Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you manage two DCs in different primaries

65 replies

drspouse · 20/05/2019 09:43

We have a 7 yo DS and a nearly 5 yo DD.
They currently go to the same school 5 minutes walk from our house.
DS has SEN and school are basically insisting he leaves.
Originally they were saying he needed a special school and he never had any hope of returning to mainstream. While we have never believed this, they are now saying (which was our thought anyway) that a small mainstream school might suit him.
We both work part time specifically so the DCs don't have to be in after school club every day. DS wouldn't cope, and DD is still very young, has a few additional needs too, and gets so little attention as it is with DS' needs.
How do you manage two school pick ups?
We can't move DD to the same school (various reasons including that she would be in the same class at some) and putting her in after school club every day till 6 when we need 20 mins of care is expensive and pointless. She'd get even less mummy and daddy time also.
DS is unlikely to cope with after school club every day (and not all the schools have it anyway).
Drop off will be OK as DD will manage breakfast club (whether DS will manage dropping her off at his much loved school with his much loved wrap around carers and not being able to go is another matter).

OP posts:
Queenfreak · 20/05/2019 14:32

You may get lucky with the nanny.
I was an sen nanny (and obviously their siblings!) For going on 20 years. No longer working due to own dc. I would absolutely look at a part time, lower paid position so long as I could bring my daughter too.
I can't be the only one. Its definitely worth advertising.

NCB2019 · 20/05/2019 14:41

Have you checked the start/finish times times of the new schools? It might be do-able. I had 2 children in 2 different primaries, one started and finished 15 mins earlier than the other so it just worked.

NotAnotherJaffaCake · 20/05/2019 14:46

If the current school wants to move him on ignore their suggestions, they will begin to say whatever is best for them. Agree with a PP who said be very, very careful about moving to a small school. There is no money whatsoever, and small schools don’t have the pupil numbers to pool support or the demand to have staff that really understand difficult SEND.

Bettyspants · 20/05/2019 14:57

Yes I did, daughter has SEN, from what we experienced (VERY similar to you! And husband being a headteacher it does sound like the better option for your child. I realise there's quite a bit of ' the school should do more ' but there really is only a certain amount they can do. My daughter didn't need a special school however she did much better in a smaller school with a fantastic SEN facilities and several children utilising them. School runs with working full time etc was a nightmare, but worth it

stucknoue · 20/05/2019 14:59

If he is moved for Sen reasons transport should be provided taking your other child into account

Bettyspants · 20/05/2019 15:00

As for small schools not being able to support SEN, that's a ridiculous generalised statement that is not correct. Some small schools just as the large will be awful with the support. Others, fantastic. Other than funds it also comes down to the schools experience with this group of children.

Original poster
drspouse · 20/05/2019 15:00

@MatchSetPoint he's not going to a special school we don't think.
(And if he came home at 4 in a taxi, that would be a whole other set of problems!)

OP posts:
Original poster
drspouse · 20/05/2019 15:02

I don't think we'd qualify for transport as all the small schools are less than 3 miles away.

OP posts:
stucknoue · 20/05/2019 15:03

The distance doesn't matter for Sen, dd got transport at 1.5 miles

Whereisthegin1978 · 20/05/2019 15:03

No advice but following. Currently looking at moving year 5 daughter but no space for her younger sister. She’s on a waiting list. I think we are going to use breakfast / after school clubs and 2 days a week my dh can help.

Original poster
drspouse · 20/05/2019 15:31

@stucknoue was that a mainstream school named on an EHCP?

OP posts:
Proseccoinamug · 20/05/2019 16:30

If they can’t meet his needs at a closer school, they do have to provide transport. Try to get it in writing from current school that they can’t meet his needs. That’s your case that this is the nearest suitable school.

OneInEight · 20/05/2019 16:36

We did it for a short period. With the agreement of the HT the arrangement was we dropped ds2 off late at his school every day. However, as the main cause of the problem was her excluding ds1 then I think she was more accommodating than she might otherwise have been. As ds2 also had problems dropping him off early was never going to work for him or the school. After one term ds1 got transport so was then no longer a problem.

Mummyshark2018 · 20/05/2019 17:09

Like others have said they can't make you leave, yes they could unfortunately and wrongly make it difficult but they are on shaky ground if they do. If you don't think he would qualify for an Sen school then really you are taking a risk moving him to another mainstream as it will be difficult to know how they will support him and also how your dc will manage the transition.
In your position I would contact your LA Sen department (you should have a named officer), explain the situation, ask for an emergency annual review, contact your local Sen independent support team (ipsea or parent partnership). If you do decide to move him your Sen team will need to consult them then formally which will give you a better idea of how they can support. You may be eligible for school transport if his current school are planning to unofficially exclude him.

outsho · 20/05/2019 17:13

I did this for around four months and it was awful, I would not recommend it. My DS couldn’t get a place in the closest school where DD already attended so he went to one 1.2 miles up the road. I didn’t drive at the time so basically had to put DD in breakfast club every day and walk DS up to school. Luckily my DM works in a school so she would pick one child up and I would collect the other.

It was stressful, I ended up moving DD to DS’s school.

Debenhamshandtowel · 20/05/2019 17:23

Hi drs you know me via the power of Pom Bear...

I’m really shocked but not totally surprised. I’ve not had to split myself in two but know a fair few people who have.

In some cases it’s been done by one or both schools being flexible which doesn’t seem to be a possibility in your case! The child does half an hour of club at a very reduced rate.

In another instance a lot of TAs at the school do after school childcare so that helped. A TA was paid to take the child home or to a club. It was only for half an hour and was on the TAs way home.

Another case another parent at the school did a pick and drop-off. That worked because the children and parents are great friends.

I’m really sorry drs. Sad

Original poster
drspouse · 20/05/2019 17:43

Mummyshark the SEND team have met with us. The original caseworker is, like school, changing their story every 5 minutes. The head of the team seems to be remaining neutral.

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 20/05/2019 19:45

Our country schools used accredited and checked taxis. Could u pay for taxi to pick dd everyday and meet you at your house?

Original poster
drspouse · 20/05/2019 19:49

The taxi can't really get nearer to school than our house...

OP posts:
MontStMichel · 20/05/2019 22:22

I had two in different primaries, but the one with SEN had a taxi and escort. I wouldn’t be keen on my 5 year old DD going in a taxi on her own.

The question is why does the school say DC needs to go to a special school? Is it because he is not getting enough support; and say full time 1:1 support is needed but not funded atm; or is there nothing that could be done to make mainstream able to meet his needs? I would want to discuss this at an emergency review with the LA and school, because the name of the school would have to be changed in the EHC plan.

Original poster
drspouse · 20/05/2019 23:14

He has 1:1 and they say they can't think of anything else to help him, he's so behind etc etc.
He is in Y2, doing Y1 work in phonics and maths.
He has the worst writing ever and they are mainly judging him on writing it seems to me. He doesn't have a diagnosis for that but whatever they and the OT are doing is not making any difference.
They also say the school is too big and noisy for him.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 20/05/2019 23:21

OP is it likely your DD will be in the same situation with this school in a couple of years? If they can’t meet your sons needs, how capable will they be of meeting your DDs?

Tbh i wouldn’t be filled with confidence and would be looking to move her now rather than later.

alwaystimeforcakeandtea · 20/05/2019 23:30

Y2 doing Y1 work isn’t that bad. I’ve taught many a Y2 with this ability level. What do the school find challenging about his needs? Is the EHCP for reasons other than academic reasons?

Original poster
drspouse · 21/05/2019 01:53

His behaviour - he refuses, he can be rude, also gets up and runs around the room, doesn't listen.
He's struggling socially but he can play with one or two children in the park, or a running around game in a small group.
(He has ADHD, is on meds and they are working but it's early days).
But they are convinced he could never catch up because of his writing.

OP posts:
MontStMichel · 21/05/2019 08:28

Is he doing “Write from the Start”? If not, you can get it from Amazon for £20. DD’s OT recommended it for her in the infants. Keep going with the handwriting, because iirc, it helps with reading fluency. However if his handwriting is still very poor by ten, I’d get him a “Type to Learn” type program to teach touch typing so he can use a laptop at secondary.

I had a look at a sample of DD’s handwriting at 6 in an EP report last night, and the average 4 year old was streets ahead of her. With intensive practice at writing, her handwriting was lovely by secondary, although she learnt to touch type too! (She does have severe dyspraxia)

One of DS’s friends used a laptop for secondary, university and professional exams and work because his writing was so poor due to dyspraxia!

Swipe left for the next trending thread