To ask how you manage two DCs in different primaries

[drspouse]

We have a 7 yo DS and a nearly 5 yo DD.
They currently go to the same school 5 minutes walk from our house.
DS has SEN and school are basically insisting he leaves.
Originally they were saying he needed a special school and he never had any hope of returning to mainstream. While we have never believed this, they are now saying (which was our thought anyway) that a small mainstream school might suit him.
We both work part time specifically so the DCs don't have to be in after school club every day. DS wouldn't cope, and DD is still very young, has a few additional needs too, and gets so little attention as it is with DS' needs.
How do you manage two school pick ups?
We can't move DD to the same school (various reasons including that she would be in the same class at some) and putting her in after school club every day till 6 when we need 20 mins of care is expensive and pointless. She'd get even less mummy and daddy time also.
DS is unlikely to cope with after school club every day (and not all the schools have it anyway).
Drop off will be OK as DD will manage breakfast club (whether DS will manage dropping her off at his much loved school with his much loved wrap around carers and not being able to go is another matter).

Anyone?
This is probably fruitless but has anyone had any success with arranging a late pick up for one DC?

I had 2 children at different schools for a few weeks and had the nanny dropping one off and my oldest dropping the other (her secondary was attached to her sister primary) . It's a 2 people job. Eventually my son got a space at the same school and things got easier

I don't have any words of wisdom but just wanted to send some virtual support, that sounds like shit! Can they actually insist he leaves? I am no longer in the UK so am not up to date with the current system but I didn't think a school could do that.

Is this a state primary? They can’t force you out, you realise that? They can’t demand your child leaves due to his additional needs. Occasionally a school may suggest a better setting but this is usually due to a physical need such as another school being flatter and the original school having stairs.

Don’t take him out until you have taken advice on this. Does he have an EHCP? What does that say?

Is there a childminder at current school that would pick up dd for you? That's your best option..
Otherwise 20 mins at after school club does not seem a bad option, at least the school has one! Although ours charges till 6pm regardless of how much tune they spend there so it's not a cheap option for 20 mins. There is no option for 'late Puck up' other than after school club at our school. Teachers have meetings or are goi g to get their own kids ditto other school staff that's why they have the club.

You'll need to find some kind of after school care/ whether that be a child minder for half an hour or the after school club. I don't see any way round that unfortunately- maybe a child minder would be your cheaper option?

I don’t think you should disregard your DS’ school’s advice outright. I know you want him to stay in mainstream but SEN schools often offer far more support and may even be able to offer access to life skills training that a mainstream school wouldn’t even know about.

Have you contacted a special needs school or arranged open days? Often they will arrange transport and just the bus / coach ride will help him feel more independant. Maybe I’m biased but I know people with kids who have Aspergers — the ones who were left to struggle even in tiny mainstream schools nearly all have very severe anxiety as adults now; and can’t lead independant lives. The ones that went to SEN schools have part time jobs, mainly living independantly etc.

Can they actually insist he leaves?
He now has an EHCP and the current school is named on it, as is 1:1 support (which he already has).
They cannot actually insist he leaves, but unless something major changes (rearranging school, new SENCO) they are making it plain they don't think they can support him. Meaning they are not motivated to support him.

The main issue we see is that they just keep doing the same thing that isn't working, until there's a crisis, when they throw up their hands and say "we are SO GOOD at SEN that it must be that your DS can't cope in mainstream at all".

So we've no real guarantee that won't happen again.
Also, he does not have aggressive behaviour at school beyond a couple of incidents of spitting/pushing (as in 2-3 in 2 years) but sometimes in difficult circumstances he can. So we are worried they will push him to be aggressive and exclude him. They have already talked about a PRU.

20 minutes would, indeed, be the same price as till 6pm for DD.
I'm inclined to ask current school if they will be paying for her breakfast club and after school club every day.

We are unlikely to be able to get a nanny for DS as he is harder to handle at home.

I wonder if a CM would also charge for the full after school session, to be honest by the time a CM had picked up all her school kids including DD and we'd driven home from another school, the CM would be walking past our house/just arriving at hers in the car. It would be a case of a CM for a journey home rather than any actual care.

You might be able to get a retired / older nanny to do just pick ups and drop offs. But they would need to do both to make it worth their while.

Teddy we've looked at all the possible special schools (4 in total). They are not the right schools for him - one of them might be good for him in the future but he'd be the youngest in the school and he is quite immature (and as it's an SEMH school many of the children are mature beyond their years). He plays well with (and is protective of) younger children and doesn't make friends with older or more mature children (he's a little afraid of them I think).
So there isn't a school for him that's a good fit. The other possible ones (and yes, we've looked at independents, we've looked at LEA, and we've enquired about a couple that wouldn't be in any way suitable) are so outside his needs that we couldn't consider them.
In fact they are mainly saying "why on earth are you asking us, this is not the right school for your child".

Your poor DS. Can you arrange for a private assessment/diagnosis so you are in complete possession of the facts? It may well be that he will be happier and thrive better outside of mainstream but you need to be sure this really is the case rather than just a case of the school wanting ‘rid’ of your son.
Extensive cuts to services mean that very few children will meet the criteria for a MLD state school. Moving to a smaller mainstream school may not be the answer and in fact may be damaging as they have smaller budgets, less staff etc so perhaps less able to meet your DS’s needs. Your first step is a thorough assessment so you know what you’re dealing with in terms of your DS’s long term educational capabilities. Good luck

We've had all that, we can see from the other assessments (bit complicated but we have lots of information) and what he's managing for homework that he's perfectly capable of mainstream and, as the school are now finally saying, could manage one if it was the right one. They change their minds every 5 minutes anyway about what he needs so we've stopped listening to them.

He doesn't have an MLD.

After a bit more research, one of the options is much more awkward than I could possibly imagine! It has no after school club (on its website it advertises 2 local after school clubs at other schools - what good is that?) and not a single childminder picks up from it (a local FB vacancies group has crickets after every enquiry for this school).
I think if we did end up going for that school we'd have to find a nanny (DH and I between us can't finish at 3 every day - we do have to have some days when we both work till 5-ish).

So that would be nanny for DS plus CM and after school/breakfast for DD (because just like us, the nanny couldn't pick up DD at the same time as picking up DS).

This is a nightmare...

If the school aren't fulfilling his EHCP can't you take action against them?

you need a childminder who picks up from one of the schools. They pick up your child and take them home, and you pick up form there 15 minutes later.

You might easily find someone who would be willing to do that paid if you advertise (another parent)

However, due to both children having some additional needs, you probably want to be there for pick up to hear what teacher says?

I currently have 5 children spread over 3 schools. Come September it will be 4 schools. The schools will have to hold the children until I get there as they know that’s just how it’s going to be. It helps I can drive but that’s by the by.

as for drop off.
You may be able to juggle depending on the schools and how far apart.

eg, our school starts officially at 8:40, but can drop off at 8:30, and they go in. But another local school officially starts at 8:50, so drop earlier one at 8:30 and then race round to next school for 8;50.
Not ideal, but can be done

You may have done this but, if you can, refer to the governors or, if part of a MAT, the trust board. I’d warn that if your child can’t be supported with the larger budgets of a bigger school, the tiny insufficient budgets of a smaller school will not help. Push your own school to do its job or if the job goes beyond their remit, you’ll need to seriously consider your non mainstream options.

If the school aren't fulfilling his EHCP can't you take action against them?
Yes, but if they are also making things awkward for him and potentially pushing him to behave badly (consciously or not), then it may not be best for him to stay there anyway.
failedparent we could do pick up from ONE school and do that on some days - because we work it so we do pick up some days currently. Really hard to see how we can do both and frankly if the current school are expecting us to take DS elsewhere then they are also failing DD.

I have looked at the times and one of the schools we're looking at would work (later drop off and pick up). The others wouldn't.

I would love it if they'd keep DD for 15 mins but I can't see them doing that.

shitholiday well his EHCP should be paying for all he needs.

I used to work at a SEN school and most if not all the children came in minibuses and taxis with escorts picking each child up from their home and dropping them each night back home. The council pays for it.

My kids have always been in different schools (both primary age).

The obvious solution is a Childminder for one child (they charge by the hour, so it'll only be a fiver or so - my exceptionally good Cm charges £5 an hour and we're the expensive South East, so may be cheaper if you live elsewhere).

We do CM for one child (autistic, can't do clubs) and after-school club for the other (sociable, needs to be around lots of people) child.

Up until recently both my DC were in different primary schools as my son has speech problems and was in a unit placement in a different main stream school. I was unable to drop them both off at the same time. We were able to qualify for a bus to take my DC to the unit. The bus would pick him up from the house before we left and I'd drop my other DC to school. Then after school the bus would collect him and drop him to the other dcs school from there I'd take them both home together. It is hard trying to juggle it all not to mention different sport days, inset days and parents evening. Would you be entitled to DWP or transport?

I manage by using the breakfast club and then luckily there is a slightly later pick up at one school than the other. Was my choice to move one. As this isn’t your choice could you speak to school and see if they can help you by allowing an early / late drop off and a late pick up at office?

You need to approach the council and arrange school transport for your SEN child. If they cannot meet his needs in a closer school, they need to provide transport for him to the nearest suitable school.

However, I’m not sure I’d leave dd in a school that has the attitude the current one does. I don’t understand why you can’t move them both.

I will be in this situation in sept. Two girls at one school, one boy going to another due to SEN. The head of my girls school said they will do everything they can to help eg girls staying late/arriving early so that I can do both pick ups. They didn’t want my son due to his level of need, so it’s the least they can do! Worth asking if they can help with flexibility?