To ask how you manage two DCs in different primaries

[drspouse]

We have a 7 yo DS and a nearly 5 yo DD.
They currently go to the same school 5 minutes walk from our house.
DS has SEN and school are basically insisting he leaves.
Originally they were saying he needed a special school and he never had any hope of returning to mainstream. While we have never believed this, they are now saying (which was our thought anyway) that a small mainstream school might suit him.
We both work part time specifically so the DCs don't have to be in after school club every day. DS wouldn't cope, and DD is still very young, has a few additional needs too, and gets so little attention as it is with DS' needs.
How do you manage two school pick ups?
We can't move DD to the same school (various reasons including that she would be in the same class at some) and putting her in after school club every day till 6 when we need 20 mins of care is expensive and pointless. She'd get even less mummy and daddy time also.
DS is unlikely to cope with after school club every day (and not all the schools have it anyway).
Drop off will be OK as DD will manage breakfast club (whether DS will manage dropping her off at his much loved school with his much loved wrap around carers and not being able to go is another matter).

(He is on six figures in the City now!)

Look into transport. My DD spent some time at a smaller mainstream school and because it was her SEN need that meant she had to go there transport was provided. It's to do with the local school not being able to provide for them that is the transport factor.

If the only school that is suitable for your dc is more than 3 miles away I think the council pays for their travel to and from.

He did some of Write from the Start but it got too hard (the OT agrees).

Hi @drspouse

Sorry you are having such a difficult time. I can’t comment on the SN aspects but my kids are at two primaries and it’s common round here as there is a boys’ school and a girls’ one. What people do is:

• Drop off one after the other (one school opens earlier)
• Share lifts / minimal childcare (say under an hour) with another family or families
• Childminder
• Nanny
• Au pair
• One parents drops each child
• Before / after school club until you can get there

As others have said, it is also a challenge to get to 2x sports day, 2x Xmas show etc

I would put serious thought to moving your daughter. Given your son’s needs she is going to end up with the tough end of the deal on childcare etc (not judging) so avoiding this plus reducing general family stress might be worth it overall.

If they have to go to separate schools, I would try sharing with another family first, then local helpful retired person or maybe student (Koru Kids?). Perhaps there is a local charity with a volunteer who could help?

Good luck - you sound like a dedicated and on it parent, your kids are lucky to have you

I have after school care and found someone by advertising on Gumtree. It’s not easy and a lot of the applications weren’t suitable but we did find someone in the end. Also there is a company which offers university students for after school hours - they are CRB checked etc - Korukids I think?? Neither are cheap but hopefully you could find someone who just wants a few hours and a bit of extra income.

I’ve found you need quite a high hourly rate to compensate for short hours, I pay £13 (London)

Thankfully we are not in London!

None of the schools we are looking at just now are suitable for DD unfortunately. Her needs are quite mild except for some continence issues, and she can't go to a school where she'd be the only non-white child nor can she go to a school where she'd be in the same class as DS at some point.

There are, actually, other schools that would suit her, but that would just compound the issue!

I suspect for the double-3.15-pickup issue (only an issue with some of the schools) we could in fact find a CM who would either walk her home or take her for an hour - there is one lovely CM who has a DC in DS' class that DD adores (in fact, DS is also friendly with this DC).

Or, fingers crossed we'll get transport for the ECHP-named school, though of course that would also mean we could not see teachers at that school.
Or we decide on a school with a staggered pick up (one of them is 20 mins later than current school).

Or, fingers crossed we'll get transport for the ECHP-named school, though of course that would also mean we could not see teachers at that school.

Schools with a good number of kids on transport are used to that.

I actually found the communication with that school easier as they were used to emailing or phoning or texting parents.

While I understand the problems for DC of large noisy classrooms, etc; have you looked at Clicker 7 to enable DS to produce work he can read and be proud of? Ask the LA for a laptop and Clicker 7 for DS. Clicker is easy to pick up for an adult, even if you have never used it before!

That actually looks amazing Mont.

When both mine were primary age they went to different primary schools, the schools were 2 mile apart on a very congested road, so that 2 miles took ages tor drive.
One went to breakfast club whilst I drove the other to school, on the way back one went to after school club whilst I was picking the other up.

When my second started the first choice primary school was over subscribed, I could have moved my eldest but due to his sen needs and how long it was taking to get the support he needed it wasnt worth it as the process would be stalled even longer.

I did this for 4 years, wasnt ideal but you just need to get on with it, There have been occasions mind when other parents who have all their kids in one school complained about the school run I wanted to punch them!!

I now have one school run to do since my eldest is now in secondary school and makes his own way and its now an absolute piece of p*s, even on a bad day I find it much easier that it used to be.

Sounds like your DS will be happier and more settled in a much smaller school so it's good that he has been offered a place there. Accept that he's going there.
I'm sure you can get a CM or other parent to pick up your DD. Ask around, ask school, ask everyone and anyone!
Explain the circumstances to the after-school club and ask if they can give you a reduced rate.

llangerith he hasn't been offered a place, sorry if that's not clear.
We saw another school today which would be an easy sell to DS as it has loads of outside space. So at least if he could like somewhere, he'd be more resigned to moving.

We saw the last school and it was ridiculously bad. The one we think DS will like has a slightly later finish time compared to the current school too so if we DO get a place it may work out OK, and if not, we'll look for a CM for an hour or so for DD I think.
DH thinks DD should move too but I'm not sure for a number of reasons.