheating is wrong because of the dishonesty aspect. If people don't want to remain faithful then they should seek out different types of relationships or end things if they are currently in a non-open relationship. Because all the lying and so on is wrong IMO and I don't think anyone wants to be on the receiving end of that.

I know some people disagree with me though, I have had people say to me 'everyone cheats, it's natural' and so on but I don't actually think that's true, it seems like some people think it's OK and are trying to rationalise.

Oh and to answer the other bit of your OP, I wouldn't call someone a 'bad person' if they did this but I would consider the action wrong because it's dishonest (obviously if the person has an agreement with their DP that affairs with others etc. are OK then that's fine but that's a totally different scenario).

I don't believe in cheating. I don't think affairs are ok. It says a lot about someone's morals. It's just not ok, in my book, in any way. At all.

Dh and I have similar views. I will never ever cheat on him. If I didn't want to be with him I'd leave him. I've never cheated on anyone. It's not my style.

Yes even good people can do shitty things sometimes. However that doesn't make the shitty thing they did not shitty. I do think good people strive not to do shitty, selfish things like give in to temptation with other people they have a crush on.